The Face of God
by QAFfangirl
Summary: Justin is a high-school senior who becomes infatuated with the husband of his art teacher Lindsay Peterson-Kinney. Alternate Brian/Justin meet Total AU with OOC elements to support the plot. (Don't worry all our boys are still just as gay as they are in the series)****Now Complete****
1. Chapter 1

Lindsay Peterson-Kinney sat down at her desk in exhaustion. She couldn't believe the difference the transition to high school from elementary made in how tired she was at the end of her day. It was barely 3:30 but unlike the finger painting and cutesy arts and crafts she prepared for her first through fifth graders in years past, her high school students were demanding. They were at different levels and each one needed individual attention on their projects. Add to that the afterschool clubs she sponsored and faculty meetings and it made for a very long day. Today was Tuesday, time for Art Club students to start trickling in to her classroom. She opened her email and shot a quick note to her husband Brian, reminding him to pick up their son Gus from after-school care. Gus had just started first grade and the pick-up routine was much more difficult now that he was no longer able to stay at daycare until Lindsay was off so Brian was picking him up and bringing him to Lindsay and then he would go back to work and she would take Gus home. It was quite the scheduling ordeal. The school year had just started and all-ready she was looking forward to Christmas break.

The kids at St. James Academy had impressed Lindsay thus far; most of the kids were from WASPy families much like her own. They all had involved parents and were all college-bound. Most headed to ivy leagues or schools where their grandfather's had buildings named after them; most of them legacies in one way or another. Some of the students had air of superiority about them, stuck up and privileged to the point of obnoxiousness. A few she found surprised her with their kind hearts and maturity particularly a gifted senior named Justin Taylor. Justin was the de-facto leader of art club, clearly not the most popular student, but the other artsy kids respected his talent and looked to him as a leader. Justin was so friendly to Lindsay when she started at St. James. Many of the other dedicated art students were cold and unwelcoming; it hadn't helped that she replaced a popular teacher who had left the school in a scandal. Mr. Snyder, the previous art teacher, had officially "resigned suddenly due to illness" but rumor had it he was actually fired when he was outed as a gay man on local television at last year's Pride parade and it was discovered by administration that he was HIV positive. Despite many students rallying for him, the administration and parents refused to budge and Mr. Snyder was swept under the proverbial rug.

Lindsay glanced at the clock and was surprised that Justin hadn't arrived yet; he was usually the first to show up and help get supplies ready. She assumed he was delayed by his very sweet and sassy girlfriend Daphne, or at least she assumed they were a couple since they seemed to always be together. Lindsay wasn't sure. Dating relationships today seem so different than when she and Brian were dating.

The students flooded in to the classroom and Lindsay quickly lost track of time as she helped several of them to prepare a piece for a scholarship competition offered by the archdiocese. Justin came in late, looking flustered. His disheveled appearance was a sharp contrast to his normal well groomed look. He immediately set up his easel and started mixing paint.

"Are you all right Justin?" Lindsay asked concerned for one of her favorite students.

Justin looked up just briefly and shook his head yes but the bluish-purple coloring forming under his eye was answering the question for him. Lindsay opted to wait to pursue the matter until the club was complete. She watched Justin paint furiously with his headphones on, blocking out the rest of the world. As the clock struck 4:45 and the students all began to pack up, Justin seemed undeterred. Lindsay watched him as he painted. The image started to form in front of her on the canvas. Lindsay wasn't sure what she was seeing, she blinked a few times and cleared her eyes. The room was empty except for Justin at his easel and Lindsay observing his work from a safe distance behind him. She gasped as she came to realize what she was looking at. _It couldn't be, could it?_

"Justin" Lindsay called out tapping his shoulder to get his attention over his music, "What are you working on?"

Justin looked up, annoyed at Lindsay's interruption but after realizing that Art Club was actually over and all the students had left, he felt bad "Oh Sorry Mrs. Peterson-Kinney. I was just really inspired I guess. I was working on my piece for the scholarship"

"Justin, that competition requires the submissions to be religious themed" Lindsay grabbed the flyer from the scholarship announcement and handed it to him as a reminder.

Justin took the paper and folded it up, sticking it in his pocket dismissively. "Yeah, I know! I just saw this man the other night. He reminded me, um, well, I guess inspired me." Justin laughed nervously before looking over his work and remarking to his favorite teacher, "I'm going to call it 'The face of God'"

A hearty chuckle came from behind them at the doorway of the classroom causing both to turn abruptly. Justin's mouth dropped open. There was the man; the man he saw last night. Last night he was wearing sweatshorts and a black tank-top leaving a spin class with another man. Justin saw him from the coffee shop across the street and just knew not only that he was gay but that he was the one. He was the one Justin had been waiting for. But today he was wearing a fitted suit, holding the hand of a small boy who looked exactly like him. Justin was confused and flustered and was praying that this man hadn't seen his painting.

"The Face of God?" the man smirked, his perfect hazel eyes dancing in child-like amusement, "I like it".

Justin stammered to come up with some plausible explanation as to how his deity from last night was now standing in his Art class but then it happened. He watched horrified as Mrs. Peterson-Kinney walked over to the man, kissed his cheek and kissed the cheek of the small boy and then the horrible words left her mouth, "Justin" she said a bit awkwardly, "I'd like to introduce you to my son Gus and my husband Brian Kinney"


	2. Chapter 2

Justin Taylor waited restlessly for his mother to pick him up outside the school still shaky with raw emotion. His eye throbbed where Chris Hobbs had punched him but the physical pain paled in comparison to the utter humiliation he had just experienced with Mrs. Peterson-Kinney. If she didn't know he was a fag before, it was certainly obvious now.

Justin's head was still unable to process exactly how the events of the last forty-eight hours came to be. Two days ago he was a mildly popular, securely closeted, gay kid. He wasn't a jock but he had his niche at the school and things were manageable. He had made a conscious choice to not come out until college but he was secure in his own sexuality. He liked cock unquestionably. He definitely wanted to be fucked by one and all his masturbatory fantasies were of the homoerotic variety. Then yesterday he and Chris had this moment as he helped him clean out the equipment room. They were just talking and with this one longing look; Justin just knew. Of course he heard that there was supposed to be this special intuition, a gaydar of sorts, but words couldn't describe Justin's exhilaration when he realized his had finally kicked in and it was picking up signals loud and clear. Justin saw how turned-on Chris was; that Chris's dick was just as hard as his own so he summoned all his courage and finally went for it.

He had gone to the coffee shop to meet Daphne later that evening still high from his hand-job encounter with Chris but Daphne had bailed when her parent's grounded her yet again for missing curfew. Justin sat there by the store window, staring across the street, thinking about his experience with Chris when he saw him: Brian Kinney- the Face of God. He lit a cigarette which Justin found amusing since he was still sweaty from his workout. He paced back and forth, waiting impatiently until the other man joined him on the street. His friend was a good four inches shorter, had dark-hair and was slightly effeminate. Everything about this other man screamed queer; so when Brian had tossed his arm around the shorter man's shoulder and walked like that back to his car and kissed him good-bye on the lips….Justin had just assumed he was gay as well. It was surely not a straight man move.

Now a mere day later; the two bleeps on his gaydar were both proven faulty. Or at least one, Brian's bleep, had to have been. C_'mon married to his teacher, with a kid!_ Chris was more of a puzzle. After all he hadn't even tried to stop Justin's hand-job and he had definitely enjoyed it judging from the evidence he left all over Justin's hand. So today when Justin tried to suck him off in the locker room afterschool; Chris's fist was the last thing he expected to feel. Justin forced a smile as his mother approached in her Camry. He wondered if he would ever figure out this being gay thing; right now it seemed so hopeless and there was no one he could really confide in. He just knew he couldn't wait to get out of Pittsburgh, go to college and start living his life out in the open.

"Hey Sweetie" Jennifer Taylor said greeting her son warmly as he got in the car, "My God, what happened to your eye?"

Justin's hand instinctively went up to cover the bruise that was becoming more visible. "Oh nothing; It was an accident in gym class" he lied.

Jennifer shook her head in disbelief, "I wish you had called me. I would have picked you up earlier so we could get some ice on it before the swelling gets too bad."

"Mom, it's fine really. I wanted to know if we can stop by the store, please. I need some art supplies for a piece I'm working on. Just a small brush and some more black paint" Justin begged.

Jennifer sighed, "Justin I'm tired. Can it wait?"

"No, mom, the competition deadline is almost here. It really can't but we can go home first and I can drive over to the store myself" he hinted, his mom didn't let him take the car but on a rare occasion.

Jennifer looked at Justin with apprehension, "Just to the store and back and only to the Big Q. That art store you like is too far for you to drive alone."

Justin cringed; he hated the big box store. It was the last place he wanted to get his supplies but he really had to have the paint tonight so he agreed.

Justin raced to the driver side of the car as soon as they were in their driveway. This was only his third time taking the car alone and he loved driving, even if it was his mom's Camry. He pulled carefully out of the driveway and made a show of conscientious driving for his mom and once he was out of the neighborhood, he blasted the radio and sped off to the Big Q. Only he detoured from the Big Q two miles from his house and headed to the one a little further away giving him more time to drive.

As he pulled into the parking lot and entered the huge megastore, he navigated his way to the art section searching for the exact brand of black paint he desired. He spent fifteen minutes looking on his own but was starting to get concerned he had been gone for too long. His mom would never let him drive again if she found out where he had actually driven too. He tracked down an older heavyset woman who couldn't have been less helpful until he finally spotted another Big Q employee to help him.

Justin tapped the man who was bent over stacking shelves on the shoulder. "Excuse me sir, can you please help me?" Justin asked politely. It was always better to get what you wanted with kindness.

"Sure" the cheerful man spun around to face him, "What can I do for you?"

Justin stood there dumbfounded, he recognized him right away as the man that was with Brian outside of the gym. He glanced at his ID badge and had a name to go with Brian's friend: Michael. "Ah, um, ah…." Justin stammered.

"Hey wow just breathe kid" Michael laughed steadying the young blond by placing his hand on his shoulders, "Let me guess, you're looking for condoms?" It wasn't unusual for young men to be embarrassed to ask for them. Of course, he had never had to himself, his mom made sure his bathroom was always fully stocked well before he was even close to actually having sex.

"No" Justin finally asserted regaining his composure, "Sorry I'm looking for paint, um, Sennelier acrylic? You know, you look familiar, do I know you?" Justin lied, looking for a way to find out more about Brian.

Michael glanced around panicking that maybe he _knew_ him from Babylon or Liberty Ave, "Um, I don't think so" he whispered and winked, hoping this kid would take the hit that he wasn't out at work. "We don't carry that brand of paint I'm afraid but there are other brands of acrylics in the hobby section, row 23."

Justin didn't know how to read Michael's wink. _Is he flirting with me? _"No, I um, think you may know, um, Brian….Brian Kinney" Justin persisted deciding to use the flirtation to his advantage.

"Oh Brian!" Michael sighed relieved, "Yeah Brian and I have been friends since high school. How do you know Brian?"

"Um, just from around" Justin responded vaguely. _Shit how can I get more information_ _without being obvious? _ "Um, are you off soon? Do you want to maybe get a coffee with me?"

Michael bit his lip nervously sizing the kid up; he was pretty hot but he looked really young, too young. _Was he really asking him out? _Michael noticed his coworker Fat Marley lurking around the aisle, eavesdropping. He needed to get this kid out of here before anyone overheard them. "Listen, um, what was your name?"

"Sorry, I'm Justin" Justin extended his hand to formally introduce himself, offering a flirtatious smile as added enticement.

"Yeah, I'm Michael" Michael responded.

Justin smiled nodding to this badge, "Yep I know. So, Michael, you off soon?" Justin did his best to be flirtatious but it just felt awkward faking it with this man who he wasn't remotely attracted to.

Michael glanced at his watch, he was off in about ten minutes, "Sure, twenty minutes, not here though, at Woody's? You know it?"

Justin nodded although he had no idea what Woody's actually was. Justin turned and walked away, cruising down row 23 and finding black paint that he would make due with. He walked back to his mom's car and picked up his cell phone. A quick story about needing to go to Daphne's for an English project and his absence at home was covered. He called Daphne quickly to ensure he was covered in case they called.

_Daphne, hey it's Justin_

_Justin, hey, you won't believe what happened today!_

_Um, later Daph. I need a favor. My mom thinks I'm at your house so don't answer if she calls._

_Ok, where are you really going?_

_Can you look up something for me on your computer?_

_Sure, I'm online now…what_

_Find out what Woody's is for me, it should be near Liberty and Tremont._

_Liberty and Tremont, what are you doing down there? Oh my God, Justin…Woody's is a gay bar. Are you gay?_

_Shit it's a bar? So you probably have to be 21, right._

_Yeah, probably_

_Shit, I got to go, I'll call you later_

_Ok, be careful; call me when you get home._

Justin hung up with Daphne and felt sick to his stomach. How was he going to get into a bar without ID? He sat in the car and waited for Michael to emerge thinking of an alternate plan. When Justin spotted him, he noticed Michael was walking to the street and not to a car in a parking lot. He decided to take a chance; he started the car and pulled up alongside him.

"Hey Michael" Justin called rolling down the window.

"Justin, I thought we were meeting at Woody's?"

"Get in" Justin motioned to the passenger seat, "I'm not really much of a drinker. Can we go to a coffee shop or something?"

"Yeah, the Liberty Diner is down the street" Michael said getting into Justin's car cautiously.

Justin and Michael took a seat in an empty booth at the Liberty Diner. Michael looked around for his mother trying to avoid eye contact with Justin. The kid was attractive enough, but not really Michael's type and he was feeling bad for agreeing to this. He was too young for one and Michael liked big muscle men; not twinks. He hoped that he wasn't leading the kid on by meeting him.

"So…" Michael started, "How do you know Brian again?"

"Don't you go to Spin Works?" Justin said, changing the subject, "I think I've seen you there with Brian."

That was the second time Justin avoided answering his question, Michael soon put two and two together. "Let me guess, you're interested in Brian" he smirked.

"No, um, of course not" Justin said unconvincingly.

"Ok, well just so you know kid he's straight and married" Michael clarified with a laugh "Trust me; I've tested this out myself thoroughly. If he was gay, I'd be with Brian"

Justin swallowed hard, "So you um, you're gay?" a question he had never actually asked another man before.

Michael laughed uncomfortably, "Of course. Wait if you didn't know, why'd you ask me out?"

Justin sighed sort of relived to have met an openly gay man to talk to "I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm really bad at this" he admitted.

"So Brian, huh?" Michael patted his hand to help alleviate his young friend's discomfort, "Don't worry you're not the first. Men, women…they all want Brian"

"He is really hot" Justin admitted.

"Don't I know it" Michael said, "He used to stay at my house all the time when we were kids. He was the first person, besides my mom, that I came out to. We did a little experimentation as teens but he was never really interested, if you know what I mean. I still held out hope for a long time and he's really comfortable around me and my gay friends so I thought maybe someday, he would have this epiphany. Then he met Lindsay, his wife, in college and she got pregnant with Gus. They got married and I was like, you know, case closed"

Justin nodded disappointed to hear what he already pretty much knew. Brian was straight and married to Mrs. Peterson-Kinney, although it was odd to think of his teacher in the context of her personal life.

"So how long have you been out?" Michael asked, "You can't be older than twenty, am I right?"

"I'm not really" Justin admitted, "I'm definitely gay, you know, but just still trying to figure it all out as I go"

Michael smiled warmly at the boy, "Well if you need someone to talk to, I'm a good listener. Just to be clear I'm only offering to be a friend. You're a little too young for me, chicken"

Justin smiled broadly at the term which he took as an endearment and not an insult, "Thanks, um, you're not really my type either." Justin joked.

Justin took Michael's number on a napkin and stuck it in his pocket. He put a five dollar bill on the table to cover his coffee and headed to the car. Maybe Brian wasn't gay, but meeting Michael was a good thing. He finally had a gay friend to talk to and that had to be worth something.


	3. Chapter 3

Brian Kinney walked in the door to his house with a deep sigh. His long hours at the office would surely lead to a partnership soon but combined with Lindsay's schedule, it was starting to feel a little overwhelming. He was twenty-nine and his life was a shadow of the life he dreamed of. He took a look around the three bedroom Victorian style home Lindsay's parents had bought for them when they got married. It was horrendous and sucked the life out him to maintain it but Lindsay had loved it and they needed a place big enough for the three of them which he couldn't afford right out of school so they graciously accepted the offer.

Brian never planned on getting married or having a family, especially so young. When he and Lindsay were dating, he always felt there was something missing. He loved her, cared about her deeply, but it just didn't quite feel like he thought it should. He was almost about to end it when she told him she was pregnant. Their parents all freaked and the marriage proposal was nearly coerced. The first few months he almost left more than once. But eight months later when Gus was born; he felt different. He loved Gus, more than he ever thought he would. Brian was determined to never be like his own father. His wife and son would never know that he didn't really love his life with them. Gus would never feel the sting of knowing that his father wished he was never born; and Lindsay would never turn cold by constant rejection from him. This was his life and it was a good one. Brian had no idea why he always felt so desperately unsatisfied.

Brian joined Lindsay in their kitchen as his wife tidied up from dinner. "Hey sweetie" he said kissing her cheek.

"Hi dear" Lindsay responded, attempting to kiss Brian deeper on the mouth. She wasn't surprised when he deflected her nonchalantly. This was his pattern.

They made small talk about Gus and their respective days while Brian ate the plate of food Lindsay had kept warm for him. Lindsay was hesitant to bring up Justin's painting but she was concerned enough that she thought she needed to. "So you know that boy that was in my classroom today that I introduced you to?"

Brian nodded, "Yeah, Dustin right?"

"Justin" Lindsay corrected, "Did you happen to see his painting, the Face of God?"

"No, I have no interest what so ever in artist depictions of the invisible man in the sky known as God" Brian smirked, although he had noticed the artist was quite angelic himself.

Lindsay gave a forced laugh, she found Brian's atheism alarming given her traditional Methodist upbringing, "Well, you might be interested if you saw it because the face that he painted, the one he called the Face of God, was pretty familiar."

Brian sat his fork down and carried his dishes over to the dishwasher, "Really who is it?"

"Um, Yours" Lindsay responded, waiting for a reaction.

"Lindsay don't be ridiculous! I just met the kid today." Brian clarified, hiding his intrigue that this boy he just met had painted him.

"I'm not being ridiculous. Justin must have seen you yesterday sometime, that was where he said he met the man who inspired him." Lindsay offered with an accusatory tone.

"Yesterday: I went to work, met Michael for Spin class, drove him home, chatted with Vic and Debbie, and came back here" Brian said, "I did not meet anyone new yesterday at all, especially not a teenage boy.

"Well you certainly left an impression on him!" Lindsay argued. "I think Justin might be, you know"

Brian huffed, "Lindsay, what are you trying to say? That one of your students is gay and has a schoolboy crush on me?" he said exasperated.

Lindsay nodded, "Yeah, that's what I'm saying" she confirmed, "so just be careful to not encourage it, all right"

"Why would you think I would encourage it?" Brian asked his eyebrow arched.

"Oh please! I see the way you interact with Michael. You love that he drools after you. In fact, you love when all Michael's friends drool after you. I used to think maybe…." Lindsay stopped herself from going too far and causing a blow up.

"Lindsay, I am never going to live down telling you about that time with Michael and I and the Patrick Swayze picture, am I? Listen, I've hung out with Michael since I was fourteen. I've known Ted and Emmett for almost seven years now. Don't you think that if I was gay I would have been, I don't know, even remotely attracted to one of them by now." Brian was incensed. He had confided in his wife once after a lot of alcohol she admitted to sometimes fantasizing about women and offering a threesome to try to spice up their rather dull sex life. Brian was trying to make her feel better when he emphatically turned down the offer but instead she just got weird about it and they never spoke of either of their confessions again. That didn't mean Lindsay didn't find a way to bring it up in her own manipulative ways.

Lindsay washed the dishes without responding to Brian; she detested conflict with him. In her heart, she loved him and she knew he loved her. She loved that they had this perfect post-card life together and it's the marriage her parents always dreamed she would have. Deep down she knew he wasn't happy. Their love life was so disappointing and on the rare times he wasn't too tired or too busy and they did actually have sex, Brian was usually drinking heavily beforehand. She had been hinting of having another baby but Brian had said no. At first it was 'let's wait until after Gus starts school', now it's 'let's wait until after he makes partner'. She suspected that Brian might be gay a few times but there was never a moment she suspected that he was anything other than friends with the gay men that they knew. Lindsay figured everyone was on the spectrum somewhere between gay and straight. She herself has often wondered what it would be like to be with a woman. She might even consider herself bisexual if she wasn't married to Brian. Brian was such a complicated man and it didn't do anyone any good to have doubts now. They were married for better or worse, and Gus was their primary concern.


	4. Chapter 4

Justin walked up to the front door of St. James Academy with nervous apprehension. Several whispered conversations he passed in the courtyard combined with disconcerting stares from his classmates told him something was very, very, wrong. Daphne ran up behind him and grabbed his jacket roughly pulling him into the empty school auditorium.

"Daphne, what the fuck?" he yelled shaking his arm lose from her clutched fist "Let go of me".

"Why didn't you tell me Justin; I thought I was your best friend?" she angrily hushed at him.

"Tell you what?" Justin asked as innocently as he could.

"Did you try to give Chris Hobbs a blowjob yesterday? Cause he's saying that you did and the whole school is saying that you're gay!" Daphne wasn't one to be consumed with gossip but after Justin asked her about Woody's and the school rumor mill lit up, she was seriously concerned for Justin's safety and beyond irritated that he had kept something this huge a secret from her.

"Oh God!" Justin groaned "Oh God, this is bad. Really, really bad" Justin had no choice but to confide in Daphne. He didn't really think she would care he was gay anyway but was relieved to find he was right. She hugged him and gave him her car keys.

"You need to get out of here…at least for the day. Let me do some damage control. I'll tell everyone we're sleeping together" Daphne offered but Justin winced at the thought.

"Look Daph, thanks, but no thanks. I'm not going to lie and I don't want you to do it for me. I wasn't planning to come out this way but it's out now and I don't really want to hide who I am. I'm gay. I'm not ashamed of it. I was hoping to make it through high school without dealing with homophobic assholes but I'll be damned if I am going to run away like some silly faggot". Justin grew bolder as he spoke, convincing himself as he went. "There's only one person I am really not looking forward to facing."

Daphne gave Justin another quick hug, "Why don't you go tell him now before the school finds out and calls him."

Justin took Daphne's keys and headed out to the parking lot. He was almost to the car when he saw her, Mrs. Peterson-Kinney, rapidly walking towards him. _Shit!_

"Justin", Lindsay scolded him as she approached, "I know you're not leaving school without permission. That's not like you."

Justin shook his head sheepishly, he had never been caught ditching before, "Sorry, um, it's sort of an emergency" he lied.

"Do you have a pass?" Lindsay asked.

"I, um, must have dropped it" Justin exclaimed looking around for the imaginary pass.

Lindsay read Justin's apprehension and surmised he was lying but he was a good kid and ditching school would mean detention that he didn't really deserve. She gave him a knowing smile and nodded. "All right, just this one time I'll look the other way but you owe me" she said with a friendly wink.

Justin drove off and found his father at his store. Craig Taylor looked dismayed to see Justin in the middle of the school day but the dismay turned to outright concern when Justin asked if he would talk to him in private. Justin took a deep breath as he closed the door to his father's office. Craig Taylor sat down waiting for an explanation.

"Dad, I'm gay" Justin said in a single syllable, exhaling loudly after feeling a surge of adrenaline at having finally said it out loud to his father.

"I'm sorry" Craig said looking quite shaken, "What was that?"

Justin sat down across from his father and placed his hands on the desk, he forced himself to look him in the eyes. "Dad, I know this might be a shock to you but I think you should hear it from me that I'm gay"

"Justin you're not gay!" Craig insisted rising up and pacing nervously back and forth, "Don't ever let me hear you say that again".

"Dad" Justin spoke calmly, "I'm sorry to tell you like this but something happened at school and I was worried they would call you and I thought you should hear it from me."

"What happened at school?" Craig asked his temper rising, "You didn't, my God, you and Mr. Snyder. Is that what happened, did he mess with you last year?"

"What Dad, no, oh my God, no" Justin said firmly, taken aback by the mental leap his father was making to his gay art teacher, "Why would you think that? No listen, I'm just gay. Dad, I'm not a serial killer, I wasn't molested, I just happen to like men instead of women. I'm still the same person I was yesterday that's the only difference okay?"

"Justin, you're just confused. You can't be gay. You're too young to know what you want, what you like." Craig was yelling at this point and Justin felt the conversation was getting away from him. "Oh God, you haven't actually, you know…."

"Dad, listen! Are you listening to me?" Justin said firmly getting aggravated by his father's inability to hear what he was saying, "I'm not asking for you to help me figure out if I'm gay. I'm telling you that I already know I am. I've known for a while. I'm not confused. One day I know I will meet a great guy and we will have sex. I don't have to actually have sex to know what I'm attracted to and what I like. I like dick! I want to be fucked by dick! I want to suck dick!"

"GET OUT" Craig shouted so loud that the glass shook in his office "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE"

Justin fled his dad's office in a panic. That did not go as he planned at all. He knew his dad would be upset but he never dreamed he would kick him out. Justin let the tears flow as he got behind Daphne's car. He had no idea where to go from here. He drove home and packed up what he could. The napkin with Michael's phone number on it was still lying on his dresser. Maybe Michael would be able to help him, he picked up the phone, tried to control his sobbing and gave him a try.

Justin was finally able to pull it together sitting on Michael's couch at his apartment. He was introduced to Michael's roommate Emmett and the two of them had done a lot to cheer him up and get his mind off of things before Michael apologized and had to leave for work but not before offering him his couch until a more suitable arrangement could be made.

Justin laughed as Emmett recalled charming stories of his gay youth in the South. The stories hinted at the pain beneath the surface but if Emmett could make it through with a smile of his face, surely Justin could as well.

"So sugar, you got a boyfriend yet?" Emmett teased.

Justin shook his head no. "I sort of have a crush I guess, but he's straight".

Emmett laughed, "Straight huh? Are you sure, lots of closet cases can surprise you. Did you try anything yet?"

Justin laughed, "No, his friend sort of just told me plus he's married and older, so I'm pretty sure it's not going to happen"

"Yikes married men are a challenge but you never know. So what do you know about the art of seduction?" Emmett laughed, jumping up from the couch and pulling out a drawer in his bedroom. He motioned Justin to join him.

Justin walked nervously into Emmett's room. He had no idea what to expect as he peered into a deep drawer filled with candles, flavored condoms and sex toys some so large they made Justin wince at the thought.

"I know nothing about the art of seduction or much of anything about being gay at all. I just know that I want to know more." Justin admitted.

With that Emmett set Justin down and gave him a fascinating tutorial of subjects ranging from vocabulary, cruising, grooming, and all manners of gay sex. He taught him about reading subtle looks and when to know if someone was checking you out. Justin thought about his run-in with Brian in the art room. He did see that look. Brian had scanned his body while his teacher kissed him. He just knew there was something there. Before his mind got the best of him, Emmett started in again "So you think you're a top or a bottom?" Emmett asked before taking out a large dildo.

"Huh?" Justin asked bewildered sizing up the dildo with wide eyes and unsure of what was behind that question that he might of missed while thinking of Brian.

"When you think about having sex, do you think about fucking or being fucked?" Emmett asked as plainly as he could, no reason to mince words now.

Justin thought about it for a minute as he allowed himself to fantasize about Brian. His first thought was of Brian taking him in the art room over his desk, he smiled while answering "I don't know mostly being fucked, I guess, but I'd kind of like to try it the other way."

"Ok, well when a man asks that question, you just tell him you're versatile. That way you can see who has a bigger cock and go from there." Emmett patted Justin on the thigh as he spoke feeling like a gay mentor.

"I don't think that questions gonna come up for a while" Justin sighed. If only he could just fast forward his life to a point in time where that was the case.

"Honey, you are de-lec-table! A sweet little twink like you could fuck or be fucked by almost anyone you want if you play your cards right. We should all be so lucky!" Emmett smiled warmly and gave Justin a friendly peck on the cheek.

Justin thought about what Emmett was saying and glanced in the mirror at his reflection. He wasn't exactly a troll, he just needed to find a place to meet other gay men and he thought he could do well enough especially with Emmett and Michael's guidance.

"Emmett, do you think you can help me?" Justin said shyly a fierce determination building within him.

"Sure baby, anything"

"I want this man, the one I told you about. I need my first time to be with him. Can you help me get him?"

"The married straight guy?" Emmett asked cautiously, "You sure you don't want to start with someone easier. We can go to Babylon, easy pickings."

"No" Justin insisted, "I can't explain it but deep down I know he's gay. I want him. I have to have him."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thanks for the early support to this one. I hear your requests for longer chapters and will try to accommodate. I had to establish some background first but now we start getting into the J/B scenes and those are usually longer (mainly cause I get carried away with the smut :D ). Hope you enjoy; please review, favorite, and follow as you see fit. Also if you follow me on twitter Erin_424, make sure to let me know who you are so I can associate your ff names with your twitter names.

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Justin sat alone on Michael's couch on a Saturday morning. It felt weird to be alone in his apartment for the first time but Justin was sort of relieved to have some time to himself. Michael had met some chiropractor and was spending a lot of time at his place and Emmett was working all day. With Michael away this weekend, Justin was looking forward to sleeping in an actual bed again not that he wasn't grateful for the couch. He glanced around, allowing himself to be a little nosy, and was perplexed to find the strangest combination of collections. On one shelving unit was the largest comic book collection Justin had ever seen which wouldn't have been so odd except that right next to it was an extensive collection of gay porn. Justin laughed out loud as he perused some of the titles. He had seen porn before but always straight porn which actually helped Justin cement his own sexuality. When he found himself constantly looking at the guy's in the porn while his friends were all obsessed with bouncing tits it was then he started to appreciate he was different. Justin was aroused at the thought of watching gay porn for the first time, really aroused, so much so that he unzipped his pants and got an early start while he flipped through the collection. He selected a title that appealed to him mainly because of the man on the jacket, made sure the door was locked and popped in the video.

Armed with a box of tissues and some lube he snatched from Emmett's room, Justin took in the images of the two men from the video. He could barely make it through the horrifically cheesy opening dialogue but it didn't take long before there was naked man skin and enormous, impossibly hard cocks on the screen. Justin was overwhelmed by the thoughts that flooded his head as he watched the sex acts unfold in uncensored fashion. Watching a fucking gorgeous man lick and suck the ass of another before seeing the hole expand and swallow up the almost ten inches of cock threw Justin over the edge and he was stroking himself with a frenzied rhythm, so close to having a toe-curling release….

"What the fuck?" a shocked voice called suddenly from the entryway.

Justin jumped at the unexpected intrusion and at seeing Brian's embarrassed reaction; he quickly grabbed a couch pillow to cover up his leaking cock, knocking over the bottle of lube in the process. "Shit!" Justin called out trying to dap the spilled lube with the tissues. He was absolutely mortified. "Oh my God, Oh my God, get out!" Justin screamed as he was unable to cover himself, stop the movie and clean up the lube all at once.

"Get out?" Brian asked his hand covering his eyes to avoid seeing anymore than he already had "This is my best friend's apartment? Aren't you Lindsay's student, what are you even doing here?"

Justin groaned and tucked himself back into his pajama bottoms, the thin fabric did little to conceal either his still semi-erect cock and or the obvious wet spot that had formed. "I'm staying here for a while, my parents sort of kicked me out."

Brian peeked through his fingers and made sure the coast was clear. He stuck a hand in the pocket of his jeans discreetly adjusting his own cock. Brian caught a smirk on Justin's face as he did so; maybe it wasn't as discreet as he thought.

"Thank God!" Brian sighed relief.

"Um, I'm glad you're happy my parents tossed my queer ass out on the street" Justin said sarcastically.

"No" Brian shook his head to clarify the confusion, "Sorry, I was worried maybe you and Michael were um together."

"Oh and would that be a problem for you?" Justin took the opening to walk over to Brian trying to make use of some of Emmett's tips of the trade. He trailed his hand down Brian's chiseled chest as he ran his eyes over the most beautiful man he had ever had the privilege of touching.

Brian caught Justin's meaning and attempt at flirtation. He was surprised to feel a surge of electricity from Justin's touch descend to his cock. Uncomfortable at the emotion he quickly grabbed the young blond's hand, removing it from his chest but they maintained eye contact as Brian held on to his wrist. Brian shuttered, he couldn't remember feeling tingling like that with Lindsay ever, especially not from just a touch, as he released Justin's hand.

Justin gave a wide smile and blushed at the sexual tension that was flowing between them. Emmett was right; it didn't matter what was being said, all he needed to know was in the eyes. His confidence bolstered, Justin decided to let Brian make the next move. He stared at him until Brian could no longer take the tension.

"Well, I guess, um, since Mikey's not here, I'll go" Brian stammered.

"Ok, well I'll tell him you stopped by" Justin said confidently, placing his hand on the small of Brian's back and walking him out the door. "You sort of caught me in the middle of something, I'd really like to finish it" he ended with a brief brush of his hand over his crotch. Brian's eyes followed his hand through the motion and grew wide at his brazen display.

As the door shut behind him, Brian was overcome with the level of arousal he felt. He hadn't been this turned on since he didn't know when. As he drove over to meet Lindsay, he felt the same goofy smile appear whenever he remembered Justin's creamy, hairless skin or his playful smile while he touched his chest. Brian started to let the car drift to the shoulder as he vividly recalled the heated intensity in Justin's eyes as he stroked that beautiful, long, thick cock of his. Brian jerked the car back onto the road suddenly, shaking his head trying to banish these unfamiliar thoughts from his mind. _What is wrong with me? _

As he entered his home he felt a lump forming in his throat thinking of what was to come next. "Hey Lindsay?" Brian called loudly from the doorway.

"In the bedroom" Lindsay called. Brian bounded up the stairs taking two at a time. He found Lindsay brushing her blond hair at her vanity mirror sill in her robe. She stood to kiss him. Brian closed his eyes and pictured Justin's lips as he welcomed her tongue into his mouth. It didn't feel exactly right, Lindsay was soft, gentle. He imagined Justin would kiss harder, more raw. Brian grew hard against Lindsay's leg as he let his fantasy take over him. He needed a release in the worst way, it had been so long. Hearing Lindsay moan at his touch; Brian pushed her roughly to the bed face down. Pure sexual need consuming him; he pulled her hips up, unzipped his pants, and forced himself inside her. Trying to block out all her soft moans that threaten to spoil his fantasy; Brian concentrated solely on the back of her head, grabbing onto her blond hair roughly and thrusting with abandon. He bit his lip to avoid calling out Justin's name as he came harder than he had ever come before.

When Brian finally rolled off of Lindsay and she leaned sideways looking completely elated, reality hit him square in the jaw. Unable to deal with the realization of what had just occurred, Brian got up abruptly muttering of his plans to grab a shower but really just needing to be alone again.

After his shower, Brian found Lindsay and Gus in the family room. Gus was watching cartoons and Lindsay was reading a novel. "Hey" she greeted him warmly patting the couch for him to join her. Lindsay couldn't recall when Brian had been more passionate in the bedroom; her relief and gratitude for finally achieving a genuine orgasm during sex was spilling out of her. All she wanted was to keep their fledgling connection alive. She felt a twinge of disappointment as Brian bypassed her offer instead sitting with Gus on the floor but she sighed and stretched out on the couch watching her family contently over the top of her book.

Gus has a sleepover at Lindsay's parents' house so Brian and Lindsay sat quietly in the dining room eating pot roast and mashed potatoes and sharing a bottle of wine. After two glasses, Brian thought Lindsay was relaxed enough to start the conversation he had avoided earlier. "So you know that kid in your class, Justin?" Brian started.

"Yes, I'm actually really worried about him; he missed a few days this week." Lindsay smiled at Brian's attempt to show an interest in her work.

"Yeah, I ran into him….at Michael's. He said he got kicked out." Brian swallowed hard hoping that Lindsay would not make the connection between their earlier encounter and his having seen Justin.

"What? Why is he at Michaels?" Lindsay sat her glass down hard on the table in shock.

"How should I know?" Brian said defensively "You know how Mikey and Debbie are…always taking in strays. Michael's with the good doctor at the cabin this weekend so I can't exactly ask him."

"Well he can't stay there" Lindsay insisted, "If the school finds out…"

"What are you talking about?" Brian questioned, "Why would the school care where Justin lives? As long as they pay the thirty grand in tuition every year…"

"Well you know what happened with Mr. Snyder. If the school finds out Justin's gay and living with two gay men. Who knows what they will try to do and if they find out that we're friends with them. Oh God, I could lose my job." Lindsay shrieked.

Brian laughed causing him to spit his wine out, "Linds calm down would you? How you manage to turn this kid's parent troubles and what I'm sure is a temporary housing situation into you getting fired….and I thought Mikey was a drama queen."

"No, you don't know how conservative this school administration is. We can't allow this to continue. I'll talk to Justin's parent if he's having trouble at home maybe he can stay here?" Lindsay suggested.

"Here?" Brian spit out another swallow of wine as Lindsay wiped the stray droplets off her arm in disgust. "He can't stay here. That wouldn't look right". Brian was confident that Justin staying in his home would spell disaster.

"I know! I got it! We need help with Gus, right? You can't keep leaving work every day to get him picked up and I have to stay at school. So we let Justin stay here in the guest room and he can take my car to get Gus and bring him back to the school. It's perfect. The school won't have an issue with that a lot of students babysit for teacher's kids. I'm sure his parents will think it's a better arrangement than Michael's." Lindsay insisted.

"Lindsay, Justin is like a teenager. Aren't you concerned about him driving Gus around?" Brian was grasping at straws but feared too much protesting might reveal his true concern.

"Not really, I've seen him drive and he owes me a favor. It's a win-win" Lindsay insisted.

As Lindsay went off making phone calls to set her plan in motion; Brian lay back on his bed and groaned in frustration.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Per your request, a longer chapter. Enjoy...

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Justin entered the Kinney's guestroom and slung his duffle bag onto the queen size bed flopping down next to it. Only the thought of finally having a bed instead of a couch to sleep on could ease his heartache after having just sat through the most painful conversation with his parents. His dad's rejection he had expected but seeing the look on his mother's face, that heart-wrenching look of disappointment and embarrassment, was just too much for his young heart to bare. He was so grateful for Brian and Lindsay's offer but he knew that as strong as his desire for Brian was, he just couldn't alleviate the guilt he would feel if he were to betray such a generous person as Lindsay. He was thankful that he could help them out with Gus to compensate for the intrusion he was making into their life.

Unfortunately the arrangement meant that Justin had to go back to school and face the music after Chris's outing him. Daphne kept him informed of the current status of his social downfall; as the first and likely only gay kid at St. James Academy there wasn't much lower you could sink on the popularity hierarchy. The only bright spot was that Lindsay had entered his "Face of God" painting in the Archdiocese competition and he was sure to be a finalist. Justin had never really worried himself over paying for college, his parents always told him that it was covered, but now he was pretty sure he would be on his own. The scholarship money would really be helpful.

"Justin, Dinner" Lindsay's voice echoed from downstairs. Justin felt a twinge of apprehension as he sat down at the dining room table with Brian's happy family. Luckily Gus did most of the talking during dinner. Justin could barely keep up with the excited little boy as he kept leaving the table to show Justin various prized possessions; first his teddy bear, than a painting he made at school, then finally a train engine his dad had recently bought him. Lindsay was appalled by her son's inability to sit still at the table but Brian kept smiling and laughing, amused by Gus's reaction to Justin and Justin's indulging all his son's enthusiasm, oohing and aahing at each item Gus presented for Justin's inspection.

After dinner, Lindsay escorted Gus to the bathroom for his bath leaving Brian and Justin to clean up. Justin could feel Brian stealing glances at him as they worked and couldn't resist teasing him a little, bending over more than was necessary to load the dishwasher and brushing up against him to squeeze by him as he washed the pots and pans at the sink. Brian felt little jolts every time Justin touched him which caused him a deep level of anxiety. Brian tried to counter his nerves with alcohol, lots and lots of alcohol. By the time Lindsay returned from putting Gus to bed, Brian was snoring loudly passed out on the couch. Lindsay tried to wake him but seeing her effort was futile, covered him with a blanket and turned off the lights.

Lindsay sighed embarrassed watching her husband. She was visibly annoyed about Brian's drinking in front of her student "Justin there's a television in the spare room or I have a studio in the attic. You're welcome to use anything that's up there during your stay. We'll need to leave earlier for school than you're used to. I have to drop Gus off and be at school by seven so don't stay up too late."

Justin nodded in acknowledgement but the stress of the day was weighing on him and he really just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep. He wished Lindsay a good-night, said thank you about ten times and headed upstairs behind her. He sifted through the hallway bathroom cabinet as he brushed his teeth. In addition to Gus's toiletry items, Justin found some men's aftershave and a razor with stubble clogging the blades. He guessed that Brian used this bathroom at least on some occasions. He examined the razor and wondered if Brian shaved anywhere besides his face. Justin opened the aftershave and inhaled the scent. It was a masculine aura that smelled like Brian. He dabbed a few drops on his wrist so he could smell the intoxicating fragrance while he slept. He finished up his nightly routine, washing his face and hands, before shutting the medicine cabinet door and heading to bed. Being this close to Brian and not pursuing him was going to be harder than he thought

Brian woke up, his back twisted into an unnatural position and his head throbbing. He pulled a pillow over his face and groaned, debating about riding out the rest of the night on the couch. He flipped back and forth a few times but he couldn't get into a position that alleviated the pain in his lower back. Waking up on the couch after drinking too much was becoming a familiar situation lately; he wasn't looking forward to Lindsay's inevitable wrath. For the moment he just wanted to get to a real bed to get some real sleep without having to face Lindsay. Brian grabbed the blanket and stumbled up the stairs headed towards the guest room he completely forgot was now occupied. As he flung open the guest room door and took three unsteady steps towards the bed, he tripped over a pair of Justin's shoes and fell head first onto the bed on top of the sleeping Justin. Justin jolted up in bed hitting his head with Brian chin. "Fuck, what the hell?" Justin yelped as he struggled to break free of Brian who was tangled in the blanket and flailing about.

"God, Sorry, Oh my God" Brian exclaimed as he finally freed himself of the blanket and managed to stand up, taking Justin's blanket with him in the process. He glanced down at Justin who was clad in only a tight pair of black briefs and blushed furiously.

"Brian" Justin smiled flirtatiously, rubbing his head and making no attempt to cover up. He enjoyed seeing Brian mortified for a change, "If you wanted to sleep with me, you just have to ask."

"Um, I forgot you were here" Brian sputtered defensively fighting the urge to look at Justin's body any further, "I sleep in here sometimes".

Justin felt a rush of adrenaline finding out that Brian slept in the guest room. _Maybe they weren't such a happy family after all._ His elation at the new information was quickly tempered by his guilt at having the thought at all.

Brian apologized and left Justin to go back to sleep. He returned to the master bedroom as quietly as he could, sneaking under the covers with Lindsay and quickly falling into his alcohol assisted sleep with thoughts of the beautiful boy in the next room.

Justin awoke the next morning to Gus's smiling face. "Justin" Gus whispered, "My daddy said you need to get up now. We got to go to school."

Justin sat up and stretched, covering his morning hard-on from Gus's view. "Ok, Gussy" he answered rubbing the small child's head "Just give me a minute and I'll be right down."

Justin quickly worked his way through his morning routine and walked down the stairs surprised to see Brian instead of Lindsay.

"You drink coffee?" Brian said while pouring himself a travel mug from the coffee pot. Justin shook his head no and grabbed some OJ from the fridge.

"Where's Mrs. Peterson…I mean Lindsay?" Justin asked correcting himself since Lindsay insisted that they forgo such formality away from school.

"She wanted to let you sleep a little. She was meeting with the principal of your school this morning. I told her I would drop you off after we take Gus to school. I can show you the routine of picking him up that way as well." Brian glanced at his watch, "we need to go".

Brian rounded up Gus and ushered the boys to his car. As Brian leaned over to buckle Gus's seatbelt, he caught of whiff of Justin surprised to smell his own Armani aftershave. It was only a ten minute ride to Gus's school and the remainder of the trip to St. James was astonishingly comfortable. Justin spoke about his art and music interests trying to impress Brian with his knowledge. Brian couldn't believe how mature and well-spoken this young man was and he relaxed as they uncovered just how much they seemed to have in common. _So the boy had a crush on him?_ It wasn't like this was a new experience to Brian, Michael had a crush on him their whole friendship. He would just handle Justin like he did Michael.

As Justin exited the vehicle, Brian wished him a good day and Justin paused looking like he wanted to say something more before turning around and walking into the school. Brian found himself smiling his entire way to work enjoying his good mood, a real novelty for him these days.

Lindsay sat in the headmaster's office wringing her hands nervously. Her summons to the early morning meeting was unexpected and her mind played out the worst-case scenarios. Mr. Jackson, her boss, walked in and took a seat at his desk across from her. His stern look did nothing to alleviate the tension.

"Mrs. Peterson-Kinney, I'm afraid we have a problem" Mr. Jackson started, shuffling his papers on his desk.

"A problem sir?" Lindsay inquired.

"Yes, did you submit an artwork to the archdiocese scholarship competition by one of your students- Justin Taylor?"

"Yes sir, I made a number of submissions on behalf of several students, including Justin's"

"Yes well, I'm afraid we have a complaint by the student's father that this piece, the one he calls "The Face of God" is in fact a portrait of the young Mr. Taylor's gay lover who happens to be your husband and what's more that you knew and encouraged this young man in the creation of this work of sacrilege."

Lindsay was horrified at the accusation, "I assure you Mr. Jackson, that piece while influenced by my husband's image was not symbolic of a torrid relationship of any manner. Justin just met Brian not a week ago. I certainly did nothing to encourage anything other than Justin's artistic gift."

"I'm not sure what you are used to in the public schools you have taught at before, however, here at St. James we do not take images of God so lightly as to presume that a mere man should be used as inspiration for his image. It showed incredibly poor judgment on your part to make this submission and in addition to interfere in parental relationship by allowing Justin to live with you is just inexcusable. I'm afraid I will be placing you on suspension immediately pending your removal by the board. As for Mr. Taylor, I have withdrawn his embarrassing submission from the competition. Both you and he should make written apologies to the archdiocese immediately." Mr. Jackson stated matter of factly as he handed Lindsay written confirmation of her suspension.

Lindsay bowed her head in mortification. She had never been fired before, it was humiliating and she was incensed at the unfair treatment. Sensing that there was no immediate recourse, she stood and left the office, leaving the papers and her pride in the trashcan.

Justin walked into his art class in shock to find a substitute teacher in Lindsay's chair. Rumors have been circulating all day and ranged from the benign to the scandalous. As he took a seat the substitute called out his name.

"Justin Taylor?" the stout, balding man asked over the noise of the incoming students.

"Yes" Justin answered, walking up to approach the sub at his desk, "Where's Linds…I mean, Mrs. Peterson-Kinney?"

"That's none of your concern, young man" he stated harshly, "I have a note that you are to see Headmaster Jackson immediately. Here is a pass for you."

Justin nodded and walked with trepidation to the Headmaster's office. "Mr. Taylor, have a seat please" he was ushered into the office, a sinking feeling overcoming him as he came face-to-face with his father.

"Dad? What are you doing here?" Justin asked.

The headmaster explained what actions had been taken as a result of his painting. Justin felt terrible that Lindsay was losing her job and raw hatred at his father for being the cause. After repeatedly refuting the claim that Brian and he were lovers and unsuccessfully begging his principal to reinstate Lindsay, Justin saw the futility in fighting the school or his father any further. He refused to apologize either for his art work or for being openly gay and accepted his unjust expulsion without further protest. He made on final comment before leaving the office.

"Dad, I hope you know what you've done here. I'm never coming home. Do you hear me, never again! You are dead to me. As for the school, Mr. Jackson, I've worked too hard for twelve years, been a straight A student, and you think I'm going to let you expel me in my Senior year because I'm gay without a fight?" Justin threatened as he spun on his heels and left the school.

Justin sat on the steps outside the school not sure what to do with himself. He tried calling Lindsay several times with no answer. He finally surmised that he would have to call Brian to come get him.

Brian hung up the phone after hearing about Lindsay and Justin's plight with a hard thud. His anger was uncontrollable. _All this over a fucking painting?_ It seemed Lindsay was right to be concerned, this school was beyond homophobic. Brian grabbed his keys and stormed out to the car. He was barely calmed down when he stopped in front of the school to pick up Justin. He couldn't be sure but it looked like Justin had been crying and his heart broke at the sight of his crestfallen face such a contrast from the bubbly boy he had dropped off just three hours ago. Brian tried to make small talk and encouraged Justin to apologize to be reinstated at the school. A request Justin adamantly refused to honor.

"You don't have to be really be sorry" Brian explained, "Just tell them what they want to here. Get your diploma and leave them behind."

Justin shook his head, "You wouldn't understand" he exclaimed, "You're not gay!"

Justin's words hit Brian across the face, "Just because I'm not gay doesn't mean I don't sympathize with you. Some of my best friends are gay. Hell the woman who actually raised me, Debbie, is practically a gay man herself." Brian joked hoping to ease the tension between them.

Justin shut his eyes and turned to look out the window. As they pulled into the driveway, Brian was surprised to see an unknown car in his spot along-side Lindsay's car. "I wonder who that is" Brian exclaimed as he followed Justin into the house.

Lindsay sat on the couch next to a thin, brunette woman in a black power suit sipping coffee, her hands shaking evidenced by the china cup rattling on the small plate she held. The other woman was frantically taking notes on a black leather portfolio and nodding.

"Lindsay" Brian called to get her attention, pulling her up to give her a hug, "why didn't you call me?"

"Brian, you're home" she said surprised, melting into his embrace, "How did you…" he question trailed off at seeing Justin standing behind him at the doorway.

"Justin, why aren't you in school?" Lindsay asked angrily her suspicions getting ahead of her.

Brian and Justin filled Lindsay in on his predicament as the mystery woman continued to take notes until she broke her silence asking, "Did they actually say you should lie about being gay?" Justin and Brian looked to Lindsay waiting for her to introduce the stranger they only began to acknowledge was in the room.

"I'm sorry" Lindsay apologized for her neglectfulness, "Allow me to introduce Melanie Marcus. Melanie, this is my husband Brian and my student Justin Taylor. Brian, Melanie is an attorney I contacted after my meeting this morning. You know to discuss my options for the dismissal hearing."

"Doesn't the teacher's union help you with that?" Brian asked concerned about the pending legal bills given their loss of Lindsay's income.

Melanie shook her head, "I think you'll find that the teacher's union will be less than helpful in gay rights cases. After what happened to Mr. Snyder…." She trailed off leaving the sentence unfinished but the implication clear. Brian was impressed by the lawyer's hard-ass mannerisms. He pegged her as a lesbian and knew she would be more motivated to fight Lindsay's case than some union rep not to mention she was offering to help Justin for free.

Lindsay nodded, "I want Melanie" she insisted "I want to fight this".

"Me too" Justin chimed in.

"Okay then" Brian stated, "Let's get the bastards!"


	7. Chapter 7

Brian sighed as he hung up the phone in his office following a call from Lindsay informing him that they had lost their appeal to the school board to have her reinstated. It meant going to court; which meant more money. It had been over two months since Lindsay's termination and Brian was increasingly apprehensive about pursuing the case. Not that he lacked confidence in her position or her attorney for that matter. Brian had to admit Melanie was impressive. In the matter of a week, she had brow-beaten the school into reinstating Justin and all but erasing the disciplinary action on his record. It was a good thing too because Justin was just completing his college applications and with a 1500 on his SAT's he could pretty much right his own ticket as long as his record was clean.

Lindsay had spent the last two months encouraging him to look for art schools and functioning as his pseudo-parent, taking him to check out the area campuses. He was happy for Justin and got a kick out of his enthusiasm but wished that Lindsay would spend more time looking for a job and less time re-living her artist fantasies vicariously through Justin. It's not that Brian didn't understand why she was so enthralled with Justin's school applications. They had both drifted so far away from where they planned to be; mostly out of necessity to survive as young parents. Lindsay had planned to study abroad after graduation and then eventually live in New York and attend graduate school but after Gus was born practicality set in. Teaching paid the bills and gave her time to be a mom.

Brian had, well he just planned to get rich doing what he did best, selling bullshit to the masses and watching them lick it up just because he told them they needed it. Now he was the poster child of "working for the man". There was always "one more big fish to catch" or "just finish this latest campaign" on his boss's lips whenever he broached the partnership agreement. Brian was growing increasingly frustrated with the constant tease and relentless ass-kissing that was required to stay in contention. He felt he had no choice but to play along; he couldn't afford to switch agencies now and start over. What he really wanted to do was strike out on his own but that dream, like most of Brian's dreams, seemed to be on life support.

In addition to the ego boost he needed from the promotion; Brian also honestly needed the money. His money worries weighed on him heavily since Lindsay was officially fired. In addition to losing the income, there were mounting legal bills and an extra teenage mouth to feed. Brian was adamant that they would manage alone; he was not about to seek a loan from his in-laws no matter how many times Lindsay brought it up. Before leaving work, Brian opened his office desk drawer where he had been stashing credit card statements to hide them from Lindsay and randomly selected two that would actually get paid this month. Glancing at his watch he groaned realizing it was after eight already. Lindsay would be pissed. Between the hours at the office and the money worries, Brian realized it had been months since he and Lindsay had made love. He couldn't even get it up much at night. He blamed the stress for his lack of libido but honestly he was plenty horny in the morning if his dreams included a certain blond and not the one who slept next to him. Brian rationalized that he was just hard up given the months of pent up frustration that any attention would of course turn him on. This morning though, he started stroking his cock during his shower and he came harder and faster thinking of Justin's mouth sucking him than he ever had thinking about Lindsay. He didn't want to consider what that might mean.

Brian rushed home to be sure to tell Gus goodnight before his bedtime. Once inside, he caught Lindsay's icy glare and racked his brain for what sin he was going to be verbally chastised for tonight. He passed by Justin's room on his way to say goodnight to Gus and stared for a second. He was sketching, looking intently at the page with the end of his pencil in his mouth. _Man those lips! _

"Daddy, you're home." Gus called sleepily from his bedroom jarring Justin from his pensive state.

Justin looked up and caught Brian's stare from the hallway. He smiled warmly and looked back down to hide his smirk. Brian entered Gus's room and Justin couldn't help but let a little laugh escape. Even through Justin had way cooled it with the flirtation since Lindsay's ousting; he loved catching Brian stealing looks at him, his confidence bolstered knowing that he could have Brian if he wanted to. He would love to make a move but he had already cost Lindsay her job; he wasn't about to steal her husband too. He resigned to just thoroughly enjoying Brian's building lust from a distance.

Brian passed by Justin's room on his way back downstairs intentionally avoiding eye contact. Justin again laughed but decided to join them; Brian had been working so hard he was rarely home in the evening and Justin had missed just hanging out together. When he was partially down the stairs he heard Lindsay laying into Brian over money. He didn't want to eavesdrop but he heard something about the car payment being late and calling her parents. Justin slowly backed up the stairs retreating to his bedroom to give them privacy. The fight escalated and as he sat on his bed, well Lindsay and Brian's bed, that they let him sleep on, Justin felt awful. He could hear them screaming at each other and Brian shouted something about Lindsay getting a damn job then he heard the front door slam. Justin would have started packing right then if he had somewhere to go. His guilt overwhelmed him; when he moved in he thought he would be helping them with Gus as payment for their generosity but since Lindsay wasn't working, Justin was a complete free-loader. He decided to tell them he would leave as soon as he could find somewhere else to go.

After Lindsay stormed out, Brian went upstairs to his bedroom desperate for a hot shower. He had never been so emotionally wrecked. He wondered if this is why his own father drank so much; was this what his life was like every day? No wonder he was so resentful of his wife and kids. Brian stripped off his clothes and ran the water. He grunted realizing he would have to fish Gus's multitude of bath toys out of the bottom of the tub before he could get in, knocking over a bottle of tear free shampoo in the process.

"Fuck, God Dammit" he groaned in frustration as he used a towel to soak up the oozing liquid from the tile floor. He finally climbed into the shower and let a meditative trance set in. _How could this be his life? In less than six months he would be thirty years old and he had accomplished nothing he set out to do. _

Brian tilted his head forward rinsing the shampoo out of his hair when he thought he heard his bedroom door creak. He opened his eyes just briefly but enough time for some shampoo to find it's way into his orbits. The immediate intense burning set in and Brian reached desperately out of the shower to grab a towel to wipe his eyes.

"Fuck" he exclaimed as he realized he used the towel to soak up the shampoo earlier. Unable to fully open his eyes, Brian stepped one foot out of the tub onto the tile to reach for the towels in the linen closet. His foot hit the tile still slick with Gus's baby shampoo and one foot left the ground before the other. Brian grasped at the smooth tile tub enclosure in vain as he fell ass first onto the hard porcelain tub, smacking his head soundly on the edge and pulling the shower curtain down in the process.

Justin had just knocked gently on Lindsay and Brian's door before he heard the water running. Figuring whoever hadn't run out of the house was in the shower, Justin headed back to his room when he heard the loud crash and bang coming from the bedroom. Instinctively, he opened the bedroom door and knocked firmly on the master bath.

"Are you okay?" Justin called out excitedly. When he received no answer after a second knock, he thought it prudent to open the door to check even if it meant risking seeing Brian, or worse, Lindsay naked. Justin gasped at the site. The shower water was running everywhere and Brian was slumped into the tub, one leg over the rim, the other twisted awkwardly behind him. He was passed out cold but Justin could see his head was bleeding slightly. There was some blood drops on the tub out of reach of the water spray. The shower curtain and rod were laying on the floor, draped just over the nearby toilet. Justin turned the water off and tried to shake Brian awake. He reached for a towel and covered him but not before allowing himself a few second peek. It was only fair; after all, Brian had seen his hard cock before he rationalized seeing Brian soft wasn't that big a deal. Brian finally responded to Justin's shaking, a little groggy at first, but then fully alert as the shooting pain from his leg catapulted him into a fully awake state. Fully awake and aware of just how much fucking pain he was in.

"Fuck, my leg" Brian shouted, feeling a wave of nausea shoot through him as he pushed Justin out of the way and vomited all over the floor. Justin took a better look at Brian's leg and could clearly appreciate that his lower leg had a broken bone.

"Oh my God" Justin panicked, "I'll call 911" he went in search of the cordless phone from the master bedroom.

"Justin" Brian called anxiously, "Come back here"

Justin returned holding the phone ready to push the final 1. "What?"

"Hang up the phone" Brian instructed "Help me out of the tub"

"I, um, I don't want to make it worse" Justin responded.

"I'm not going to sit here cold, wet and naked waiting for an ambulance. Help me up and let me dry off and get some sweatpants on at least" Brian grumbled. _Fuck you Lindsay! _Brian couldn't think very clearly but he was pretty sure this was Lindsay's fault somehow at least having to suffer this humiliation in front of Justin.

Justin tried to position himself to hoist Brian out of the tub without standing in the spot his vomit now occupied but it was not possible. He sighed and grabbed what looked like an older towel from the linen closet and mopped up the mess haphazardly trying to hide just how grossed out he was. Once he could position himself he hooked his arms under Brian's armpit and pulled upwards supporting as much weight as he could. Justin got a good look at Brian's naked body which shamefully caused his cock to stir. He suppressed a laugh as Brian cussed an epic string of profanity at the movement. Hearing the pain in Brian's voice, Justin was quickly refocused on the leg which dangled precariously from his knee. Brian steadied himself on the towel bar and on Justin's shoulder until the dizziness and nausea subsided enough that he could shift himself to sit on the toilet lid.

"Justin, hand me a towel please and in the bedroom, second drawer, some basketball shorts. I don't think I can get sweatpants on." Brian moaned in agony as he dried himself. Justin was too worried to take a look at Brian's naked body but when he returned to the bathroom and Brian was dry and calmer, he allowed himself a full body scan as he held open the shorts to slide up Brian's legs. Brian lifted his body up enough that Justin could maneuver the shorts over his ass and bring the waistband up to its proper position. Brian looked exhausted from the exercise but pleased he was presentable.

"Ok, now, hand me the phone" Brian instructed and held out his hand. He called 911 and asked for an ambulance calmly. "Justin, will you please call Lindsay and let her know what happened and stay here with Gus?"

"Of course" Justin agreed eager to help, "Can I do anything else?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, you can never tell anyone what just happened!" he smirked.

Justin sat with Brian trying to sooth him and crack jokes to distract him from the pain. The ambulance arrived and Justin sat with Gus to make sure he wasn't scared if he woke up and heard the commotion as the EMT's worked him slowly down the stairs, each movement marked by another colorful string of profanities.

Lindsay showed up just as they were loading Brian into the ambulance and followed them to the hospital.

Justin got Gus back to sleep and headed to bed himself. He was still wired from the adrenaline rush and couldn't calm down enough to sleep. He went into the bathroom and cleaned up the best he could, rehanging the shower rod and mopping the floor, taking the soiled towels to the laundry room. He was sitting on the couch sketching Brian's body from memory when they got back. Brian wobbled in on crutches muttering nonsense under his breath, a large cast covering his foot up to his knee. Justin noticed for the first time that Brian had broken his right leg which meant he wouldn't be able to drive for quite some time.

Lindsay helped Brian to the couch and sat exhausted next to him. "Justin, you didn't have to wait up" Lindsay insisted.

"That's okay, I couldn't sleep" Justin admitted "Gus went right back to sleep through"

Brian mumbled more nonsense for a minute before falling asleep and snoring loudly.

Lindsay laughed, "Painkillers, they gave him the good stuff! Will you grab the blanket from the hall closet and some pillows off of our bed. I think it's best if he sleeps down here tonight, it will be too hard to get him up the stairs without his cooperation."

I did as Lindsay requested and helped Lindsay get Brian into a more comfortable position, propping his leg up on a few pillows to elevate it and covering him with a blanket. His chest was still bare and Justin smiled as he noticed the slight stubble, it seems Brian did shave his chest after all.

"Lindsay" Justin asked quietly, "Do you guys need me to move out?"

"What? Why would you ask that?"

"I don't want to be a burden, you know, financially" he confesses "I sort of overheard you fighting earlier"

"Oh Justin! I'm sorry you heard that. We don't want you to move out sweetheart, if anything with Brian's leg, we need your help more than ever" Lindsay assured him.

"Ok, but I'm only staying if you really let me help. I can cook, clean, run errands, babysit…but please let me do something to earn my keep. I think I will look for a part time job as well. Michael mentioned the diner where his mom works might need a bus boy."

Lindsay nodded and kissed Justin on top of the head. She didn't say it but she really did need Justin. If it wasn't for him, Brian might have jumped off a building by now. As much as it pained her to admit, she noticed that only two things brought Brian any joy these days; Gus and Justin. Her picture perfect post card marriage was a farce, an illusion, and it was agonizingly hard to keep it up. They cared for each other, she knew that, but their relationship was about Gus, a shared history, and a powerful sense of obligation and not about love. Lindsay knew Brian would never leave her, not after his own childhood. He would never admit that he didn't love her, not like a husband should love his wife. He would go through everyday slowly dying inside until she let him go. All this time Lindsay thought she was doing what was best for Gus. But at the hospital with Brian under the influence of morphine, he finally said the words she needed to here. He finally said it out loud.

"Lindsay no more fighting sweetheart; I don't want to be my father" he whispered in her ear barely coherent, "Gus can't know I hate my life".

Lindsay lay back in their bed and cried as the realization consumed her. The best thing for Gus wasn't two miserable parents. He needed a happy father. A happy father meant she had to let him go.


	8. Chapter 8

"Portland? Why the fuck do you want to move to Washington?" Brian exclaimed in utter dismay to his best friend's announcement. Brian grew animated as he spoke jarring his broken leg off the pillow it was perched on in the process. "Fuck" he cried out as his cast hit the glass coffee table with a thud.

Michael recoiled at Brian's reaction. He really hadn't expected him to be so upset by his news, "Oregon, Brian, Portland is in Oregon" he corrected gently "and David's son is there".

Brian shook his head in disappointment. Sure, he could admit that he and Michael didn't exactly hang out as much as they once had especially since Mikey met Dr. David and Brian had been working so many hours on his quest to make partner. Still Oregon was on the other side of the country; he would never see him now.

Michael helped ease Brian's cast back to the pillow. "Does it still hurt?" he asked concerned.

It had been two weeks since his fall but pain management was still a significant problem. "Like a bitch! The fucking pills make me so sleepy I can't get any work done." Brian was thankful his boss was letting him work from home at least part of the time. He hated relying on Lindsay and Justin to take him into the office and pick him up. He really hated the fucking crutches and having to take the elevator everywhere when he was used to just taking the stairs. The whole fucking leg had been a disaster to his push for partnership and Brian had never felt so helpless

Michael nodded sympathetically, "Well it's after five; can I get you some of the pain meds now?"

Brian refused although he craved them badly. "Nah, Justin took Gus to the park right after school and I don't want to crash before I get a chance to spend some time with him. They should be home soon. So should Linds, I think. Do you want to stay for dinner? I think Justin's cooking."

"Wow, boy wonder's quite a help, isn't he?" Mikey commented, "I can stay, is it okay if I invite Emmett. I told him I would hang with him tonight. He's feeling neglected since I practically moved in with David."

"Sure" Brian smiled, "I haven't seen Honeycutt in a while. Let me just call Lindsay and see what time she thinks she will be home."

"Yeah, where is Lindsay anyways?" Michael asked, "Did she start working again?"

Brian's brow furrowed at the suggestion that Lindsay might actually have found employment. On one hand Brian understood that finding a teaching job once the school year started was a challenge but she was pretty resistant to even looking still convinced she would eventually prevail in her case. "I wish" he muttered before responding, "No she's with her attorney again something to do with the case"

Brian was just about to dial Lindsay's cell when his phone rang. Lindsay called to let him know she was having dinner with Melanie. Brian hung up not that surprised, his wife had been fairly distant since his accident and she was spending a lot of time with her friends, Melanie and even her parents.

"Well looks like a guy's night." Brian exclaimed as Justin walked into the house after a very dirty Gus.

Justin was delighted to have Michael and Emmett join them for dinner. He decided to make his mom's jambalaya and a grilled cheese for Little Gus. He went to work with some help from Emmett; it all came together quickly enough. They ate leisurely, except Gus, who scarfed down his dinner so he could return to playing with his model train set that ran the floor in the family room. Justin enjoyed seeing Brian with his friends it was nice to see his smile return; he had been so miserable lately. He was a different man around Michael for sure. Justin observed the light return to Brian's eyes as he reminisced back to his adolescence. Justin was happy that Michael had met someone; he deserved to be happy but felt it was unfortunate that it was taking him so far away from Brian. Justin enjoyed the camaraderie of the other men and wished he was brave enough to grab a beer instead of the coke he was nursing.

As the boys got more and more tipsy the dinner conversation changed to Michael's ill-fated attempts at being straight during high school which sent the entire table into hysterics. Michael started to get visibly irritated as Brian shared embarrassing story after embarrassing story of Michael's awkward attempts with girls. Michael finally had enough and decided it was time to dish to the table of Brian's awkward attempts with boys, mainly himself. Most of the stories were innocent enough but one story involving jacking off together to Patrick Swayze had Justin's full attention. Brian laughed it off dismissively as teenage exploration.

"C'mon Mikey, we were what fourteen? I was practically living with your family that year; you were gay, Vic was gay. I thought it was expected of me to want dick to live there. I secretly believed your mom would only love me if I WAS gay." Brian laughed.

"Yeah, well you got hard, didn't you?" Mikey teased.

"Hell you can get a stiffy about anything at that age and Dirty Dancing was sort of a hot movie. We didn't come so it doesn't count" Brian asserted reliving his own relief that Debbie had interrupted them before things had gone to far.

"Dirty Dancing?" Justin asked innocently to the group "I haven't seen it; that's a really old movie"

Michael chuckled and let out a groan, "Fuck off boy wonder; you really are a chicken!"

Justin frowned at Michael's teasing him about his age in front of Brian and the older gentlemen all harassed him for having been born in the eighties and missing all the cultural references from that time. They spoke about other coming of age sex scenes made famous by eighties movies and the impact they had on their respective sexual identities. They all admitted to celebrity crushes and whose images they jacked off to in Junior High and the mood was completely jovial and friendly again.

Brian allowed himself just one glance at Justin's face as he shared his early sexual experiences. Justin's mouth was in a wide smile and he was clearly interested. Brian wasn't sure why Justin's reaction made him happy. He supposed it was because Justin had really stopped flirting with him shortly after he moved in and it pleased Brian to know he was interested, at least somewhat, in Brian's sex life. Not that Brian had a sex life anymore, at least not beyond his own hand.

Emmett grew tired of reliving the Brian and Mikey show yet again and redirected the conversation. "So baby" he turned to Justin, "tell me about your progress with Mr. Dreamboat. You work your twink charms on him yet?"

Justin blushed furiously at Emmett's question. He assumed that Emmett would have put together that Brian was the man he had been referring to after talking to Michael; unaware of just how little Michael had been home since he began seeing David. "Oh, nothing new to report" Justin answered intentionally vague.

Brian felt a twinge of jealousy, "Why am I just now hearing about this?" he asked attempting to sound as fucking casual as humanly possible, "Justin, you never mentioned a boyfriend?"

Justin froze; all three men were staring at him intently waiting for his response. "Um, he's just a kid at school. I gave him a hand job but he's not my boyfriend." Justin lied using Chris Hobbs as a cover. Chris had been nothing but a fucking problem since Justin returned to school, constantly taunting him but stopping short of anything physical enough to get himself in real trouble.

Unnerved by Brian's piercing stare, Justin looked away quickly trying to invent a good way to change the subject but just as he was about to suggest that Gus needed his bath, Emmett hollered out, "Oh no, not him sugar, the married one. You know the married straight guy you were trying to seduce into taking your virginity."

Justin turned a bright shade of crimson and was looking at Brian for signs of recognition. He looked unhappy; maybe angry, maybe hurt. Justin wasn't sure. He couldn't know if that meant Brian knew or didn't know that he was the Mr. Dreamboat. But one look at Michael's face and it was obvious who did. Just as Justin was about to offer some plausible story as to who Emmett was referring to, they were interrupted by Gus screaming, "Mommy!" followed by Lindsay's arrival back home.

"Hey Gussy" Lindsay said embracing her son, "Oh my, you're filthy. We need to get you into the bathtub."

Gus groaned as Lindsay instructed him to pick up his toys and get ready for his bath. Lindsay joined the other adults in the dining room and Brian was relieved to see she was in such a pleasant mood. Lindsay couldn't contain her excitement much longer as she shared the big news.

"I'm going to New York!" she exclaimed. Everyone at the table matched her enthusiasm except Brian who instantly worried about the impact this trip would have on their pocketbook. Lindsay went on to explain that Melanie has arranged to get some publicity about her case and they were participating in an interview for a news station that wanted to pick up the story of a teacher fired for helping a gay student. Brian relaxed as Lindsay shared that the station was picking up the tab.

"Justin, they might even show your painting!" she added.

"On television?" he asked, "Wow, that'd be intense!"

Lindsay left the men to get Gus in the bathtub and Michael hurried Emmett off for home with a flimsy excuse. Justin laughed as Brian tried to help clear the table on his crutches.

"Go sit down, will you?" he exclaimed after Brian nearly dropped a stack of dirty plates. Brian obliged realizing he couldn't be much help but he chose to sit in the kitchen while Justin cleaned up dinner.

"So, about this man you were planning to seduce?" he asked to Justin's back as he washed the pans from dinner "Did you make a move yet?"

Justin was mortified, "No" he admitted slowly with a shrug, washing the same pan into oblivion.

"Why not? Are you not sure it's what you want anymore?" Brian kept prying desperate to know more.

Justin turned to look at Brian, not sure if they were having the same conversation. The feeling in his belly told them they were talking about something deeper than the surface. "No I know it's what I want. I just don't think it matters much what I want. I might be out of luck on this one."

"What do you mean, of course it matters?" Brian knew what Justin was telling him but his mind hadn't fully wrapped around it quite yet. He had to be sure that he understood correctly. There would be no going back once it was out there.

"I mean that just because I want something, doesn't mean I'm gonna get it, right?" Justin had an intense look on his face as he sat across from Brian and rested his chin on his fist.

It took everything for Brian not to bolt from the table. Did this mean that Justin desired him; wanted him to take his virginity? The thoughts spurred a swell of emotions in him so confusing his head was spinning with the combination of guilt and lust.

Brian swallowed hard, he needed to get it out in the open, and he had to know, "Are you saying you think the man you're interested in, isn't interested in you?"

Justin smiled wondering if Brian was really as dense as he was appearing to be. After all, Justin was practically screaming, "Brian, please fuck me" at him with his eyes. Maybe he needed one of Emmett's tutorials. "Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying" Justin confirmed.

Justin layered it on extra thick just in case Brian wasn't pretending. He tracked his movements intently as Brian lifted his beer to his lips and as Brian placed his lips on the bottle, Justin let a soft moan escape conveying his arousal, wishing his cock was that bottle.

"Well, all I can say is if there's something you want, you should at least ask for it. You never know what the answer might be"

Brian immediately regretted the words as they left his mouth. He was basically encouraging Justin to make a move which Brian wasn't sure how he would respond to. There was Lindsay to consider and Brian had no way to describe why he found himself so attracted to Justin. He had never felt any sort of sexual pull like this. He figured it was that he had been so sexually comatose for so long that his body was just needy for action, any action. Well maybe not any action, Brian was pretty sure he didn't want anything as big as Justin's cock in his ass.

Justin paused considering what Brian was offering. He has promised himself that he wouldn't go there, that he couldn't go there with Brian, not knowing what it might do to Lindsay and Gus. His brain was preaching to his dick about morals and decency; and his dick was telling his brain to fuck off. Justin couldn't contain his inner desires any longer, "Brian, have you ever been with a man?"

Brian almost choked on his beer, sort of impressed that Justin laid it on the line like that, "Like as in sex, with a man" Brian sputtered, "No, I mean, I'm not gay so no, I haven't tried it". Brian had spoken the words "I'm not gay" many times over the years with Michael and his friends and never once did Brian feel like he was lying. This time as the words left his mouth, he doubted them, so much so that he almost wanted to take them back.

Justin sighed heavily all the months of wanting and denial catching up to him. He just couldn't do it anymore. He decided to just put his cards on the table once and for all. "Listen, I'm not trying to pressure you if you don't want to but I'd be lying if I said I haven't wanted to fuck you, to be fucked by you actually, since I first saw you. I know you love Lindsay, but it doesn't take a genius to see there's no passion there. I know you're fucking miserable. You barely touch each other, maybe that means you are gay, and maybe it doesn't. I can't answer that for you but I can see you looking at me these last few months and I think you're sexy as hell, so I'm letting you know that if you want it. If you want to try it and just see if it's something you like; I want you."

Brian felt a lump form in his throat as Justin's offer sunk in. "You're so young" Brian protested softly.

Justin smiled and laughed quietly at the response. Of all the objections to Justin's offer, he thought their age difference would be pretty low on the list of Brian's concerns.

"I'm old enough, legal anyways, if that's what you're worried about" he assured him, "Brian, you're different from the men my age. I could go to Babylon if I wanted. I'm blond and I have a great ass; I could fuck just about anyone I want. But I haven't because I know I want you. Something draws me to you. I want my first time to be with you followed quickly by my second, third and fourth times. I want you to fuck me. I want you to fuck me all night long."

Brian was about to respond when they heard Lindsay's footsteps on the stairs. She joined them in the kitchen and chatted excitedly about her case and upcoming trip oblivious to the offer Justin had just made. Feeling guilt set in, Justin excused himself to go upstairs.

Brian popped two pain pills and slowly navigated his way to his bed. He succumbed to his drug induced sleep with Justin's words playing on repeat in his brain. He wanted to hold him, kiss him, so desperately. The aching in his broken leg paled in comparison to the deep ache his body had for that beautiful man just one wall away from him.

Brian awoke to find that Lindsay was already gone having left to drop Gus and Justin off at school. She had plans again with Melanie and then was going to shop for something to wear for her television debut. Brian got out of bed deciding he was going to the office today come hell or high water. He just couldn't stay home any longer. If he did he knew he would spend the day masturbating to visions of his cock buried in Justin's ass. No, what he needed was to get dressed in a nice suit and go to the office and feel like a normal man again.

It wasn't graceful or fast but eventually Brian stood at the doorway to his home a fully dressed, upright man waiting on a cab to take him to work. He shut himself in his office and the time flew by as he caught up on several projects. He felt better than he had in a long time. Self-satisfaction crept over him at how productive his day had actually been and he managed to not think about Justin all day, well almost anyways. He decided he was married to Lindsay for better or worse and that was that. He wasn't gay; he was just depressed, confused and lonely and Justin's attention felt so fucking good because he needed the ego boost and that was all there was to it.

Some of the guys at work cornered him and twisted his arm into joining them for a drink. One of them offered him a ride home so he thought what the hell and agreed to go. When they pulled up to the "bar" Brian cringed. This was no typical happy hour with colleagues. They were at one of the raunchiest strip clubs in town. His coworkers patted his back enthusiastically as they walked into the club.

Brian's eyes adjusted rapidly to the dark and seedy club. Young girls with large breasts worked their way around polls, swaying their hips seductively to music, on two stages. The first round of drinks was served and one of the junior ad execs lifted his shot glass, "To Jim" he exclaimed cheerfully and all the men clinked their glasses and downed their shots. Brian followed suit but elbowed Elliott, one of the VP's, and whispered, "Why are we toasting Jim?"

Elliott looked puzzled at first, "Oh, I guess no one told you. Vanguard made Jim partner today!"

Brian felt like he was going to throw up. Jim was younger than him and had worked there less time. He had pulled one large account but it wasn't nearly the volume or revenue Brian was responsible for. He wanted to excuse himself but as he tried to locate his crutches and hoist himself to a standing position, a young blue-eyed, redhead climbed into his lap and started grinding her way up his knees until her crotch was pushing on his dick. She thrust herself onto his lap and worked him like a professional. Only Brian's dick didn't respond, at all. Brian contemplated that maybe it was the fact that he never really liked redheads, or his coworkers were watching, or the that he felt like he had been punched in the gut with the news of Jim's promotion. Any of these might explain the reason why Brian's dick lay completely unimpressed by the redhead's gyrations. As he moved his head to avoid the silicone enhanced D- cups being rubbed in his face; Brian knew the real reason was none of these. The real reason was he was gay. He wanted Justin; he wanted to taste his mouth, he wanted to taste his cock, hell he even wanted to taste his ass and nothing this redhead was doing and nothing Lindsay could ever do was going to change that fact.

Brian stood up, handing the redhead ten bucks for her trouble and hobbled himself out of the club and into a cab on his way home.


	9. Chapter 9

Brian stepped out of the cab still reeling from his realization and looked towards his true home. There was only one person he needed to talk to at this moment. His heart fluttered nervously as he approached the door. She had to be home; he needed her.

He opened the door and swung himself with his crutches over the threshold. The smell hit him instantly. It was the same smell that he would look forward to everyday walking home with Michael afterschool; that smell synonymous with home to Brian.

"Brian" Debbie hollered from her kitchen, "Hi honey. What in the world are you doing here?"

Brian plopped himself down on the ancient recliner in the Novotny family room and hooked his leg over the arm rest. He pulled the crocheted rainbow afghan that Debbie kept draped over the chair up and over his head and wrapped himself in it sinking into the warm embrace of the worn chair.

Debbie let out an amused laugh at Brian's theatrics but the look on the face of her second son, the one that came as a package deal with her actual son, and she instantly grew concerned. "Jesus Christ Baby, what happened to you?" she cried, "Is Gus ok? Lindsay?" she sat on the edge of the sofa and placed her hand on his knee offering her motherly comfort. She wanted to hug him but you had to tread carefully with Brian; he could be touchy about signs of affection.

Brian looked at Debbie and ruminated over how best to approach this subject. "Mom, I need the kitty jar" he whined.

Debbie's eyes grew wide, "What do you know about the kitty jar?" she asked sternly slapping his knee for good measure.

Brian rolled his eyes, "Give it up we've known about the kitty jar since we were fifteen. Bring it to me; my leg hurts" he sniped but at seeing Debbie's reaction to his poor manners he added a last minute "Please".

Debbie resisted for another minute at least long enough to ease her parental obligations and went to the bedroom to retrieve the cat-shaped ceramic jar where she stashed her pot, rolling papers and lighter.

She handed the jar to Brian and feigned disapproval as she watched her son expertly roll a joint and light it. He took a deep toke and passed it to her, "Is that marinara I smell?"

Debbie took a drag and passed the joint back to Brian and left him to fix her special brand of healing better known as lasagna. She waited silently as Brian shoveled the pasta into his mouth and smoked the joint. Once he was fed and high, she started probing to get to the bottom of his visit, "Is this about Michael moving with David?"

Brian shook his head giving a look of disgust at even the thought that he gave a shit about Michael's sugar daddy; "No it's about me" he clarified still formulating the correct words in his head. "I've been really unhappy lately" he explained, "and tonight I think I figured out why"

Debbie sighed, patting him on the leg as he spoke, "I know baby. Anyone who knows you knows how miserable you've been. Tell me."

Brian had a couple of false rambling starts before finally getting out the words that eluded him "I think I'm…well I might be…I'm gay." Brian sighed at saying it out loud for the first time. Still he knew he made the right choice saying them to the only person who would have no expectations or motives to react anyway other than authentically.

He peered at Debbie expecting to see shock or surprise but instead she just smiled warmly and said, "Well it took you long enough" and took another hit in such a nonchalant manner it was as if he had just told her something as benign as "I think I'll get a new haircut.

"You knew?" he asked in dismayed irritation, "Why didn't you tell me; you told Michael when he was ten?"

Debbie took another long pull and passed it back to Brian then picked up his plate and stuck a fork in his lasagna for a bite, chewing slowly while he waited impatiently for an explanation. "Oh Brian. I knew you were gay when Michael brought you home and I certainly knew it those times I caught you together with your dicks out. But you weren't like Michael. Your home life was so complicated. I figured why give you something else to worry about. Then when you went away to school and met Lindsay. I figured well he'll figure it out soon enough but then Gus came along and well six years later here we are." She shrugged casually taking another bite of lasagna.

Brian was crushed at the mention of Gus and Lindsay, "What am I supposed to do?" he whined, throwing his head back in an uncharacteristic drama queen move.

"You, you need to talk to your wife. It will be okay. You're both good people, good parents. She deserves to find someone who can love her like she should be loved and you, my sweet boy, you deserve the same."

Debbie treaded carefully on the next part, "Do me a favor though, and don't tell Michael right away".

Brian was perplexed at Debbie's request knowing more than anyone Michael would be thrilled if he was gay, "Debbie, I can't…I tell Michael everything. Why the hell not?"

Debbie exhaled slowly she hated asking him to keep secrets but sometimes it was the kinder choice. "You know Michael's been in love with you since you were thirteen" Debbie reasoned, "If you tell him now he won't move with David to Portland."

"Maybe he shouldn't be moving to Portland with David" Brian argued.

"Maybe not, but he needs to have a life that doesn't involve pining after you. If you tell him and he stays it will be for you and we both know you can't give him what he wants."

"I love Michael, always have, always will" Brian protested.

"I know that sweetheart" she said, "but you love him like a brother, not as a lover. He won't understand that. It will tear him apart."

"How do you know I don't love Michael as a lover?" Brian asked "I just figured out I was gay, I haven't even considered Mikey in that way."

"Brian, honey, if you felt that way towards Mikey or any of the other boys you would have figured this out a long time ago. You feel towards them what you feel towards Lindsay. No, I'm guessing that you met someone who despite your valiant efforts to never let another soul touch yours, has gotten in under the wire. And that's what's happened, hasn't it?"

Brian thought about Debbie's words but said nothing. Could this be what it felt like to be in love? Had it just never happened to him before? All this time with Lindsay, all this time he thought he loved her, was it no different than the way he felt towards Michael. He contemplated this and so much more. "So talk to Lindsay and tell her what? He asked her.

"Tell her what's in your heart; tell her you love her and you want her to be with someone who can give her what she needs." Debbie advised lovingly before smacking him abruptly on the back of his head, "but listen asshole for fuck's sake don't you stick your dick anywhere else until you do. She will be hurt enough as it is. Don't add to that pain." Debbie smashed Brian's cheeks together and kissed him.

Brian smiled at Debbie's unique style of foul mouthed heart-to-hearts. "What if I'm wrong? I mean I haven't acted on anything yet. What if I try it and find out I'm not gay?

Debbie rolled her eyes dismissively as if to say, "you're gay, accept it". Brian stayed at Debbie's house for another hour watching QVC with her before he felt he gathered up enough inner fortitude to have the necessary conversation with Lindsay. As he left Debbie's he worried he still hadn't figured out exactly how he was going to resist Justin.

Three days had gone by and Brian had still not said anything to Lindsay. He justified this mainly by the fact that Lindsay was rarely home and when she was home, she was spending time with Gus or Justin. Which was a problem since Brian was doing his best to avoid Justin all together. Brian knew he had to tell her tonight. She was leaving for New York tomorrow and there was no way he could be alone with Justin without talking to Lindsay first.

Brian planned to have a family dinner for Lindsay's farewell and then ask Justin to put Gus to bed so they could have a private chat. His plan was complicated by Lindsay's invitation to include Melanie in their dinner. As Lindsay finished up cooking, chatting with Melanie about the plans for New York; Brian went upstairs to check on Gus. Brian passed Justin's room and noticed that Justin was throwing things into his duffle bag from his closet.

"Going somewhere?" he asked casually.

Justin shot him a nasty look, "Like you give a shit!" he snarled.

Brian placed his hand on Justin's shoulder, an innocent touch but charged with emotion. Justin quickly removed his hand. "What's the matter with you?" Brian asked.

"Nothing, I'm going to Babylon tonight with Emmett and Ted." He answered coldly, "I'll stay with Emmett tonight it will be late before I get home."

"You can't go to Babylon! You're underage."

Justin smirked, 'I told you Brian, I'm blond and I have a…."

"yeah, yeah….a great ass" Brian finished "that still doesn't make you 21".

"Well it will get me in the door and whatever else I need" he offered a snarky smile. Brian hadn't so much as spoken to him since his offer. He was tired of waiting on what may never happen. He was gay and wanted to experience all that meant.

Brian looked gutted. "Please don't" he whispered.

"Don't what Brian? Don't fuck? I'm at my sexual peak, I gave you a chance and you blew me off. If you're not sure…if you don't want me…then I'll find someone who does"

"Justin please" he pulled him close by his waist using all his strength to hold back the floodgates, "I need one more day, please, I just need to talk to Lindsay" he begged him.

Justin took one look at Brian's eyes and understood the intensity of their mutual lust. Those lips were so kissable, he craved him. He felt desperate for him and the desperation needed to end right now. He closed the gap between them and parted Brian's lips with his tongue, a rush of warmth flowed through his entire body as he crushed his mouth to Brian's for the first time. It took Justin only a second to feel Brian initial hesitation dissolve. When he felt Brian's hand lift the hem of his shirt feeling the naked skin on his back; he knew. In one intentional touch Brian's true desire was confessed. Justin fought the urge to push further and faster than the situation allowed.

One small voice at the entry of the room shook Brian back to reality. Justin fell back on the bed after Brian issued a forceful shove upon hearing Gus call "Daddy".

"Gus" Brian squatted to his son so they were on eye level, "Hi Sonny Boy. I was just coming to find you for dinner."

"Mommy sent me to get you and Justin" he said still looking a little confused by what he had witnessed.

Justin and Brian exchanged a nervous glance as they followed Gus down the stairs to the table to join Melanie and Lindsay.

"Is Justin my uncle?" Gus asked to his parents as they sipped wine and ate in uncomfortable silence.

Lindsay smiled at her son, "No honey, Justin's a friend"

"Is Melanie my Uncle?" he asked again.

Lindsay looked at Brian to see if he understood where Gus's questions were coming from but saw nothing except a mirror of her own perplexed expression. "No Melanie is a friend too, Gus honey, why are you asking?"

"Well Daddy kisses Uncle Mikey and when I tried to kiss my friend at school and the teacher got me in bad trouble you told me that sometimes boys kiss boys but only like Uncle Mikey and Daddy" Gus explained.

Lindsay shifted uncomfortably in her chair and Brian made every attempt to avoid eye contact but before either of them could stop him he finished his six year old conclusion, "So I thought if Daddy kisses Justin and Mommy kisses Melanie, maybe they are my uncles too"

Brian and Lindsay both closed their eyes a little dizzy at processing the enormous impact Gus's flawed logic had for their lives. Lindsay started crying and Brian looked at the pain in his wife's eyes and the look of confusion on his son's face. He took a slow deep breath and walked next to his son's chair and tried to explain, "Gussy, you know mommy and daddy love you so much right?"

Gus nodded while Brian continued grabbing Lindsay's hand as he spoke and giving it a squeeze, "Grown-ups kiss on the lips when they want to show the other person that they really care about them. Usually that means a boy and girl, but sometimes it can be two boys or two girls. I care about mommy and Uncle Mikey so I kiss them both on the lips. The reason your teacher was upset when you kissed your friend is sometimes people don't understand when two boys and two girls care about each other so much that they want to kiss but just because they might not understand it, that doesn't make it wrong"

"But you care about Justin enough to kiss him on the lips?" Gus asked.

Brian nodded looking at Justin as he did. With Brian's confession, Lindsay stood up from the table and politely excused herself with a whisper seeking the refuge of her bedroom.

Melanie and Justin sat dumbfounded at what had just happened as Brian followed Lindsay to their bedroom. Had Brian just come out to his wife?

Brian knocked gently on the door before he entered, "Lindsay, are you okay?"

He sat next to her on their bed and pulled the pillow she was using to cover her face down gently, "I'm sorry" she whispered.

"Sorry is bullshit…" he said feeling the tears start to well up inside "…but me too. I really didn't know until Justin, I swear, I never would have proposed if I knew. I wouldn't have done that to you. I love you too much."

Lindsay wrapped her arms around Brian and felt him pull her close and use his free hand to stroke her hair, "So you're what bisexual, gay?"

Brian shrugged, "I don't really know, gay, I guess. Nothing's happened yet. It was just the one kiss but I've never felt like this. I've never, you know, wanted someone so much."

"So I'm the reason you're so miserable? Why you hate your life?" her speech broken by sniffles and tears.

"God no! Lindsay, look I love you and Gus. You both make my life so much better. I'm miserable because of me because I don't know what I am or what I'm doing. I'm just lost but when I'm with Justin, I just feel like maybe there's hope, you know, I just feel less lost"

"Do you love him?" Lindsay asked sincerely.

He sighed unwilling to make that leap "I don't know. It's just about the potential to feel something more. What about you? Melanie?"

Lindsay shook her head, "Nothing's happened between us. Gus saw her kiss me once, that's all there is. I love you so much but after the hospital when you told me you hated your life I just knew I needed to detach. She was there for me and she says she loves me in ways that you don't."

"In ways that I can't" he corrected. "I wish I could love you like you need to be loved. You gave me such a beautiful son. I want you to be happy."

"I want us to be happy" Lindsay corrected "so what now? We can't exactly afford two household and a divorce."

"I don't know Lindsay. We could sell the house? We should be able to get enough from the sale to buy two smaller places" Brian suggested.

She nodded, "and until then?"

"Do you want me to move out?" he asked sensing her desire was just that.

She shook her head, "It might be awkward with Justin living here with just me and Gus. You stay; Gus and I will stay with my parents when we get back from New York."

Brian shook his head, "I don't want Gus to leave his house. This will be confusing enough for him as it is. Why don't we both just stay until we can sell? Michael's leaving soon, Justin can live at Emmett's if that will make it more comfortable for you."

Lindsay nodded in agreement; her son's well-being was worth dealing with the uncomfortableness of the situation.

He hugged her again and they lay silently for a time holding each other saying good-bye to what was before they decided they should check on Gus.

They walked hand and hand down the stairs to see Justin coloring with Gus at the table, "Where's Melanie?" Lindsay asked.

"She said that she would see you at the airport in the morning" Justin relayed the message with embarrassment. "Lindsay, I'm really sorry, you know, for my part in this. I feel horrible."

Lindsay dismissed Justin's apology with a shake of her head, "I know. We all bear some of the blame" she looked at Brian as she spoke for his permission to say what needed to be said, "…but Brian and I need to do what's best for Gus. We've decided to sell the house so we can afford to live apart but in the meantime when I get back from New York, it would be easier if you were to live somewhere else. Brian is going to call Emmett and see about you staying there."

Justin nodded, his guilt bleeding through his pained expression. "I understand, I'm really sorry" he said as he stood up to leave them alone.

"Justin, I don't blame you. It's not your fault. The whole situation, it's just, well it's fucked up is what it is! Brian and I just need some time with Gus alone to do what needs to be done." She patted his arm as she spoke trying to convey just how sorry she was at kicking him out. She looked at Justin's angelic face as he stared intensely at Brian and felt the magnitude of the pull between for the first time. It truly was other-worldly.

Seeing Brian's benevolent expression as he gazed at Justin; Lindsay understood why Justin had named his painting "The Face of God". She just had no idea how much her life would change because of it.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: I have never made you wait 10 chapters of build up before B/J lovin' scenes, so as a reward you're getting an extra long chapter. Just be warned, Brian goes way OOC here due to the plot. Hope you enjoy anyways.

* * *

Brian woke up on his couch to Lindsay's gentle touch shaking him awake. "Brian, I'm leaving now" she whispered softly "Gus is still sleeping".

"Okay" Brian responded sitting upright and trying to lift himself up to a standing position. He embraced Lindsay quickly with a kiss on the cheek. He wasn't sure his affections were welcomed but she smiled warmly back at him, "Hey Linds" he held her shoulders and looked into her eyes, "This weekend, with Melanie, I want you to just do what comes natural, okay, just do what will make you happy". He wasn't sure she needed his permission after what he had confessed but he needed to make sure she didn't hold back because of him and he certainly wasn't sure he could hold back because of her.

Lindsay nodded silently. She took her suitcase and walked to the front door of her home. She grasped the doorknob but stopped short of leaving and turned back to her husband, "You too Brian, I just want you to be happy too".

Brian sighed, relieved to have her blessing, but terrified that there were no more obstacles in the way of being with Justin. Well almost no obstacles, there was Gus of course and then there was still this very challenging cast to deal with and his own fears.

Justin lay on his stomach enjoying the friction of his morning hard-on pressed against the mattress. He was half-awake, half-dreaming as he felt the bed move up and down. This movement incorporated itself into his dream as Brian pounded him relentlessly into the mattress. He grinded his hips slightly to increase the pressure on his cock and moaned. "Justin, are you okay, will you play with me?" Gus asked as he kneeled on the side of Justin's bed and bounced playfully up and down.

Justin was jarred awake by the question and instantly felt the void of his fantasy, "Sure buddy. Just let me have a minute to wake up and then I'll come downstairs with you. Can you shut my door when you leave?"

Justin turned his head sideways to ensure Gus had left his room before instantly shooting his hand into his pajama pants maneuvering himself on to his back. His night was filled with dreams of Brian and he was sporting a massive erection that had no chance of going away on its own. He eased his hand over his shaft using the pre-cum that had already leaked out to lubricate his movements. He squeezed his balls and slipped his fist up and down, giving a slight clockwise turn with each upstroke. He let his mind wonder back to his dreamlike state where Brian's mouth was on his and his ass was filled with Brian's cock. Lifted his hips slightly and inserting one finger knuckle deep in his ass to simulate the fantasy. As he attempted to breach his opening with a second finger, the manipulations did their job and Justin sprayed come all over his bare chest releasing a husky grunt as he climaxed.

He lay there for a second to recover and wiped himself off before heading to the bathroom. From the hallway he could see the door to Brian and Lindsay's room was ajar and the room empty. Lindsay must be gone already and Brian, well Brian was awake. The realization hit him hard; he was alone, with Brian, and would be for three days. Of course, Gus was home but he had to sleep sometime, right?

Justin contemplated grabbing a quick shower but he needed to see Brian. He brushed his teeth and used soap and water on his chest and cock to get the residual come off before throwing on a pair of jeans and heading downstairs. He left the top of his jeans unbuttoned and purposefully did not wear a shirt or underwear so you could see the trail of blond hair getting progressively darker south of his naval that led to his pubic region. At Emmett's suggestion, Justin has started trimming his pubic hair, which had the desired effect of making his cock look much bigger and hopefully more appealing to Brian to suck at some point in the near future. When he entered the living room Brian was folding the blankets and sheet from his night on the couch.

"Justin" Gus called, "Come color with me".

Brian looked at the boys and groaned. He walked up to Justin and placed his hands on his hips and looked into his eyes, "Hey" he smiled.

"Hey" Justin responded, running the tip of his very pink tongue over the top of his very plump lips before leaning in for a kiss.

Brian pulled away just slightly and whispered, "I want to kiss you but not in front of Gus, ok"

Justin nodded, "Kitchen?"

"Gus, you want some breakfast?" Brian asked turning to walk into the kitchen, "Justin, can you help me with Gus's breakfast?"

Justin beamed, "Sure, I'd love to" as he followed Brian out of Gus's sight.

Brian wrapped his arms tightly around his blond beauty and pulled him close; they kissed just as Brian imagined they would with raw, sexual hunger. The kiss was impossibly strong and as Brian pulled away to take a breath he thought his lips might be bruised. Unsatisfied with just the kiss, Justin ran his hand over Brian's back under his shirt kneading the muscles as he went. "I want you so much. I don't know how much longer I can wait." He whispered nipping his earlobe as he teased his skin with feathery light touches. "I just jerked off and I'm already so fucking hard again; feel my cock. Touch me."

Brian pulled back at the aggressiveness of Justin's tone. He had fantasized about this boy for months and now he was actually going to have sex with a man, and soon, and he didn't feel ready. He knew the mechanics of course, well mostly, since Lindsay never let him take her that way but Justin was a virgin and Brian was not exactly small in the size department. He wasn't confident that he knew how to make it good for him or what to do if things didn't fit like they should.

He was preoccupied with other fears and they ran through his brain like a tsunami. Among Brian's chief concerns were Justin's expectations of him. He had no intention of letting Justin fuck him; he definitely wasn't ready for that and he wasn't sure if Justin expected him to wear condoms. Since he was a virgin and Brian hadn't been with anyone since Lindsay in years. He couldn't drive so if they needed them Justin would have to go get them. The whole thing just seemed very awkward like two virgins having sex rather than just one. So hearing Justin talk so freely and ask for what he wanted so easily gave Brian pause and made him feel inadequate.

Justin felt Brian withdraw as he spoke. His hand stayed planted on Justin's hips even after his request. He wasn't sure what scared Brian off but the man looked terrified all of a sudden. Justin flinched at the rejection thinking maybe Brian had changed his mind about being with him. He placed his lips gently on Brian's to reconnect. Brian puckered his lips offering him just a passing peck, hardly the heat filled kiss they just shared.

Brian turned away from Justin and opened the cabinet pouring cereal into the bowl. "Better get Gus his breakfast." He offered giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek and leaving Justin standing in the kitchen with a raging boner.

Justin didn't know what had just happened but seeing Brian's face morph like that had him concerned. He went from hot to cold in record time and Justin vowed to figure out how to turn Brian's temperature guage back to hot before Gus's bedtime. He couldn't wait any longer for this to happen.

Brian was working on his laptop, foot propped up on three pillows just feeling comfortable when the doorbell rang. Brian looked at Justin, who was clearing Gus's dishes, with a silent request to get the door. "Really?" Justin laughed seeing Brian's desperation to not move.

"Oh, I'm sorry, in my weakened condition; I might take a nasty fall down the stairs and subject myself to further school absences" Brian laughed quoting a line from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Justin just gave Brian a confused stare and headed towards the door. "You're a freak!" he teased.

"I can't believe you haven't seen that movie either" Brian groaned loudly, feeling more aware than ever how young Justin was.

"Hi ya Sunshine" Debbie called from the doorway, "You must be Justin"

Justin recognized Debbie Novotny right away. "Oh course, Debbie" he smiled hugging her, "I've heard so much about you."

"Uh huh" she laughed, "Likewise"

Justin opened the door and Debbie came in. "Hey Baby" she called out to Gus opening her arms wide.

"Grandma!" Gus shrilled in excitement running to her for a big hug.

"Hey mom, I guess you met Justin. What are you doing here?" he asked.

Debbie sized Justin up and down. She never thought Brian would go for a twink but seeing Justin bend over to pick up Gus's crayons that rolled on the floor, she understood. That boy did have a nice backside. "I'm here to pick up my grandson of course" Debbie said.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" Brian exclaimed.

"Gus, go get dressed so you can go with Grandma to the Zoo" Gus's eyes grew wide and he ran up the stairs to his room. Debbie walked into the hallway opened the hall closet and pulled out the child size roller suitcase that said "Gone to Grandma's" on the side. She handed the suitcase to Justin, "Sunshine, could you be a dear and pack Gus's bag for the weekend. Make sure to add a couple sweatshirts, it might get cold"

Justin took the suitcase and headed up to fulfil the request leaving Brian and Debbie temporarily alone.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm taking Gus for some Grandma time and giving you some Daddy time. By the looks of that boy's ass you're gonna need it"

"Debbie, you don't have to…." He started to protest in vain.

"Quiet! I don't want to hear another word about it. Gus doesn't need to be a part of this and sweetie well you need to get laid. Hey, do what you need to do, but whatever is do it so hard and so long that scowl is permanently removed from your face. Do you hear me?"

Brian laughed at Debbie's forthrightness and sighed, "Yes mother".

Debbie reached into her purse and Brian grimaced as she pulled out a freezer size baggie containing condoms, "Now it's been awhile since I've seen it so will regular do or do you need magnum?"

Brian could hear Justin and Gus's footsteps on the stairs. "Just give me a handful" he yelped, reaching in and pulling out about ten square foil packages an assortment of sizes, brands and even flavors shoving them quickly into his pockets.

"Ready Gussy?" Debbie asked as she took the suitcase from Justin who had a huge grin plastered across his face. Gus gave Brian and Justin hugs good bye as Debbie winked and shut the door behind him.

Justin kissed Brian again, taking his current temperature. _Barely lukewarm_. "Alone at last" Justin murmured running his hands along Brian's waistband popping the button open.

Brian sat down on the couch and put his face in his hands. "I'm sorry" he apologized shaking his head. "I'm not sure I can do this"

Justin sat on the couch opposite Brian and watched Brian fidget nervously. Justin scooted a few inches closer until his left knee lightly crazed Brian's right knee and Brian's head popped up and he caught Justin's stare. Justin stroked his hand over his leg. "Brian, I know you want me. I know you want this. Quit letting your head take over" Justin slid to the floor and scooted in between Brian's spread knees so they were at eye level. Justin placed both hands on the outside of Brian's thighs and just rested them there. He didn't want to move too suddenly because Brian was on a very narrow fence and wavering in both directions.

"Don't think too much. Just do what comes instinctively and if you really want to stop, tell me. I promise, I will"

Brian couldn't form the words to answer. He lifted his head in an imperceptible nod and Justin moved in for a kiss. It was just a gentle graze across the lips but it lit him up from the inside out. Brian's brain sifted through a million doubts and words he should be saying and then finally arrived at the one word he could, "more" he whispered.

Justin moved in again this time with more pressure and a swipe of his tongue across Brian's bottom lip asking permission to enter. Brian let his instincts take over and accepted Justin's hot tongue quickly falling into a rhythm that felt completely natural. Justin kneaded Brian's thighs over the thick denim and his lower body warmed as the blood rushed south from his brain.

Brian finally lifted his palm to the back of Justin's neck locking him in place and drawing him in close. Brian felt fully invested now and resolved to just let whatever happens, happen. Justin pulled back enough to yank Brian's shirt up and over his head and without taking his eyes off Brian, he climbed up into his lap, straddling him.

Brian's cock had grown to its full length in a matter of seconds and for the first time Brian felt fully aroused unaided by his own touch and moaned at the sensation. He was more turned on by kissing Justin than he had been in years, maybe his whole life. He didn't care what was happening, he just needed more.

Even though Justin was the virgin he had spent years thinking of his first time. He knew exactly what he wanted and wasn't hesitant about guiding Brian through it. Justin prompted Brian to lie back on the couch still straddling Brian's hips. He could feel Brian's erection against his ass and he pressed down into it as he leaned forward to kiss Brian's neck.

Justin licked lazy circles along his collar bone and placed gentle kisses down the center of Brian's chest. Brian was whimpering below him and thrusting his pelvis upwards into Justin's thigh desperate for more pressure and friction.

Justin took his time. He wanted this experience to be perfect, not only because it was his first but because he wanted Brian to love what he did so much, he had no choice but to keep coming back for more. Justin's mouth finally settled on Brian's nipples, sucking and gently biting the erect nubs.

"Fuck, that feels good" Brian moaned.

Brian's hand reached down to unzip Justin's jeans but Justin shook his head. "Not yet"

Brian groaned in frustration, "Why not? I want this". The feel of Justin's bare skin against him was exhilarating. His back and stomach felt hard and firm, instead of soft like Lindsay and difference made Brian want to come right then and there.

Justin snaked his hand into Brian's jeans already unbuttoned from earlier and walked his fingers until he grasped the throbbing organ leaking with anticipation. Brian felt his cock spasming on the inside and outside and exhaled as Justin jerked his hand a few times "Ahh God! Stop" he ordered seconds from spilling his load, grabbing Justin's wrist firmly to restrict his movement. Brian felt like a teenager himself embarrassed by his lack of control. Justin grinned as he pulsed his hand a few additional times causing Brian to writhe under him. Unable to wait any longer, Justin stood up and dropped his jeans to the ground. Brian froze and took a minute to look at Justin.

He was perfect. His slim frame didn't do justice to the row of muscle hidden just below his soft, pale skin. His cock was long and thick and had a slight curve to it and Brian licked his lips at the sight of it again. He wanted to suck it so badly but it was yet another thing Brian was nervous about trying.

"Well?" Justin asked, impatiently.

Brian looked clueless and Justin smirked at his older lover in amusement, 'Are you going to take those off or do you need some help?" Justin gestured to Brian's jeans.

Brian was self-conscious about what he was doing even though he knew he had a great body. It was time consuming and clumsy to maneuver his jeans free from his cast. With Justin's help he finally cleared the fabric and lay back on the couch with only his cast. He felt so vulnerable as Justin took his turn admiring Brian's body. "You're so fucking hot" Justin exclaimed as he climbed back on the couch and settled between Brian's thighs. He leaned over and kissed along Brian's jawline. "Relax, we can stop if you want to" he reminded him again. Justin sat upright and tucked his erection down snugly against Brian's balls and leaned over him. The sensation was intense as Justin thrust his hips downward in a way that simulated penetration and rubbed against the base of Brian's cock and balls.

Justin sat upright and tucked his spread knees underneath Brian's thighs as far as he could. Brian's hand reached down to wrap around his own cock and Justin's hand met him there as he positioned his cock against Brian's and threaded their fingers together forming a perfect cavity stroking them both as if they were one. They were both oozing from their tips and Justin ran his thumb over both slits pulling down the liquid to coat them as they fucked into their hands. In a few minutes time, Justin felt Brian thrusting much harder and faster into their fist and looked down to see the first ribbon of come to shoot out of Brian's swollen cock-head. He used his free hand to scoop some of the liquid up and rubbed it over the head of his cock pushing him over the edge as he shot onto Brian's chest. Brian never felt as sexual as he did watching and hearing Justin's orgasm. He watched with rapture and the sight alone caused him to grow hard again.

Justin rested his full body weight on Brian's chest until he felt his heart rate return to normal. He felt Brian's hand explore his body more freely now that they were officially lovers and as his hand cupped his ass he felt Brian still inching his finger's closer to his hole.

"Did you have something else in mind?" Justin smirked and Brian's eyes dilated at the possibilities.

Brian bit his lip, "Do you want me to fuck you still?"

Justin nodded, "Yes"

"I don't want to hurt you" Brian whispered and looked at Justin nervously.

"You won't we can go slow and just see. We may not be able to the first try. You'll have to stretch me." Justin was prepared for this step. Thanks to Auntie Em's school for bottoms he thought he at least had a vague idea of what to expect. Step 1 was lube, lots of lube.

Justin climbed off Brian and reached his hand into his jeans pocket pulling out condoms and lube and sitting them both on to the table. "Brian, do you mind if we go up to a bed. I think it might be better than the couch"

Brian laughed, "sure" he smirked, and added "you just want to see me go up these fucking stairs on crutches naked, don't you"

Justin burst out laughing and couldn't stop as Brian's finagled his bare ass up the stairs. As they reached the landing Brian headed to his room out of habit but Justin paused, "Um, can we go to my bed? It's a little weird in yours"

Brian nodded, embarrassed that he hadn't considered Justin wouldn't want to lose his virginity in a bed he shared with his wife. They headed to the guest room and lay on the bed together the momentum from earlier lost and needing to be rebuilt.

Brian cradled Justin in his arms and they massaged each other, exploring sensitive and ticklish spots as they went. They kissed slowly warming back up to each other. Their touch was less urgent than before but the desire just as strong. Brian flipped Justin over on his stomach and kissed the skin over his shoulders and trailed his tongue lower along the ridge of his spine. He had never done this before but he let his mouth be guided by fantasy and instinct as he perched the tip of his tongue along the start of the crevice between Justin's luscious mounds. He really did have a great ass and Brian intended to taste it. He flicked his tongue down the fold and pulled the mounds apart, presenting the tight pink puckered skin. Brian ran his tongue over the hole pulling back to watch the opening expand and contract with each lick. Justin took in a sharp breath at the sensation. Satisfied he had Justin's blessing he applied pressure from the tip of his tongue into the rim. He alternated licking over the hole with the wide flat top of his tongue and jabbing into it with the tip until he felt Justin start to open. He flipped open the lid of the lube and rubbed the slick substance over Justin's hole. He pressed one finger inside and Justin gasped at the pleasure, Brian continued working a second finger in but the tight tunnel was too narrow.

"Use more lube" Justin instructed and Brian complied. The additional lube helped Brian work a second finger in and Brian moved his finger's back and forth searching for the bundle of nerves he knew was supposed to be there.

"Scissor me Brian" Justin commanded, "Open me up"

Brian abandoned his quest to find Justin's prostate and obeyed his young lover's request, moving his two finger apart and together, adding liberal amounts of lube as they went. Justin relaxed into the sensation. Even with just two fingers, he felt impossibly full. He wasn't sure he could handle more but wanted to so badly.

Brian kissed along Justin's back and shoulder's as he worked his opening. Justin wasn't moaning or writhing, he was taking deep breaths almost willing himself into a meditative state.

"Do you want me to stop?" Brian whispered into his ear, leaving wet kisses along the skin of his neck.

"No" Justin responded, "It feels good now. I think I'm ready to try"

Brian felt a rush of adrenaline followed by a sinking feeling when he realized he had no idea how "Um, do you know what position you want to try?" Brian asked hoping Justin had some preference.

Brian withdrew his hand from Justin's ass so he could flip over. "Lay down on your back" he ordered. Justin straddled Brian on the bed and applied a huge handful of lube to Brian's naked cock and his own hole. "Justin, the condom" Brian reminded him knowing the lube on his cock was counterproductive.

"Do you think we can skip the condom? I mean…." Justin started to explain the low likelihood of any diseases between them but Brian stopped him.

"Just this once" he permitted and Justin positioned Brian's cock at his opening and sank down a fraction of an inch at a time until he felt the initial breech. "Oh fuck" Justin cried out feeling impossibly full from just the head. Brian fought his instinct to move his hips upward supporting Justin as he lowered his body at an excruciatingly slow pace.

"Fuck this hurts" Justin cried out as he was about halfway down Brian's nine inches. Brian could see beads of sweat forming on his forehead and Justin's cock was completely flaccid with the pain.

"It's okay" Brian whispered, "We don't have to do this right now"

Justin cringed, "I want to, I just, let's try a new position". He lifted himself off Brian and twisted himself so he was lying with his back pressed against Brian's side and prompted Brian to roll over behind him. Brian understood Justin's plan and rubbed his cock over the still lubricated target but added some more for good measure. Brian kissed along the curve of Justin's neck and pulled his chin back so their lips could meet.

"You ready?" Brian asked gently.

Justin nodded and pushed his ass back against Brian's cock. Brian placed his hand on top of Justin's hip for leverage and pushed forward easily breeching the outer rim stretched from earlier.

"Oh God" Justin let a slow hiss, "Go slow but keep going"

Brian slid into Justin's ass with as much restraint as he could muster. The squeeze was mind-altering. "Fuck this is incredible" Brian muttered as he finally drove his cock home.

Justin relaxed and let Brian take control and it felt better that way. This dynamic; Brian in control, was right for them and he felt Brian gain confidence with each thrust and hearing the sound of Brian's pleasure eased Justin's pain. Before long, Brian completely owned his body and molded it to their mutual pleasure as he drove them over the edge with frantic simultaneous release. They lie still together for a moment and felt each other's hearts pounding as they recovered from the haze of ecstasy until Brian rolled over on his back and Justin flopped around so he could cuddle into him. The look on Brian's face was priceless. Gone was the miserable scowl and in its place was an actual self-satisfied smirk. It was perhaps the sexiest smirk Justin had ever seen.


	11. Chapter 11

Brian hadn't recalled sleeping more soundly than with Justin that afternoon. They dosed off after their third round from pure satisfied exhaustion; Justin's body still resting half on top of his own. His body felt so alive underneath his angelic sleeping lover; as if there was a heightened awareness of every nerve ending, except for his hand, which was deadened by the prolonged weight of Justin's body cutting off his circulation. He moved the dead weight up Justin's back, opening and closing his fist until the pins and needles sensation subsided and feeling was restored. Justin stirred with the movement lifting his head off Brian's chest and tilting upward to look at his face.

"Hey there" Brian smiled, "sorry to wake you".

"Mmm, you can wake me with this anytime" Justin flirted, shifting his hand down to the bulge tenting the sheet.

Brian smiled as Justin grasped him firmly and slid his hand down the shaft. He cupped and manipulated his balls gently and Brian moaned.

Justin went to kiss Brian's neck signaling the official start of round four when a loud grumbling noise interrupted them. Brian looked at Justin in disbelief, "Did that noise really just come from your stomach?" he teased.

Justin blushed slightly and nodded, "sorry, I haven't eaten anything and it's…."he paused to pick up his watch on the nightstand, "Jesus, its 2:00 all ready".

Brian reached for his crutches and sat up in bed, "C'mon, let's get dressed and get something to eat". Justin gave a frown of disappointment until Brian assured him there was plenty of time for additional rounds later.

Justin turned towards the shower in the hall bath but Brian stopped him. "Come with me" he said as he held Justin's hand and led them to the Master bathroom. Justin looked apprehensive at entering what he considered Lindsay and Brian's sanctuary but Brian insisted and Justin understood why. Brian lifted a box of saran wrap using it to wrap his cast in a makeshift waterproof covering and ran the water. The master shower was larger, large enough for two, and when the water was the right temperature he pulled Justin into the warm spray. Justin laughed as Brian left his broken leg dangle outside the shower which meant Justin had to be closest the spray. Brian took the soap and ran his hand over Justin's entire body, cleansing him with slow, purposeful exploration. He washed his own body, regretful that he had to wash away Justin's scent that covered his chest and belly.

Justin moaned at the relaxing manipulations of Brian's hands as he washed him. The sex had been fantastic, better than he dreamed, but this was raging hot and he felt a craving for more. He couldn't wait until Brian had full use of his limbs so they could attempt fucking in the shower. Justin let his mind work over the possibilities.

"Earth to Sunshine" Brian laughed smacking his ass gently, "Hey where'd you go?"

Justin came down from his cloud and rejoined Brian in the shower. "Sorry, I'm just so…, so…" Justin let the sentence trail off unable to find the right adjective to describe his euphoria.

"…Yeah, me too" Brian answered. "But wasn't it painful, I mean, are you sore?" he asked sincerely.

"No, Well at first yes, but then I got used to you and it felt amazing. I can still feel you in me but it's not really painful. What about you?" Justin asked taking the soap and washing duties away from Brian.

"Why would I be sore?" Brian asked unsure of the question.

Justin smirked, "I meant how was it for you? Being with a man, I mean, was it better than with a woman?" Justin felt shy all of a sudden, he didn't know how many women Brian had been with before but he wanted Brian's first time with a man to be just as incredible as his own and for the first time he considered his own inexperience might have detracted from Brian's enjoyment.

"It was different" Brian laughed stating the obvious, "much tighter" he recalled his eyes going dreamy as he recollected the sensation of being inside Justin for the first time.

"But not better?" Justin asked, unable to hide his need for reassurance of his own performance.

Brian looked down at Justin and gave him an astonished look for even feeling the need to ask, running his hands through Justin's blond hair pulling his head lightly back into the spray. He reached for the shampoo and lathered his scalp. "Brian…" Justin pleaded for an answer.

"Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon?" Brian asked casually while scrubbing his scalp.

Justin nodded, uncertain as to how that was relevant to their discussion.

"My parents took us there once. They told me how beautiful it was and showed me pictures of it before we got there and it looked magnificent in all the pictures. Then we got there and I'm looking down into it, taking it in and I just sort of became overwhelmed with the sheer beauty and magnificence of it. I kept thinking so this is what it really looks like. Now, whenever I see a picture of the Grand Canyon it just leaves me completely unimpressed. I just know that it pales in comparison to how exquisite experiencing the real thing was."

Brian looked down at Justin and explained what he was feeling the best way he could, "Being inside you was like seeing the Grand Canyon. It was like finally experiencing the real thing."

Justin's mouth gaped open speechless at the compliment and the adoring look in Brian's eyes. They finished their shower, dressed and headed to the kitchen to raid the fridge.

Justin took out leftovers and heated plates of food for them both. He headed to the family room surprised to find Brian sifting through the DVD collection stored under the television. He was leaning on one crutch, cast extended, balancing precariously on one leg, bending over. Justin laughed at loud of the site of him trying to hold himself in such an odd position. "Can I help you with that?" he offered setting the plates of food down on the table.

"I can't wait to get this fucking cast off" Brian muttered as he hopped his way to the couch.

Justin bent down and looked at the DVD cases sprayed out on the floor, "What were you looking for anyways?"

"You, my young man, need an education in cinema history" Brian joked, swinging his leg back up on the couch and grabbing his plate from the table, "Everyone should see Ferris Bueller's Day Off and its completely unacceptable that you can't quote it verbatim."

Justin smiled to see Brian so excited about, well about anything really. In the months since they met he never had such a prolonged expression of happiness and Justin's body warmed thinking he might be at all contributing to the "new and improved" Brian.

Justin located the movie and held it up along with Dirty Dancing. "You'd rather watch Matthew Broderick over Patrick Swayze? What kind of homosexual are you?" he teased but read Brian's look to mean his initial request was non-negotiable.

"The kind that fucks men! Now put it in you twat." Brian smarted back.

As Justin watched the movie, he snuck glances at Brian whose entire body was involved in his laughter. Brian noticed him watching him instead of the movie so wrapped his arm around Justin, pulling him into his chest. When the movie was over Justin understood why Brian liked it. Justin contemplated that Brian's delight in the high school antics might have more to do with the Ferris and Cameron dynamic reminding him of his and Michael's high school days. Justin could only imagine what antics Michael had pulled Brian into and he could see the "old" Brian lying in bed trying to will himself up to deal with one of Michael's schemes. "So Cameron, when do you get your cast off?" Justin smirked.

"Cameron? I am most definitely not a Cameron! I'm a Ferris for sure." Brian responded almost offended.

"Brian, you are not a Ferris. You don't have a spontaneous bone in your body. You hate your job but you stay there even after they gave that other guy your promotion. You hate this house but you've lived here how long? Until today I don't think I've seen you sustain a smile for longer than thirty minutes and that's only if Gus is around."

Brian opened his mouth to protest and shut it quickly. "Fuck!" Brian screamed. "You're fucking right how the hell did I become a Cameron? I was a Ferris in high school, I swear, I don't know what's happened to me. Just life I guess."

"Life? Brian it's your life. No one makes these decisions for you, you know. If you hate it, take a risk, and change it. I mean look at us. You came out to your family, we're together, and once you and Lindsay sell the house we can be together all the time".

"Whoa Sunshine. What do you mean "we're together" like what, as in boyfriends? Is that what you think?" Brian flinched at the term.

Justin's eyes fell dark and the light left his face; the "oh shit I assumed this more than just a fuck" lesson wasn't covered by Auntie Em and he didn't know how to mask the rejection he was feeling. "Well I just thought….since we, um…." Justin stammered.

Brian kicked himself for not thinking about how this tryst might appear to Justin as more than what it was intended to be. Justin was so aggressive sexually, he underestimated his sensitivity. "Justin, I guess we should have talked about what we wanted before we let this go so far. I hope you understand that I am trying to figure out my life as a gay man. I am also ending a marriage to a woman I deeply care for and my son is going to need undivided attention from both of us. I just don't think I'm ready to get immediately into a new relationship and you, you're still so young…"

"…not too young for you to fuck; just too young to date." Justin finished Brian's conclusion jumping off the couch to pace, "You know what; fuck you Brian"

"Hey, wow, okay" Brian gasped at Justin's poor reaction to what he thought was a kind and sensible explanation. He held onto Justin's wrist and pulled him down on the couch, "Sit down. That is not what I meant"

Justin plopped down next to Brian trying not to look like a sullen child who didn't get his way.

"I like spending time with you and I think you know how much I enjoyed the sex; I don't want to just stop doing either but I think we should keep it more casual than boyfriends. What I was trying to say is you're so young, you shouldn't have to deal with my adult shit like divorce and real estate and custody disputes. You should be going to Babylon and dancing your ass off with hot men, enjoying every moment of your youth. I wish I had done more of that; you have no idea how fast your 20's go"

"Brian you aren't exactly middle-aged" Justin said, "Why don't we go to Babylon tonight? We can both dance our asses off with each other. I won't even care if you want to dance with someone else."

"I can't dance with this cast on" Brian explained, "It wouldn't be any fun."

Justin's face contorted knowing Brian was probably right and he bit his lip while thinking of an alternative solution. He ran upstairs and grabbed Brian's laptop and brought it down to the couch. "Oh my God, this is perfect!" Justin exclaimed, "Tonight's the King of Babylon contest"

"Why is that perfect?" Brian argued.

Justin smiled, "because you can go with me to Babylon and not have to dance. We can just watch the show and you can still have fun."

Brian didn't want to disappoint Justin but he wasn't prepared to make his gay debut quite yet. He hadn't told his friends, some of who might be there, and he didn't want to do it with a teenager on his arm.

"You go" Brian argued, "I'm not sure I'm up to it. You wore me out."

Justin decided to catch this fly with honey instead of vinegar. He scooted into position on the floor between Brian's knees.

"Ah, Justin, what are you doing?" he pushed back against the couch but there was no way to escape the predatory boy's intentions.

"I'm convincing you to go out with me tonight. C'mon Brian, be a Ferris not a Cameron" Justin let his hands roam from Brian's chest down to the waist of his basketball shorts he was wearing. Brian's breath caught when Justin plunged into his shorts and started to roughly stroke his cock. When he felt Brian grow in his hand to his full girth, Justin slipped it out over the waist of his shorts and descended on it greedy for every inch down his waiting throat.

"Oh God" Brian moaned feeling the utter warmth and delighting at the immense pleasure. Brian had been given blow jobs before never this expertly. He fisted the blonde's hair as he watched consumed with the image of his cock disappearing over the perfect pink lips into the warmth of the perfect mouth. It took very little time for Brian to succumb under the intense pleasure and Brian panicked not wanting to come in Justin's mouth without knowing that was okay. He made the mistake with a girl in college once and had gotten the fucking shit slapped out of him.

"Oh God, Justin stop I'm gonna come" he warned which only served to encourage the tenacity that Justin applied to his task, "Shit, Oh fuck, I'm coming, I'm coming" Brian called loudly pulling the back of Justin's head as tight was he could toward him and pumping shamelessly down his throat.

Brian tossed his head back resting it on the back of the sofa, pulling his shorts back over his spent cock. Justin crawled into his lap, straddling his thighs and resting on his knees. "If you come with me tonight, I'll do that again in the backroom."

Brian nodded and mumbled what sounded like "uh huh" really still unable to speak after his powerful orgasm. "Brian while you're being so compliant" Justin whispered while kissing Brian along the clavicle "Before we go out, I really want to fuck you. Will you let me fuck you?"

Justin's request jolted Brian out of his post-orgasmic phase and back to his couch where a very sexy Justin with a very engorged dick sat on his lap asking what for most gay men was probably be a very reasonable request. Brian's fight or flight response failed him and he just stared into Justin's eyes silently.

"I mean if we aren't going to be boyfriends, then well condoms are a given, but I'd like to try, you know, topping without one while I have the chance."

Again a perfectly reasonable request but Brian didn't want to and he couldn't think a single rational argument other than just saying hell no which seemed inadequate for an explanation. Brian bit his lip so hard he thought he might draw blood before he found the right words to turn down Justin's request. He would just explain that he wasn't ready to try that yet and he wasn't sure that was his thing; after all not all gay men like cock up their ass, right? As Brian opened his mouth to answer; Justin put his hand down into his own sweatpants and pulled out his fucking beautiful dick. Brian's mouth watered at the sight of him. _Fuck he is sexy_. When Brian finally heard sounds being formed from his vocal chords the word that came out was "Yes" and before Brian could qualify his permission with a "we can try" Justin was hauling him back up the stairs and Brian couldn't stop laughing at Justin's enthusiasm long enough to protest.


	12. Chapter 12

The realization of what was going to happen hit Brian the second that he was lying face down, naked, on the bed in his guest room feeling Justin's lips caress the back of his neck. He could feel Justin's hot breath on his skin and could appreciate his excitement and anticipation by the short, whispery sounds of his breathless pants near his ear.

Brian had agreed to this in a moment of weakness, his mind fogged by lust and desire, but now it was going to happen unless he said something and said something quickly. Justin's throbbing organ was pressed against his ass which remained clinched tightly closed in protest. Brian watched in slow motion as Justin reached over him for the lube on the nightstand followed by the clicking sound of the tube opening and the gooey liquid squirting into Justin's hand. Brian wondered why his brain wasn't registering the inevitable conclusion of these actions. Why wasn't he reacting before it was too late. Soon there was going to be a cock, a rather large one at that, attempting to fit inside him. _How could he possibly want this to happen?_

This conclusion reached Brian's cock, hard and leaking between the mattress and his pelvis, before his voice could formulate the response. His brain taking in sensory information in disjointed fashion. First cold, wet and cold followed by Justin's voice saying "relax". A single command, a single voice contradicts the natural instinct Brian feels against the cold, wet probing digit seeking access. Then the hiss escapes from seemingly nowhere doing an perfect imitation of Brian's voice. At the initial breech, Brian tries to climb up the mattress away from the violation but the weight of Justin anchors him firmly down. His fist is wrapped tightly into the sheets, his knuckles white, hands cold and clammy, sweat forming along his forehead. Brian's dick is reacting too deflating back to its natural softness seemingly unsure of the appropriate reaction to the pleasurable foreign stimulation combined with deep abiding fear of what is to come.

Justin's voice, "relax, relax" fills the air and Brian meditates on the chant of his lover, willing his body to comply. Then another finger enters him. Finger's curling inside him, stretching and probing. Brian relaxes his upper body and rest against the pillow, releasing his grip on the sheet letting blood flow back to his fists. Then there's a change. Electricity shoots through his body as Justin moves his fingers over the spot again followed by more warm tingling sensations. The pain dissipates and every time Justin moves his hand, more and more sensations flood Brian's body filling him up and warming him through and through. Words finally form in Brian's throat; "Oh God" is all he can say to express the overwhelming pleasure that pulses through him.

"Do you like that?" Justin asks as he curls his fingers repeatedly over Brian's prostate, "Does that feel good?"

Brian can only grunt in response and then a third finger joins the first two and the expansion causing pain for a few thrust and then more toe-curling tingles. "Relax" Justin repeats as the three fingers work over the sensitive bundle of nerves. Brian's dick, convinced that the pleasure outweighs the pain, starts to fill again; the need to meet the thrusts grows stronger with every swipe of Justin's fingers over this pleasure center.

Justin studies Brian's body; he feels the tension release under his hand and sees the grimace relax into a deep longing. Justin suppresses his strongest innermost desire to be inside Brian in order to prepare his nervous lover properly knowing now just how necessary this time is. When Justin is sliding three fingers easily into the virgin hole and Brian is moaning under his touch, Justin knows his time has at last come. He removes his fingers and delights at the faint whimper of protest Brian offers. Justin readies himself, slicking ample amounts of fresh lube over his cock and leaning over Brian's longer, slender frame, positions himself at the well-prepared target.

"Ready?" Justin whispers, impatient for any answer but yes.

"Go slow" Brian request the nerves setting in again.

Justin grips his lover's hips and applies the requisite pressure forward sinking himself into Brian's body. Both men release wanton groans and grunts at the initial union jetting them into a path of desperate release.

Justin feels the impossibly tight grip of Brian's muscles around him, restricting his movement either in or out. The primal need just to move, to thrust, to release is unceremoniously denied. "Brian, fuck, relax" he coaxes him kissing his shoulder.

Brian does his best to follow commands but grows impatient when the burning sensation fails to convert to pleasure quickly enough, "Fuck, get it out" Brian panics and tenses causing the pain to intensify.

Justin soothes him, "It's okay, just relax, it gets better. This is part of it"

"Fuck it hurts" Brian insists, squirming under Justin. Unsure of what else to do, Justin continues placing tender kisses along Brian shoulder, keeping as still as possible inside him, waiting for Brian to adjust and give in to the sensation.

"Bri, it's okay. Just let me move so I can make it better for you. You have to relax" Justin peppers gentle kisses over Brian's back until he feels the mind-altering squeeze around his cock taper off a bit.

"That's good; I'm going to move now, okay?" Justin whispered as he pulled back slightly and thrust forward. "That's good baby, you feel so good"

Justin kept up his reassurance and after a few minutes felt his cock move over Brian's sweet spot. The change in Brian's lust was palpable. Brian relaxed into the movements and pushed back against Justin until they settled into a satisfying rhythm chasing their respective releases.

Several grunts and moans later, Brian finally finds his voice and releases a barrage of encouragement to Justin's satisfaction.

_Oh Fuck Yes_

_Don't Stop_

_Fuck Me_

Justin's climax builds so rapidly he barely gets a warning grunt out, "Fuck, coming, now" he moans as his body expels all evidence of his orgasm deep inside Brian's pulsing tunnel. He permits himself only a brief moment of gratification before he returns his attention back to his quivering unsatisfied lover. Brian grips his cock tightly driving himself to his own release when Justin pulls out and orders him to turn over. Seconds later, the amorous younger man makes use of his skilled tongue, coaxing Brian's orgasm out of him sucking and swallowing around him, all sense of demureness abandoned.

After Justin is convinced he has seen to their mutual pleasure, he rolls over, taking his position next to Brian, anchoring his body to him with intertwining limbs.

They share a look, both speechless and giddy from fulfilled lust. "Holy Shit" Justin finally sighs. "That was fantastic"

Brian looks nervously at Justin. "So did you like it that way better?" he asks timidly praying that Justin would find their initial arrangement still desirable.

Justin looked at Brian and reads the apprehension in his expression. "I like both" he admits confidently, 'I just like being with you. It was amazing both ways. What about you?"

Brian considered his experiences with Justin, "I think I'm definitely a top" he laughed hardily at his own initial freak out. "Not that I didn't eventually enjoy it but I'm not sure I want to do that ever again"

Justin felt a twinge of disappointment but quickly dismissed his own feeling of rejection. Brian had tried it for him; there wasn't any reason to push him if it wasn't his thing. Justin enjoyed being fucked just as much. "Well it's a good thing we aren't boyfriends then" he teased.

Brian looked at him puzzled by the declaration, "why's that?"

"Because it sounds like if I want to fuck again, I will have to look elsewhere"

Brian's face curled into a mischievous smile, "Already thinking about fucking other men, huh?" he teased as he climbed onto Justin and brushed his fingertips over the ticklish spots he had previously uncovered until Justin was trembling and laughing uncontrollably beneath him. His eyes caught Justin's and he threaded his hands with Justin's pushing the back of his hands into the mattress above his head. He held him pinned, hands above his head, staring into his sparkling blue eyes until the intensity settled Justin's laughter and Brian leaned in for a possessive kiss staking his claim on the perfect angel.

The meaning was clear to Justin; there could be no other man while he was with Brian. Not until the man, who spent twenty nine years stranded on an island of self-denial and fear, was at last freed. Until then Justin would be his life raft and there was no room for anyone else but them.

After another hour of playful touches and sensual kissing failed to escalate to yet another round in the exhausted, satiated men, they both rose, showering and dressing for their evening. "Let's go out to dinner before we go to Babylon." Justin suggested. Brian remained unconvinced that Babylon was a good idea but fearing Justin would leave him alone he acquiesced.

Justin was elated to finally be heading to Babylon, a club with a well-known reputation for pulsing music and endorsed debauchery. Even with his cast, Brian looked hot wearing black pants and a black V-neck t-shirt and Justin was certain they would attract attention from the masses. His own blond boy ass coupled with Brian's sexy swagger certainly made for a show-stopping couple. They were quickly escorted to the front of the line and shown in without reservation. Justin gave Brian a definitive, 'I told you I don't need ID" look and Brian smiled back acknowledging the power of the blonde's ass.

This wasn't the first time Brian had been to a gay establishment. He had joined Mikey many times at Woody's for a drink with the boys and had even been to Babylon once after their prom when Mikey insisted they dump their dates. Brian enjoyed the attention that night but mostly he was lost in the music and in being with his best friend. Tonight was different. Tonight he was with Justin, not exactly a date but close enough. He did leave his crutches at home and was already regretting it, his leg throbbing to the pulsating beat of "Let's hear it for the Boy". Brian instantly associated the song to "Footloose" and assumed it was another movie Justin was too young to have seen.

Justin jumped up and down with the beat and looked longingly out at the dance floor.

"Go" Brian ordered, "Have fun, I'll be at the bar"

Justin hesitated for a minute, feeling guilty for dragging Brian out to a club when his fun was so restricted but before he could really consider not going, a muscularly stud pulled him into the crowd and the beat swallowed him whole.

Brian ordered a beer and nursed it surveying the landscape of men with a new eye for the first time. Before Brian would have avoided eye contact for fear of sending an unintentional signal but now, now it was like shopping for a new suit. _So many options._

Brian felt Justin's eyes on him and locked his gaze as he danced with another man. They danced with Justin's back to his well-defined chest and Justin's pale skin sparkled with glitter in comical contrast to the man's golden brown skin. Brian would have been jealous if it wasn't for the complete look of rapture Justin was giving him. Like he was recalling every minute of their day together and moving just for Brian's benefit.

Brian, as fresh meat, also attracted a swell of attention from Babylon's clientele. Drinks, phone numbers and outright carnal invitations filled Brian's time away from his young companion. Brian drank away the nerves and soon began to welcome the attention although he thought it undignified to be constantly on display like prey because he wanted to hunt. Seeing Justin was occupied, he thought he would test out his stud skills on a tall, athletic brunette with smoldering good looks sitting at the other end of the long bar. He maintained the requisite eye contact until the man succumbed to his agenda and approached cautiously into Brian's web.

"Buy you a drink?" Brian asked finding his stride.

The man smiled suggestively, "Why bother, let's just go in the back room and you can finish the fuck your eyes started before I came over here"

Brian was taken aback completely and this feeling of insecurity washed over him. This was not how he wanted this encounter to go, he wanted to be confident and sexy and reaffirmed his need to be the aggressor.

"No thanks" he dismissed the man casually but to Brian's surprise the man seemed unaffected. _Was this just how gay men flirted? It was so different that with women._

Justin watched Brian from afar as the man approached him; he had seen the prolonged eye contact and it left no doubt that Brian was intentional in his actions. Justin returned to Brian at the bar barely containing his jealousy. "Hey" Brian shouted over the music, "Having fun?"

Justin nodded to the dismissed suitor, "It looks like you are too".

Brian shrugged, "I wish I could dance with you, you're really good" Brian grabbed Justin's waist and pulled him in close so his lean body was situated between his thighs. Justin leaned down to kiss him and Brian instantly felt the weight of an audience as their lips met in a fevered kiss. Then Justin's kiss grew possessive and Brian felt instantly self-conscious, afraid that other men might know what a hold Justin had on him what he had been willing to do for him just hours ago. This rush of fear culminated into the conclusion that he would be perceived as weak and under the spell of a young twink. He pushed Justin off gently, making a display of them both.

"What's the matter?" Justin asked with hurt eyes.

"Nothing" Brian responded looking around at the men whose attention they had gathered, "It's just, we're keeping this casual right?"

Justin was offended and furious. "Fucking casual? So that means what exactly? Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?"

Brian shrugged and turned back to his drink. He was not at all interested in engaging in a lover's quarrel in the middle of this club. He hadn't fought with Lindsay in public and he wasn't about to start now. Brian didn't know what he needed but sitting in Babylon, seeing the possibilities before him, he just knew he couldn't fall for Justin. He and Lindsay got too serious, too soon, and his life was completely derailed. He needed to be free to get himself back on track and he wasn't about to let Justin make the same mistake he had. He couldn't risk falling in love with him any more than he could allow Justin to fall for him. "I don't know what to tell you Justin, I told you what this was."

Justin didn't understand what had happened. Brian went from hot to cold again; only this time they were in the middle of kissing when it happened. He left Brian at the bar and returned to the dance floor, pulling a hot guy away from his dance partner just because he could. "You're really hot" the tall, lanky man shouted into Justin's ear with a southern accent, "Are you dancing in the contest?"

Justin watched Brian from the corner of his eye as he spoke to a young, hot, boy in a cut-off shirt at the bar. "You bet your ass I am" Justin smirked. If Brian wanted to be single; Justin would show him exactly what he was missing.

Brian leaned in to kiss the man standing before him at the bar, as if to put an exclamation point on his discussion with Justin. He hated being so heartless but it was for the best. As he kissed the other man he tried to remember his name: _Sean, John, Ron_. Brian didn't care really. It wasn't like kissing Justin at all.

"Brian" a familiar voice rose above the crowd, "What the fuck are you doing?"

Brian pulled his lips away from the kid at the bar and turned to the voice. "Mikey? What are you doing here? I thought you were with David?"

"What am I doing here? What the fuck are you doing here? Why are you kissing that guy?" Mikey was screaming now. The shock and hurt evident and written all over his face.

"I came with Justin. He's dancing" Brian exclaimed before casually raising his drink and adding, "oh, and I'm gay. Cheers!"

To say Mikey did not take the news well would be an understatement. He had a full on queen-out melt down. David got so pissed he just left. Mikey kept repeating, "I can't believe it. I just can't believe it"

Brian was about to suggest that they leave Babylon and talk when the music changed and a frenzy of cat-calls and whistles whipped their attention to the stage.

_He's a cool, blond, scheming trick__  
__You want him so much, you feel sick__  
__The boy can't help it__  
__He really can't help it now_

_Teenage brandos stalk him in the halls__  
__They tease him with cat calls__  
__He's a combination__  
__Tom Cruise, Zack O 'Tool_

_High school, high school confidential__  
__High school, high school confidential_

Brian's mouth gaped open and stared as he watched Justin shake his perfect ass on stage in full view of the enthusiastic crowd. His tease was mesmerizing and every set of eyes was soon watching and every dick was standing at attention. He had looped his fringed shirt behind his head so his perfect twink physique was on display and he moved so confidently that he looked like he had done this a million times. He even lifted himself up and swung around the stripper pole to the delight of the throngs of men.

_What's that man doin' with him?__  
__It's that guy and he's screwin' with him__  
__Can you feel the sex and sweat?__  
__He makes you cream your jeans so you won't forget_

_High school, high school confidential__  
__High school, high school confidential__  
_

Just that line "he's screwin' with him" played itself over and over in Brian's head. Justin was screwing with him, that's all this was and he wouldn't take it too far.

As Justin left the stage he walked straight up to Brian and his new companion. Michael stood near by, his jaw practically on the floor. Justin had won the contest but more important than the fake crown was winning Brian's attention. Those eyes told him everything and Justin knew in that moment he had him and to ensure the message was received loud and clear he walked to the back room with the man Brian had been making out with at the bar leaving him completely gutted.

As Justin rolled the condom on his dick, he thought maybe he was taking it too far but he saw Brian walk in after him, his white cast glowing under the lights. He closed his eyes and fucked this kid against the wall, all the while pretending it was Brian. Confident that this was necessary.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: One warning this chapter contains a forceful sex scene (it is not a rape) if this bothers you please find a new story.

* * *

"What do you mean you aren't leaving?" Debbie cried hitting Brian in the back of the head as she conversed with her son. _This was all Brian's fault._

"Ma, I told you, it just wasn't working out with David" Michael explained. He shifted nervously in the booth at the Liberty Diner. He was sitting next to Brian and they were close, their thighs touching. Michael couldn't stop looking at Brian since he had come out. He really just couldn't believe his perfect fantasy man was actually obtainable. Well obtainable if it wasn't for a certain blonde teenager. Michael scoffed at the thought that Justin was at all responsible for Brian's recent revelation. He refused to believe it was anything other than a coincidence.

Michael grabbed Brian's hand resting on the booth next to him and gave a friendly squeeze. After Justin left with his trick, he quickly ushered Brian to the Liberty Diner. It wasn't easy to convince him to leave Justin behind but once Brian went into the backroom to tell Justin they were leaving; he couldn't get out of there fast enough.

Brian looked down at Mikey's hand in his and hated that Debbie was right. As soon as he had come out to Michael there was an instant fire lit in his friend and it wasn't a friendly fire, it was a target-sighted-heat-seeking-missile kind of fire. First he let David leave without protest, then he started in on Justin leaving him when he was in pain, and now the hand holding that clearly had more than friendly comfort behind it. This entire night was a disaster. He expected Justin to flirt, to dance, to have fun but he didn't expect him to fuck, not someone else, not right in front of him. Brian shivered thinking of Justin fucking that other man. Brian hated to admit that it had hurt him and he never would. He might be gay but that didn't mean he was one of those fags that wore his every emotion on his sleeve or embrace constant drama.

Brian looked up as the bell above the door to the diner chimed signaling a new customer's entry. He forced himself to maintain eye contact as Justin caught his stare, seeking silent permission to join them. Brian committed to the ruse; he was in advertising after all, he could bullshit with the best of them. He would not let Justin know he was bothered in the least by the goings on in the backroom.

"Finished already?" Brian asked coldly as Justin slid into the booth.

Justin recoiled at the question and Brian's tone. He expected Brian to fight for him, claim him in a fit of jealousy. He never anticipated he would just leave without a fight. Brian's eyes were cold and uncaring, a look that Justin hadn't experienced being on the other end of before. "Well he served his purpose" Justin responded nonchalantly. _There that response conveyed exactly the sentiment I want; he meant nothing and if you want casual, I am damn well going to fuck whoever I want_. It wasn't until he felt Brian watch him and saw that look did he think maybe he had pushed it too far. He didn't want casual; he wanted Brian.

Brian huffed and turned his attention back to his problem with Mikey, "You should go with the Doctor to Washington. I'll be fine" he insisted half-heartedly and mainly for Debbie's benefit. The truth was he disliked David and thought Mikey could do better than a controlling, manipulative sugar-daddy.

Michael rubbed Brian's back in soothing circles. "Shh…I'm here for you. I'll come over tomorrow; we can have a boy's night and watch a movie", he reassured Brian looking right at Justin with contempt as he spoke. Debbie rolled her eyes at her son's transparency; she knew this would happen. _Fucking Brian_!

Justin was horrified at Michael's intrusion into their weekend but he wasn't sure Brian even wanted to continue where they had left off. He gave Brian a pleading look which Brian promptly dismissed. Brian weighed his options carefully. On one hand it would be better to not be alone with Justin; Michael would certainly put a cold bucket of water on the undeniable heat he felt whenever he was around Justin. On the other hand, he didn't want to encourage Michael's fantasy any more than necessary. In the end, Brian opted for the self-preservation of preventing Debbie's wrath. He discouraged Mikey for the umpteenth time and took Justin home.

The car ride was unpleasant; silent and awkward. Justin wanted to talk about what happened but Brian clearly wasn't interested. As soon as Justin attempted to break the silence, Brian blasted the radio and sang along discouraging conversation at all. Justin placed his palm on Brian's thigh attempting a subtler reconciliation. Brian didn't respond but he didn't remove his hand either. Justin pushed a little further, walking his fingers into the space between Brian's thighs, squeezing around his flaccid cock he found lying underneath. Brian made no recognition of the gesture.

Justin smiled naughtily; unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned over the console, unzipping Brian's pants. Brian finally concluded safety triumphed over the silent treatment and spoke, 'What are you doing?"

"You look tense. I thought maybe I could help" He smiled licking his lips and massaging the bulge as he spoke.

"Stop Justin" Brian ordered, "Not going to happen"

"C'mon Brian, since when do you turn down getting your dick sucked?"

"Since I'm driving after having a few drinks and I don't have a death wish"

"Sure thing Cameron" Justin teased.

Brian grew irate hearing Justin call him out on his refusal to participate in spontaneous road-head. It made him feel old and insecure. Two things he hated to feel. He felt a strange combination of fury and lust build within him. He wanted to fuck the smirk off this kids face. He needed to take control and show him exactly who he was dealing with. Brian pulled off the road suddenly. It was late, after one in the morning, and the road was largely abandoned. Brian pulled into the parking lot ignoring Justin's protest. He opened the driver's side door and walked to the passenger side. He pulled the shocked youth from the car roughly and pushed him so his upper body was flush against the car holding him pinned by a hand to his back to the hood. He abruptly yanked his pants down exposing his perfect ass, removed a lubed condom from his pocket and entered Justin swiftly before he could protest.

Justin cried out loudly at Brian's sudden intrusion. He said nothing and neither did Brian. His thoughts were filled with questions but he let it happen. Only breathy strings of profanity and animalistic grunts stifled the rhythmic smacking of Brian's skin against his. Justin winced at the rough, uncaring fuck such a contrast from their earlier caring encounters. The pace of Brian's thrusts was punishing and every muscle burned as he climbed his way to orgasm leaving Justin well behind. He put all his anger, all his hurt, all his confusion into this one fuck. It was merciless and frenzied and as Brian finally released all his conflicting emotions into the condom; a wave of calm settled over him. His breath steadied and he removed himself both physically and emotionally from what he had just done and returned without word to the driver's side. Justin pulled up his pants, legs somewhat shaky, and his ass on fire as he gingerly set himself back down into the seat of Brian's jeep.

Brian drove off, returning the music back to full volume and they made the trip home in silence. Justin looked at Brian for some semblance of understanding as to what had just happened. _Was that his punishment? Was letting him take him so forcefully his apology? Was that just how Brian liked it? _Self-doubt and embarrassment seeped into Justin and as Brian pulled into the driveway he tried again to speak. Brian exited the vehicle and headed immediately to his own bed leaving Justin speechless in the entryway.

Brian slept roughly that night without Justin. He tossed and turned, regretful for his earlier action, unable to settle his mind. He wasn't sure what fueled him in the car but he had been overcome with a need. So many years of ignoring his own desires and he just couldn't do it anymore. He wanted Justin in that moment; he wanted to fuck him, exert control back into his life starting with owning this perfect man. Brian refused to psycho-analyze himself any further. As he twisted again, his desire overcame again, he still wanted Justin but this time to hold him and be comforted by him. He didn't know what to expect but followed his desire into the guest room.

Justin was awake still damp from his shower, stroking his cock as he lie in bed when he noticed Brian's shadow in the doorway of his darkened room. Their tryst has been so hurried and had left Justin so desperately aroused and unsatisfied. Brian's rejection had left him to jack off alone and he had never felt lonelier. He smiled knowing Brian had come to him; that he was watching and continued unapologetically. He pulled the cover back to welcome Brian closer to his bed; an invitation quickly accepted. Brian lie next to Justin watching the boy pleasure himself. He looked so sweet touching himself and Brian couldn't resist brushing his hand over the boy's cheek, leaning in for a gentle kiss. Brian reached down, replacing Justin's hand with his own and felt the throbbing organ pulse under his hand. He worked his way lower on Justin's chest, kissing a trail as he descended. Next running his tongue over his hard nipples; pulling them gently between his teeth, eliciting a moan from Justin's throat. Brian caressed him lightly as he continued his steady strokes up and down Justin's cock working his way around his lover slowly. When he finally placed his lips on him, the taste of his arousal spread over his tongue, he moaned around him. The sweetest taste he could imagine dripped from Justin's cock and Brian licked each drop slowly running the full length of his tongue over the sensitive tip. Justin welcomed his lover's attentiveness even more after his earlier slight; he shivered under the sensual maneuvers Brian used to coax his climax from him.

After his climax, Justin relaxed at the perfect way his body conformed to Brian's. Brian relaxed at the contentment that came from finally following his true desires. Then with punishment, apology and forgiveness issued, the men drifted off to a sound sleep curled into each other.

Justin was the first to wake in the morning. He strained to see the clock around Brian's body. Shit! It was almost ten. Lindsay's interview was in just a few minutes.

"Brian, hey, wake up. Lindsay" he shook Brian firmly out of his sleep rubbing the gunk from his eyes.

Brian came quickly out of his dream hearing his wife's name thinking she was here. "What the fuck, where?" he shouted pushing himself away from Justin instinctively.

"No turn on the television" Justin pushed back, irritated by Brian's reaction.

Brian reached around and felt on the nightstand for the remote and switched on the television to the station that was carrying Lindsay's interview. It was just a few minute segment so they waited through a few fluffy spots and commercial breaks before they cut to a reporter sitting across from Melanie and Lindsay at a large news desk. Melanie did most of the talking. She emphasized the importance of the case for gay rights, how the homophobic administration had removed a gifted and talented teacher for supporting a gay student who had been removed from his parent's home.

Lindsay introduced Justin's painting and Justin squealed with delight as a close up was shown. Then the reporter read a statement from the school that "Mrs. Kinney's husband was engaged in a romantic relationship with the student and she was removed due to her support of this immoral relationship".

"Mrs. Peterson-Kinney, do you have any comment on your husband's relationship with Mr. Taylor?" the reporter asked, a slight smile curling up her lips at the successful ambush.

Lindsay stared blankly unprepared for the question. Thankful that Melanie jumped in quickly, "Mrs. Peterson-Kinney in no way knew about, encouraged or attempted to conceal the relationship between her husband and Mr. Taylor. Her only goal was to help a gay student who was callously kicked out of his own home due to his sexuality. Lindsay was unaware that her husband was also gay until well after her dismissal. She was truly an innocent victim. Any attempt to scandalize this woman's loving act is a blatant attempt to undermine our case"

Lindsay nodded and took Melanie's hand for support.

The interview ended and Brian looked at Justin in disbelief. They were both just outed on national television. Brian's coworkers all knew Lindsay from various functions; it would only take one to have seen it. Justin may have been out at school but this was on a whole other level.

Brian sunk down and pulled the blanket over his head. Justin laughed at Brian's dramatics. "If I can handle a bunch of ignorant, snobby teenagers knowing I'm gay in a fucking Catholic high school; you can handle the assholes at Vanguard" Justin instructed as he pulled the blanket down and kissed him.

"How can you be so calm?" Brian asked.

"Because what's done is done…Once your parent's disowned you, there isn't really any reaction that matters from anyone else. You'll see."

As Justin was speaking the phone rang and Brian jumped up to answer it. Grabbing the cordless from the hall, Justin laughed as he heard Brian yell, "Fuck, it's my mother!" from the hallway. He returned to the bed without answering the phone and pulled the blanket up again.

Justin charmed Brian out of bed with the promise of a blow job and the two men once again found themselves sitting together on the couch. Brian with his leg outstretched on the table and Justin's head resting on his chest. Today's 80's movie was Top Gun.

"I should have known I was gay just by this scene alone" Brian laughed as he watched Ice-Man, Maverick and company play volleyball in the sand, flexing muscles and dripping sweat. "Mikey and I used to watch this scene over and over. I thought I liked it because of the volleyball but now I see Tom Cruise in a whole new light"

"Tom Cruise?" Justin asked, "Everyone knows he's not gay. This is an awfully macho movie for a gay boy, I'm surprised Mikey liked it"

"Are you kidding? This movie is practically gay porn. Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer do more eye-fucking in this movie than goes on in Babylon" Brian laughed.

Justin smiled at Brian seeming to become more comfortable with his sexuality and with him. His nationwide outing notwithstanding, he seemed relaxed and content. He reached under Brian's t-shirt and rubbed his hand over his chest while pulling him in for a deep kiss.

"What was that for?" Brian asked.

"Just because you're adorable" Justin flirted.

"Adorable?" Brian sighed annoyed, "I'm not adorable. Choose another word"

Justin climbed up and over Brian's lap so he was straddling him, "Hmmm…okay how about hot!" he whispered as he kissed Brian's neck.

"Ahh…better" Brian moaned.

"What about sexy? Can I call you sexy?" Justin whispered placing his tongue over Brian's Adam's apple and leaving a wet kiss.

Brian sighed, "uh huh"

"How about desirable?" Justin whispered as he nipped at Brian's ear.

"or sultry?" Justin asked as he kissed the other side of his neck.

"or tantalizing?" Justin asked again as he slid down to the floor.

"or tempting?" Justin asked as he unzipped Brian's pants.

"or tasty?" Justin moaned as he swallowed up Brian's perfect cock.

Brian forgot all about Tom Cruise as he watched Justin bob up and down on his cock.

Brian was still writhing under Justin's attentions when the doorbell rang.

*Ding Dong*

"Ignore it" Brian ordered pushing his cock back into Justin's throat. "I'm almost there"

*Ding Dong*

*Ding Dong*

Justin pushed the repeated bell out of his mind and focused on bringing Brian over the edge.

*Ding Dong*

Finally he felt the gush of warm liquid and Brian's hand gripping his head relaxed.

*Ding Dong*

*Ding Dong*

"Brian, I know you're home. You open this door right this minute!"

"Fuck me!" Brian mouthed, pulling his pants up. "It's my mother"


	14. Chapter 14

Justin woke up fumbling for his buzzing cell phone, climbing over Brian's body to reach it on the nightstand. He finally reached it, knocking over the clock, as he pulled it free from the charger. He paused when the caller ID showed a New York number but thinking maybe it was Lindsay, he answered it anyway.

_Hello_

_Hello, Is this Justin Taylor?_

_Yes, who is this?_

_This is Mariah Stevens with Columbia University School of the Arts. I work with a former instructor of yours, James Snyder. _

_Mr. Snyder? He's at Columbia?_

_Yes, he's a professor in our program. The reason for my call Mr. Taylor is I am coordinating a show here at Columbia. The show is called Homosexuality and Faith, its co-sponsored by the University's LGBT center and the school of Art. Mr. Snyder and I spoke and well we would love to invite you to be part of the show. Your work "Face of God" is just perfect. We would love to include it._

_Um, Is this a joke? Are you kidding?_

_No, Mr. Taylor, I'm serious. Your painting is creating quite a buzz. James told me you're quite gifted. I was hoping you may consider applying to the school and taking a tour why you're here as well. _

_Yes, I would love to. Thank you, thank you so much._

_That's wonderful. I will be in touch with details._

Justin did a happy dance while still lying sprawled over Brian's body.

"What was that?" he grumbled, stretching himself awake, smacking Justin's ass to encourage him to move.

"That was Columbia University. They want to show my painting at an upcoming show!" Justin practically shouted he was so excited. "And they want to show me the campus while I'm there. They are practically inviting me to apply."

Brian tried to be happy for Justin. It was great news and so important to his future but he hadn't quite shaken the events of yesterday. Joan Kinney was nothing if not a martyr for Jesus. Brian knew she would be coldly detached since this was her customary style of mothering. He anticipated a stern lecture on sin, hell, and redemption…all of this was par for the course with Saint Joan. He might have even expected the hard slap across his face issued by his mother-in-law or being wished dead by his father-in-law who had joined his mother at the door for his lynching. What he didn't expect and what filled him with unmistakable terror was the threat. The threat that the three of them would make sure that Gus was not subjected to a pervert, a child-molester, like Brian ever again.

Brian felt deep down that Lindsay would never interfere in his ability to see Gus but yet he knew she could be overly dependent on her parent's approval. Their threat combined with the influence they easily exerted over her on other matters gave Brian pause. If he hadn't been so upset he would have gone straight to Debbie's just to hold Gus. When he called hoping his son's voice would reassure him, they were going ice skating and Gus was having so much fun Brian reluctantly agreed to wait until this morning to see him.

Justin's exuberance over his Columbia call was infectious and despite a deep longing to stay in bed and wallow, Brian did eventually get up and join him downstairs.

"Want to watch another movie?" Brian asked as they settled into the couch, playfully making out like teenagers.

"No, I guess I need to pack. Lindsay will be home tonight, right?" Justin sighed regretful that their weekend had come to an end.

Brian shook his head, "Shit, Mikey's not going to Portland. Where are you going to stay?"

Justin shrugged. He had actually already put that together but he figured he would ride the sofa until something else came along or he graduated. He just knew he didn't want to stay with Lindsay after what had happened.

Brian made some phone calls to see about making other arrangements when Debbie showed up with Gus. Justin explained the situation and Debbie smiled, grabbed the phone from Brian's hand, hanging it up as she flipped the lid closed.

"What the ….?" Brian asked censoring himself upon seeing his honorary mother's disapproving look.

"Sunshine can stay with me in Michael's old room. There! Problem solved!" she laughed.

Brian kissed her in thanks and gave Gus a big hug, smiling as he listened all about his fun times at Grandma's. Justin headed up to pack presuming Brian wanted some time alone with his son after yesterday. Brian feeling his son against his chest, squeezing him tightly, started to get teary thinking of how much he needed him in his life.

"What's the matter?" Debbie asked having never seen Brian so sentimental before.

Brian filled Debbie in on his mother and the Peterson's reaction to his being out and his relationship with Justin. All of which infuriated Debbie to no end. She sat and listened patiently to what little Brian wanted to share and then as Justin joined them, she filled him in on the rules of the house.

Debbie gave Brian some privacy so Justin and Brian could say their good-byes encouraging them to load the car while she stayed with Gus.

Outside as they placed Justin's belonging in the back of Deb's station wagon, Brian grabbed Justin by the waist and pulled him close, hugging him. "I hate that you have to leave"

"I know; me too. Thanks for all you did for me. Will I see you anytime soon?"

"I don't know. I'll call you but it might be kind of hard to see each other until things settle down. I need to make sure Lindsay's okay with everything. Not just for her but you know, for Gus. I just can't risk her parents convincing her that I'm somehow bad for Gus" Brian explained.

"I know. I understand" Justin answered, kissing him one last time.

Brian and Justin finished loading up Debbie's car with Justin's belongings.

"Later" Brian whispered, squeezing Justin's hand.

"Later" Justin responded with a warm smile and little wave.

Brian spent the afternoon playing and hanging out with his son. He avoided his email and phone since most were from friends and colleagues seeking to confirm the salacious details of his gay affair with his wife's seventeen year old student. He understood that he couldn't hide forever but he needed to have some time with Gus before Lindsay got home and reality struck again. His time with Justin had been so surreal and reality was going to be a total bitch to get back to.

Lindsay's flight landed twenty minutes ahead of schedule. It figures the one time she wanted to be late; she was early. She wanted to grab Melanie's hand for support but Mel had made it clear. Nothing further could happen until she was no longer her attorney. Besides the very questionable ethics involved, Melanie also secretly thought Lindsay needed some more time to figure out what she wanted. She had never been in a relationship with a bi-sexual woman before, in fact, before Lindsay, she and most of the lesbians she knew thought bisexuality was a myth. Bisexuals were just homosexuals who hadn't fully come out yet. After meeting Lindsay; she wasn't so sure. She did seem to have a real connection with her but the woman clearly loved her husband deeply and was distraught at his being gay and the end of her marriage. Mel didn't think this was an optimal time to pursue the ravishing beauty.

Lindsay's cab pulled into her driveway and to her surprise Brian and Gus came out to greet her. She was so remorseful about what had been said during her interview. Even if it was true and she was very hurt; she never intended for Mel to out Brian and Justin's relationship in that way. She figured Brian would be furious.

Brian kissed Lindsay on her cheek and grabbed her bag from the cabbie before taking his family into their home. They used Gus and his excited recounting of his weekend as permission to delay the talk they both knew was coming. As Lindsay and Brian flanked Gus's small body in his twin bed, sharing Toy Story reading duties for the millionth time. Lindsay reading the parts of Buzz Lightyear and Brian read as Woody committing to the voices that Gus insisted they use every time. Gus looked so content and peaceful and the very real pain he was causing his family hit Brian like a ton of bricks and for the first time he considered how he might just "un-do" everything that had been done.

Gus drifted off to sleep and both parents applied loving kisses to his forehead, turning off the light and shutting the door. Lindsay left first, pausing at the guest room where Justin had been living. She took in the details of the sanitized room. The sheets had been stripped and Justin's belongings were gone but the trash by the door contained small foil packets torn open and large wads of tissue concealing what she assumed to be used condoms. She stared for a minute reflecting on what that meant, seeing evidence of Brian's weekend, evidence that he was in fact gay in every sense of the word now. He caught her staring and pulled her away from the doorway into their room not able to fully address what that rubbish had represented to Lindsay. He laid her on the bed and took off her shoes, rubbing her feet trying to show just how much he cared for her.

They both tapped dance around the issue at first limiting their conversation to facts, logistics, and household matters as they addressed finances, debts, and retirement accounts. Then Brian's voice began to waiver as they discussed Gus in terms of visitation schedules and school vacations. Lindsay probed until he finally told her about their parent's threats and through shocked eyes; she reassured him that she would never allow that to happen. Finally both bolstered by their ability to settle their affairs amicably; they dove deeper. She asked about the trash and he gave her honesty and spared her details. He asked about her about Mel and why she had said what she said. Then without a harsh word or apology, they forgave each other.

Lindsay fell asleep that night, emotionally spent, next to her husband. Both fully clothed, on top of their comforter as Brian's hand rested on her hip and hers on his. It struck Brian then that they would all be okay, just as Debbie predicted.

Justin settled into Debbie's house for wayward gay boys. He had dinner with her and told her about the Columbia offer. It was nice to have a mother figure again even if he was borrowing her from Brian and Mikey. She heaped attention and praise on him and it reminded Justin of his own mother before she knew he was gay. Jennifer used to brag to the ladies at bridge club and bible study about what a talented son she had; now he was queer and his art a source of embarrassment.

Justin turned in early, miserable to be sleeping without Brian, missing the slender, toned frame he could perfectly curl up in. He picked up his phone and exhaled seeing there were no missed calls or texts. He debated on if he should call. It was late and Lindsay was home now. Unable to fight his need to connect however superficially he typed and deleted six different versions of his text before he settled on the words he really wanted to say:

Thinking of you while I touch myself (delete)

My whole body misses you (delete)

Can't stop thinking of you (delete)

I going to miss sleeping next to you tonight (delete)

I miss you so much already (delete)

I think I'm falling in love with you (delete)

**I don't want to keep this casual. I love you.**

Justin hit send and instantly regretted it. It wasn't that he didn't mean what he said but he wasn't confident Brian was prepared to hear him. There were thousands of reasons for them to not be together but he knew he could make Brian happy and that man desperately needed to be happy again.

Brian felt the buzz of his text message delivered to his cell phone. He glanced at the alarm. It was after midnight. He presumed it was either Mikey or Justin and moving slowly to not disturb Lindsay, he slipped off the bed and headed into the bathroom to check his phone.

**I don't want to keep this casual. I love you**.

Brian stared at the message and completely foreign emotions swelled in him. As much as Brian desired Justin, as alive as he felt when they were together, it couldn't happen like this. Justin was so young. Brian's life was such a mess. He wouldn't subject him to his chaos, hold him back, allow him to waste his youth like Brian had. He never wanted to have Justin regret him.

Brian punched out a response to Justin's confession.

**I don't believe in love, love is sacrifice**.

Justin read the message and pulled a pillow over his head completely wrecked. He cried himself to sleep that night, confused and alone. He understood that Brian's version of love to date was sacrifice. He gave up so much of himself for Gus and Lindsay. He didn't know how to respond; so he didn't.

As passing days turned into weeks, Justin avoided Brian hoping he would finally come to him, realize what they had, somehow change his mind. He focused on his art offering to add two additional pieces to the Columbia show. He made plans to go to New York as soon as school let out for winter break, tour the campus, and see the sights. Columbia was paying for the majority of his trip but Debbie got him a job at the diner so he had some spending money and it kept him busy.

Debbie did her best to keep Brian's comings and goings hidden from Justin. Certain that Brian was right to avoid getting involved with Justin until things were settled with Lindsay and the divorce was final. She knew that her family was fragmented; Lindsay avoiding Brian, Brian avoiding Michael, Michael avoiding her because Justin was living there, Justin avoiding Brian. She had enough, Thanksgiving was coming and so she decided it was time to meddle to get everyone back to her dinner table.

Debbie called Lindsay first and invited them for Thanksgiving. She didn't ask if Justin would be there and Debbie didn't volunteer it. Then she called Michael, Emmett and Ted and invited them applying guilt as needed to get what she wanted.

Lindsay hung up with Debbie and told Brian about the invitation. He looked at her twice since he recognized Justin was likely to be there but she shrugged it off. "Do you care if Melanie comes too?" she asked him.

Unlike he and Justin, Melanie and Lindsay were still locked in a will-they-or-won't-they endless flirtation. Brian had witnessed his wife with Mel on a handful of occasions and he knew there was something there. Lindsay just looked happy around her. He was pretty sure it was still in the flirtation stages but he didn't pry.

"Not at all" he answered, if Mel was going to be around Gus, he wanted to get to know her too. Her presence would also detract from Justin's uncomfortableness around Lindsay.

Before Lindsay could pick up the phone to call Mel, her phone rang. She answered it and left the room, a new habit Brian noticed whenever she was talking to Melanie. Then Brian heard the shrill coming from the other room and ran, cast-free finally, to see what had happened.

He listened just to Lindsay's side of the conversation and waited mostly patiently for her to get off the phone and explain.

"We won!" she shrieked, giving Brian a big hug.

"You won, what?" he questioned confused.

"St. James is offering to settle. They offered $400,000" Lindsay was practically shaking.

"Holy Shit!" Brian yelled, pulling Lindsay in for another huge hug, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

They both sat down on the couch staring at each other in disbelief at their unexpected stroke of good fortune. Apparently the interview and subsequent press had caused quite a scandal especially after Mr. Snyder also told his story. The St. James School Board and Archdiocese just wanted the whole thing to go away. Lindsay chuckled as she recalled Melanie describing the larger than expected settlement as go-the-fuck-away-money.

Lindsay looked at Brian and sighed, this was the blessing she had been praying for. It was do-over money for both of them.

"Brian" Lindsay approached cautiously, "We have the house listed for $200,000 and we haven't had any takers. What do you think we can really get for it, I mean free and clear?"

"In this market, we'll be lucky to get $180,000. So after what your parents paid down, closing fees and paying off the note about $100,000 I guess"

"So I know we talked about splitting everything down the middle but I've changed my mind. I want to keep the house; Gus is happy here. I'm happy here. What if we split the settlement and I'll give you $50,000 from my half to buy you out of the house."

Brian eyes grew wide, "Linds, that settlement money is yours. I can't take that"

Lindsay shrugged, "We're still married its community property. You supported me for most of the marriage, paid all the household bills. It's fair to split it. There's one condition though…."

"And what's that?" Brian asked still floored from her offer.

"You have to use at least part of the money to start your own company. You can't keep taking the abuse at Vanguard. You're too good and they don't appreciate you."

Brian considered the offer. $250,000 was more than enough to put down on a small place and start his own ad company. He had a great network and many of his clients would come with him. He agreed easily and felt that feeling again, the one he associated with hope. It was the same feeling he got when he was with Justin.


	15. Chapter 15

Brian stood dumbstruck at the doorway of Debbie's house gripping a pan of green bean casserole. He expected it to be difficult to see Justin but his knees practically buckled as he caught sight of him in the kitchen. The first thing Brian noticed was how he had dressed up for the holiday or perhaps, Brian presumed optimistically, for his benefit since he had done the same. Gone was the cute twink in jeans and jersey-like shirts with random numbers on them and in his place was a dashing, sexy man in a black cashmere sweater and grey slacks. The black sweater perfectly complimented his lean frame and held a striking contrast with his golden, slightly longer and shaggier hair and alabaster skin creating a mesmorizing image.

"Dad" Gus pulled on Brian's shirt trying to get his attention, "Can I go play in Uncle Mikey's room?"

Justin's ears perked up hearing Gus's voice referencing his new room and he turned his attention away from the pumpkin pie he was making noticing Brian's stare for the first time. A forced smile barely concealed his heartbreak as he met Brian's gape.

"What, huh?" Brian asked, shaking his head trying to physically break the psychological pull Justin had on him. "I'm sorry Gus; Justin's staying in Uncle Mikey's room now. You'll have to play down here"

"It's okay" Justin interrupted, "I don't mind. There won't be a lot of room for Gus's toys once everyone gets here"

Brian's heart sank just a little at how comfortable Justin seemed to be around him. Not that he wanted him to be uncomfortable but Brian was practically a blithering mess just being in his proximity so a little reciprocated anxiety might have been nice.

"You got your cast off" Justin pointed out, turning his attention back to his pie and missing Brian's silent nod. Not hearing a response, Justin turned to Brian again.

"Yeah, just last week. Finally!"

"Finally what?" Lindsay asked as she came in from the car, a very uneasy Melanie trailing behind.

Brian smirked seeing Lindsay's lipstick smeared on her face. He knew very well what that look was from. Melanie caught Brian's stare and gave Lindsay a little sign running her finger over her own lips. Lindsay understood immediately and sought out the hall mirror in a flustered panic.

"I was telling Justin I finally got my cast off" he smiled coyly calling to her in the entryway as she corrected her makeup. Brian glanced over at Justin instinctively to see if he caught the lipstick snafu as well. Brian's heart sank lower upon realizing Justin wasn't even attempting to engage with him, not so much as prolonged eye contact once Lindsay had entered the picture. Then to add insult to injury, he bent over to place his pie in the oven giving Brian a full view of the perfectly shaped backside he had been missing so much.

As Justin bent over he took small satisfaction in the barely audible groan that escaped Brian's lips. He knew he could have him with even the slightest provocation. It just didn't make sense to Justin, why was Brian denying what they clearly both felt? Regardless, Justin was determined to not pursue him; if Brian wanted him he was going to have to admit that he believed in love. Still, Justin thought a little push in the right direction; small doses of harmless flirtation and teasing, couldn't hurt.

Debbie greeted her guests and introduced herself to Melanie just as Michael and Emmett walked in. Introductions followed by boisterous chit-chat among her expanded family set Debbie in a jovial mood. She surveyed the dynamics of the room from her perch at the kitchen table peeling potatoes. Melanie and Lindsay were seated together on the couch. Lindsay had taken a seat as far as possible from her soon-to-be ex-husband. The ladies were close, legs making contact. Lindsay sat forward but Melanie relaxed into the couch with her arm resting behind Lindsay's back. She would occasionally move her hand running soothing circles over Lindsay shoulder. As per his normal, Brian had taken the old recliner which had the added advantage of being closest to the end of the couch Justin had already occupied. Michael was sitting on the arm of the recliner, hand resting protectively over Brian's shoulder and coincidentally blocking Brian's view of Justin unless he leaned awkwardly forward. Good-natured Emmett and a newly arrived Ted were seated and chatting privately at the table, not oblivious to the angst but choosing to ignore it. Emmett was cutting vegetables for the salad and Ted was spilling his latest dating disaster with his typical self-effacing humor.

Debbie caught Brian's eye line as he rocked forward to catch a glimpse of Justin who ran his pencil over his sketch pad. Justin peeked up at Gus every few seconds who had finally settled on the floor after being told numerous times he couldn't go upstairs. Of course Justin would be sketching Gus; he had confided in Debbie just how much he missed him since he no longer lived with Brian and Lindsay. Having her fill of the Michael's theatrics trying to physically interfere between the boys, she made a few changes.

"Michael, will you go to the store and get some more ice?" Debbie asked in a tone that really wasn't a request but more of an order. Mikey reluctantly agreed, taking his mom's keys and pulling on his coat and gloves before heading out the door.

As soon as Michael had left, she quickly implemented step two. "Justin, can you please go get the folding table from the spare bedroom?"

Justin hopped up immediately at Deb's request although he was a little puzzled since he had offered to bring it down earlier and was told it wasn't needed.

Justin climbed the stairs to his new bedroom feeling Brian's eyes on him as he ascended. He entered his bedroom and opened the closet. It was chocked full of boxes and various items blocking access to the table. Justin picked up one slightly damaged box to move out of his way and the contents of the box fell immediately through the eviscerated bottom scattering onto the floor.

"Fuck" Justin swore loudly as he bent down to pick up the stacks of photographs that fell out of the box. Justin's eyes were drawn to one picture in particular that he picked up and studied. It was clearly Brian and Michael from their high-school days. Brian looked happy; really happy. Justin smiled at the image thinking how Brian was telling the truth about being a Ferris in high school; he had a boyish-mischievous grin and his eyes looked carefree. For a moment, Justin felt envious of the Michael he saw in the picture; jealous that Mikey knew that version of Brian instead of the cynical, complicated man he was today. Michael's adoration of Brian also shone through in the picture; however, it looked more innocent then. His expression appeared to be a sweet gay boy crushing on his straight best friend. Unlike Michael's look lately whenever he was around; the one that felt possessive and entitled. Justin tucked the picture on a bulletin board in his room and went back to collecting the rest of the mess off the floor.

Debbie set her potatoes to boil and felt Brian pacing the kitchen behind her; his anxiety palpable. _Time for step three_. "Brian, dear, can you go help Justin get the table and chairs? They are pretty buried in that closet".

Debbie couldn't help let a smile escape her lips at Brian's I-know-what-you're-doing expression. Still, he left without protest and as he hurriedly climbed the stairs, Debbie thought she appreciated a "Thanks mom" from Brian's mouth.

Brian stood outside Justin's room and took a few deep breaths. His resolve to let Justin move on from him was fading. He mentally ran down the list of reasons why this was for the best stowing up his confidence before opening the door and entering the space that felt both so familiar and so foreign.

"I see you redecorated" Brian joked both at the clear, intentional removal of Mikey's extensive comic collectables and at the unintentional mess on the floor.

Justin was caught off guard by Brian's presence and made a mental note to kill Debbie later. Her handiwork was all over this set up. "What are you doing here?" Justin asked innocently.

"Waiting for…." Brian started but stopped himself before finishing his full thought. _Waiting for my chance to be alone with you. _"Debbie sent me to help; she was tired of waiting for you to bring the table down"

Justin couldn't help but simper at hearing the nervousness in Brian's voice. He stood up so his chest was inches from Brian and he could feel his breath on his face. "What if that's not the help I want?" Justin flirted, giving an obvious glance to Brian's pants as he spoke.

Brian swallowed hard. _This kid doesn't play fair. _"Well that's the only help I was authorized to provide"

Justin watched Brian wet his lips with his tongue. He mentally reminded himself not to be the aggressor but his body was dangerously close to initiating the kiss he so desperately wanted. He pushed his lips together in a pout giving his lips an unsatisfactory compromise.

"Then I guess you can help me pick this mess up" Justin resigned falling to his knees. For a lingering moment he knelt eye-to-cock with Brian's crotch. Brian cast a glance down at the blonde on his knees before him forbidding himself from grabbing Justin's hair. His mouth went dry and his heart skipped a beat. He felt the rush of blood south as his dick stirred in his pants. Justin met his look and seeing Brian's resolve start to crumble, he turned and fell forward so he was on his hands and knees gathering pictures as he unnecessarily exaggerated his movements for Brian's benefit.

Brian took another deep breath and sunk to the floor helping to gather mementos of his adolescence into the repaired box. Brian stared at a few of the pictures remembering the moments they captured; some fondly, some not-as-much. One picture of Lindsay and him made him reel under the emotional weight it carried. He recognized it as taken during the weekend that they met. Brian's sophomore year of college; he had a new roommate, Billy, that year. Billy was all about the fraternity life and had convinced Brian to join him for this party on Greek Row. Brian had zero interest in fraternities but he remembered wanting to be with Billy. In hindsight, he might have had a crush on him. He was upset as Billy left him to hook up with some Tri-Delt with big tits and way too much make-up. Brian sat on the couch, unsettled by just how irritated he was at being ditched by his friend, when Lindsay plopped down. She had a fight with her roommate Rebecca as well. They bonded over punch spiked with ecstasy and a shared hatred of dorm room life. They ended up sleeping together that night and before Brian realized it, he was her boyfriend. He truly did like her and they got along fantastically so Brian could never articulate a reason to end it. They were like a super-couple around their friends; being the only ones to have dated without dramatic break up's or much public fighting for the duration of undergrad. Then in the fall of Senior year he had the unfortunate experience of discovering what it felt like when a condom broke during use; next thing he knew he was in a delivery room yelling at Lindsay to push.

Brian's eyes watered a bit as he recalled both the high and low that his son's birth had represented. Justin stopped what he was doing to crawl next to Brian. He sat next to him, leaning against the bed silently giving him comfort, waiting to see if he wanted to talk.

When Brian was composed, Justin banged his leg sideways against Brian's. "You okay?" he asked sincerely.

Brian nodded and turned to Justin, "It's hard" he admitted.

Justin nodded flashing a brief wide grin at the obvious joke Brian had just set him up for. His smile dissipated quickly given the seriousness of the moment he offered a sincere, "not as hard as denying what you feel, who you are".

Brian's guard went up at the double meaning behind Justin's words, "I'm not denying what I feel; I'm just doing what's right"

Justin took Brian's hand in his and turned to face him, "Brian, fuck what's right. Don't act like it's a bad thing to let yourself fall in love with me."

While Brian's brain worked over the age-appropriate, mature response to Justin's assertion; his lips didn't wait to act. He captured Justin's mouth and brushed his tongue on his bottom lip seeking permission to enter. Justin collapsed into the lips he had missed so much and they fell back to the heated rhythm months apart hadn't extinguished.

Brian pulled away first, "We better get the table or Debbie will send the cavalry"

"I doubt it; I don't think her motives were exactly pure here"

Justin stood up anyway thinking they would be missed by the group and pulled Brian after him. They stacked pictures on the table and finagled the table and folding chairs from the back of the closet sacrificing a box of Christmas ornaments in the process and headed back to the group.

Michael was home attempting to place the bag of ice in the freezer, "Ma, there's a whole bag of ice in here already" Mikey yelled.

"Oh" Debbie said glancing over the shoulder of her clueless son, "I guess I forgot about it; just go set that outside, will you?"

As Michael stomped towards the door irritated by his unnecessary trip to find a store open on Thanksgiving; he passed Brian and Justin setting up the folding table together. One look at the renewed lust in both their eyes and his mother's plan was revealed. "Brian, can you come outside with me for a second?" Mikey hissed.

"Sure" Brian said hesitantly following Mikey out onto the back porch in the freezing cold.

"Do you have anything to say for yourself?" Mikey fired off angrily.

"No" Brian responded, defensive of his friends accusatory tone.

"You can fuck him at your place, you can fuck him in his gym class, you can fuck him at the zoo" Mikey argued, "but you can't fuck him in my mother's house! In my room!"

Brian's face grew red at Michael's insinuation. "Mikey, first of all who I fuck is none of your god damn business! Second, do you really think I would fuck him with Lindsay and Gus downstairs? Is that what you think of me?"

"I don't know what I think of you. You spent fifteen years lying to me. I don't know who you are anymore"

"Lying to you? Michael, I lied to myself, to my wife…do you have any idea the hell I've been through? Do you know what it's like to go to work every day and hear the snide comments and 'Kinney's a fag' or worse. I've been called a child-molester, a pervert by people I used to consider friends and family. Fuck I was outed on national television. You're still in the closet at work!"

"Why didn't you tell me…" Michael shouted defensive as well now, "You've been avoiding me ever since that twink entered the picture. You think I would be the first person you would come out to."

"I would love to be able to confide in my best friend about all this but let's see, every time I see you; you look at me like you have some claim to me. Like because we're friends and we're both gay that you have some sort of squatter's rights to my dick" Brian sighed before adding, "and don't call Justin a twink. It's disrespectful the way you say it."

Mikey opened his mouth to protest but Brian interrupted him, "Don't deny it Mikey. It's fine. I know how you feel about me. I love you too but just like a brother, that's all. If you want me to confide in you; you have to stop playing the jealous wife around Justin. You're fucking worse than Lindsay and she actually is my wife at least for another week or so"

Michael stood in the cold, gutted by the reality check his friend had dished out. Brian tried to re-enter the house but Mikey grabbed his arm. "Brian, I'll stop playing the jealous wife but will you listen to some friendly advice from a gay man?"

"Sure Mikey?" Brian sighed appeasing his best friend.

"There are a lot of men out there; men your age and at the same point in their lives as you. What you're doing with Justin; it's not fair to either of you. You may be almost thirty but you're a baby when it comes to being gay. Hang with me and the boys, learn the ropes, go to Babylon, and fuck around. You're not ready for a boyfriend and he has this Columbia thing…so suck him, kiss him, jerk him off; Just don't fall in love with him".

Mickey sighed having to be so harsh with Brian. It was hard to watch his friend struggle over this kid. It wasn't that he didn't understand the physical attraction; Justin was pretty hot. Michael felt deep down that his friend's attraction to the blonde vixen was more about re-living his lost youth vicariously through him which wasn't fair to Justin or Brian. Michael had watched Brian's sense of obligation swallow up his twenties; he wasn't about to let Brian lose his thirties to a love-sick teenager.

As Brian walked back into the house and sat down next to Justin at the table he had lost his appetite. Justin felt Brian's temperature gauge go colder than the sub-zero temperature outside and when his hand was rejected on Brian's thigh under the table he gave a frustrated grunt. Debbie surveyed the table and shot her son a dirty look knowing full well he was responsible for Brian's sullen face and Justin's contemptuous glare.

"Well" Debbie started, "You know I'm not going to force you to pray but we should go around the table and say what we're thankful for. Who wants to start?"

"I will" Lindsay offered, "I'm thankful for Melanie and her brilliant legal mind. Thanks to her, Brian and I settled our case against St. James"

The crowd erupted in congratulatory hugs and well-wishes.

"…and I'm thankful that the pricks at St. James caused me to meet all of you fine people" Melanie offered sincerely.

"I'm thankful that Sunshine here came to live with us. He's just a blessing and also that Vic is doing so much better he was able to go visit friends in New York this holiday" Debbie explained, "What about you Gussy?"

"I'm thankful that mommy said I get to stay in my house" Gus offered, "What about you daddy?"

Brian thought for a minute before answering, "I'm thankful that I have the best son a man could ask for and that I get to quit my job on Monday so I can start my own company"

"Emmett?" Debbie said, "what about you hon?"

"I'm thankful for this delicious meal and for good friends" Emmett said looking warmly around the table.

"You stole mine" Ted added laughing.

"Justin" Debbie prompted. Justin looked around, looking at Brian, thinking of all he had experienced this year. His parent's always started Thanksgiving this way and it was never a hard question to answer. But this year with getting kicked out and disowned, falling in love after losing his virginity to a man who clearly didn't reciprocate, being tormented and out at school. So many challenges for just a few short months.

"I'm thankful to all of you who took me in this year" he started looking at Debbie, Michael, Emmett, Brian and Lindsay, "and I'm thankful for Columbia. I can't wait to go to college in New York!" Justin summoned up every bit of feigned enthusiasm he could muster.

"Great" Mikey said ardently before insincerely adding, "…and I'm thankful for good health, now let's eat!"

Just as he carved the first bit of turkey the doorbell rang. Debbie couldn't imagine who it could be since everyone she loved was sitting at the table with her. She opened the door to see a middle-aged blond wringing her hands nervously at the door"

"Can I help you?" Debbie offered wondering if the woman was lost.

"I hope so, I'm looking for my son" she started.

Justin's eyes followed the familiar voice to the door, "Mom?" he jumped up from the table, "What are you doing here?"

"Justin! Oh honey, I'm so sorry and I'm so glad you're okay. I'm leaving daddy; can you ever forgive me?"

Debbie swung the door open to invite the woman in. "Mikey" she called joyfully, "set another place at the table. Our family just got one person larger".


	16. Chapter 16

Justin added the last few articles of clothing to his bag before forcefully pushing an extra pair of tennis shoes inside that stretched the canvas material close to a breaking point. He carefully inched the zipper closed praying the bag wouldn't tear under the strain. He glanced at the clock, it was nearly four in the afternoon, and his mother would be here any minute to take him to the airport.

It had only been two short weeks since Thanksgiving but so much had changed. His mother seemed less uncomfortable with his "lifestyle" as she preferred to call it. Debbie was getting her involved in PFLAG and for a suburban white woman raised in the church; Jennifer was making impressive strides towards true acceptance. She had asked Justin to live with her and his sister in their condo but his mother could only afford a two bedroom and Justin had no desire to give up what little privacy being at Deb's afforded him. After discussing it at length, Justin and Debbie convinced Jennifer that he was fine where he was.

Justin was anxious to get to New York. He was looking forward to the art show, to seeing the Columbia campus and mainly to having a distraction. He had spoken to Brian only once since Thanksgiving. The weekend after, Justin had finally gotten up the nerve to ask Brian to dinner for a proper date. After stammering for few minutes, Brian finally rejected him claiming he was too busy getting moved into his new place and starting his company. It was believable enough except Justin had seen Brian at Babylon with Michael that same weekend. He tried to get close enough to call him on his bullshit but before he could navigate the crowd; Brian had acquired a companion and was dragging him by the belt into the back room. It was the first time Justin has witnessed Brian with another man and it ripped him in two.

On the way to the airport he made small talk with his mother. Justin was only half-listening as she filled him in on the class she was taking in order to get her real estate license. A song playing on the radio captured his thoughts and images of Brian flashed through his brain as he listened to the lyrics.

_love I get so lost, sometimes_  
_days pass and this emptiness fills my heart_  
_when I want to run away_  
_I drive off in my car_  
_but whichever way I go_  
_I come back to the place you are_

_all my instincts, they return_  
_and the grand facade, so soon will burn_  
_without a noise, without my pride_  
_I reach out from the inside_

_in your eyes_  
_the light the heat_  
_in your eyes_  
_I am complete_  
_in your eyes_  
_I see the doorway to a thousand churches_  
_in your eyes_  
_the resolution of all the fruitless searches_  
_in your eyes_  
_I see the light and the heat_  
_in your eyes_  
_oh, I want to be that complete_  
_I want to touch the light_  
_the heat I see in your eyes_

_love, I don't like to see so much pain_  
_so much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away_  
_I get so tired of working so hard for our survival_  
_I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive_

_and all my instincts, they return_  
_and the grand facade, so soon will burn_  
_without a noise, without my pride_  
_I reach out from the inside_

The song hadn't quite ended when Jennifer pulled up to the terminal. Justin grabbed his bag, kissed his mother good-bye and headed to his gate. The lyrics kept passing through his brain, "_I get so tired of working so hard for our survival". _Justin sighed heavily and put his headphones on; he needed a new song to replace the haunting lyrics. He settled on Moby and was bobbing his head and mouthing the lyrics when he felt a shadow standing over him.

"Justin" Brian said smiling down, "What are you doing here?"

"Me?" Justin asked incredulously, "I'm going to New York for my art show. What are you doing here?"

"Oh right, I forgot that was this week" he admitted, "I'm going to New York too. There's an old client I want to convince to come with me to my new company. Do you mind if I sit down?"

Justin moved his bag off the empty seat and gave an awkward smile as Brian sat next to him. "So how is the business going, do you have a name yet?"

"Not yet" Brian admitted, "It has to be creative but nothing has come to me so far. I don't want to just use my name but it needs to be personal"

Justin nodded, "I'm sure you'll come up with something brilliant"

Brian smiled at the flattery and it made him miss his young lover's attention even more, "So you have any evening plans, maybe we can get together and hang out tonight when your show is done?"

Brian knew his invite to hang out may be perceived as a thinly veiled date but he was hoping Justin might be free. Ever since Thanksgiving, Brian had done his very best at following Mikey's advice. He made valiant efforts to avoid falling for the ravishing young man. It had nearly killed him to refuse his dinner invitation. Brian had made evenings at Babylon part of his resistance campaign and in just a few nights of trial and error discovered just how easy it was to pick up a temporary distraction. Still he missed Justin, not just as a lover but as a person. He had still not encountered anyone who made him feel completely at ease in his own skin as Justin had.

Justin considered Brian's offer and wanted so badly to accept it no matter what it entailed. His desire for Brian was all-consuming. But all this constant wavering between hot and cold, it felt like a recipe for repeated heartbreak. It just shouldn't be this difficult, Justin thought. The song he heard earlier ran through his mind as he considered his response.

_but whichever way I go; I come back to the place you are_

Justin didn't want that future. He didn't want constant angst of star-crossed lovers and a constant unearthly pull towards a man who didn't want him back. He wanted a boyfriend who was proud to be gay and proud to be with him. He didn't want someone who didn't know what he wanted, wasn't sure Justin was the one, wasn't sure he even believed in love.

"Brian" Justin finally answered realizing his thoughts had caused an uncomfortable pause and Brian was looking around nervously, "what exactly do you mean by hang out?"

"Huh?" Brian responded confused "I don't know…find a bar or a club, get a few drinks, talk"

"No I mean do you want to hang out as in go on a date? Or hang out as in get a few drinks and fuck? Or hang out as in two single friends on a night on the town?"

Brian wrung his hands nervously as he tried to ignore that part of his brain was screaming option B, option B!

"Shit Justin, I don't know. Why are you making this so difficult? Can't we just get a few drinks and see what happens?"

"No thanks" Justin said and sat back in his chair replacing his headphones dismissively.

"What?" Brian asked dismayed, "Why?"

"I told you before, I don't want casual and I don't want there to be confusion. If you want to fuck, then you have to be willing to date me. It doesn't have to be exclusive, at least not at first, but I'm not interested in being someone's fuck buddy or dirty little secret."

Brian was flabbergasted, "I never thought of you as a dirty little secret"

"Well you sure as hell aren't interested in hanging out with me at home so why are you so interested now that we will be in New York?"

"Fine, never mind" Brian answered with a shrug.

Justin was contemplating making up some reason to move but the boarding announcement saved him and he didn't have to. Brian boarded first and was thankful that he was toward the front of the plane, once Justin passed him to take his seat near the back, there was no reason to have to face him again.

Justin spent the flight reminding himself that he was doing the right thing, no matter how excruciatingly painful it was to reject the man he wanted so much. Justin believed Brian had to work through his hang-ups about being openly gay, about their age difference, about being in love with a man, hell even about being happy before anything real could happen between them. Then it would be their time and it _was_ only time.

Brian sat sulking in the front row of the plane. He hadn't considered Justin might reject his offer to spend time together. He didn't understand why Justin had a need to label it, why not just enjoy whatever was to happen before Justin started his real future in New York. As soon as the short plane trip ended, Brian rushed out to catch a cab and head to his hotel. He checked the address on his palm and noticed a message from Justin sent right after the plane landed. The subject line just said **company name** and the message read:

_How bout Kinnetik? -J_

Brian mulled the name over for less than a minute before deciding that he loved it. He shot Justin a reply message and a second invitation thinking perhaps the message was a request for a do-over.

_Thanks it's perfect. You should let me buy you a drink as a thank you. If you change your mind about hanging out, I'm staying at the Ritz-Carlton Central Park.-B_

Justin checked his phone as he weaved his way to the subway line. He couldn't help but smile about Brian's message. He wasn't quite there but maybe with a little nudge he could finally admit it was a date.

_Glad you like it. It's free of charge. If you get your head out of your ass and decide you want to take me out on the town, I'm staying at the Courtyard, near campus._

Brian read the actual message as well as the one in between the lines. There would be no killing time before college with this man; he was all-in or all-out. Brian's spirit was crushed with the line that Justin had drawn knowing full well it was a line that Brian wouldn't permit himself to cross.

Justin spent the next day busier than he could have imagined. He met with Dr. Snyder and Mariah early in the morning and toured the space where the show was to be held. His stomach fluttered with excitement as he took in his three works that were framed for the show. In addition to Brian's portrait, he had done one of Debbie giving some soup at the diner to a homeless trans-gendered woman that he called "Guardian Angel" and then his sketch of Gus playing at Thanksgiving, which he called, "the Child Magi". It took him the longest to come up with the title for Gus's sketch but Magi was a name for the three wise men and he thought Gus had been pretty wise throughout this whole ordeal, maybe wiser than all the adults in his life. Justin swelled with pride at the early feedback from the show organizers as well as the other artists who had been milling about tending to last-minute details.

"What do you want to charge for them?" Mariah asked, "We need to price them before the show"

Justin cringed, having no way to value what his art was worth, 'What do you recommend?"

"Well for Angel and Magi, we should maybe ask for $100 each if you plan to donate the money or slightly less if you don't. People will always pay a bit more for charity pieces. But for Face of God, considering the attention it's garnered, I'd say higher, maybe even $500."

Justin gasped, "I don't really want to sell Face of God, it's too important to me"

Mariah shook her head, "Well, all the pieces have to be priced. If you don't want to sell it just ask for something unreasonable and say you're not donating the proceeds to charity. That will make sure it doesn't sell" she advised.

Justin nodded in understanding, "How about $2500, would that work?"

Mariah laughed, "Let's do $3000 just to be safe" she added the price to the card and returned them to the curator of the show. "Now let's show you the campus Mr. Taylor"

Brian left his business meeting on a high. His confidence bolstered with the new company name Justin provided and a new suit he bought for the meeting. He managed to meet with three former Vanguard clients and secured new commitments from all of them for Kinnetik. The day was off to a great start. As he hailed a cab, he checked his watch debating on his destination. He instructed the cab driver to take him back to the hotel.

Brian changed his clothes into jeans and a black shirt and flipped through one of the weekly rags called Get Out he had picked up from the sidewalk stand. He perused through several possible places to pick up a distraction for tonight and settled on a club called Therapy near his hotel. He was going to need plenty of sex therapy to stay away from Justin.

Justin's feet ached from walking the Columbia campus and sight-seeing all day but he felt a surge of adrenaline as they reentered the gallery space. He felt incredibly privileged to be shown so much personal attention. He imagined it was on a level similar to that an all-star athlete would receive. He had just managed to change before making it back to the opening of the show. The crowd was mostly students and faculty and Justin felt a little out-of-place. He glanced at his phone nervously several times always hoping to see a text message from Brian and being disappointed by the "no messages" sign.

Brian anxiously watched television in his suite. He sighed at the painfully slow passing of time and fiddled with his laptop surfing the net for nothing in particular. He checked his emails- nothing from Justin. He checked his phone-no message. He checked his email again. He clicked on a link for a gay "dating" site which Brian deduced was just an electronic version of the backroom only you couldn't be sure if the picture was recent or even of the actual person you were talking to. After his third time checking his phone to no avail, he couldn't resist.

_Hope the show is going well- B_

Justin felt chills go up his spine as his phone buzzed in his pocket. He took the phone out and held his breath as he flipped open the lid an clicked the OK button to open the message. He let the breath out slowly considering a response.

_Nice crowd but still kind of lonely- J_

Brian took a look at the message. "_Kind of lonely_", now what the fuck did that mean? If Justin was a girl it would mean get your ass over here. Brian had no idea what it meant from Justin. He typed and deleted a few versions of the response before deciding straight-forward was the best.

_Do you want me to come?-B_

Justin laughed a little to himself still thinking Brian was quite adorably clueless. The door was wide open with that message. He could play it serious and just tell him to come to the show or flirty and take it to a whole new conversation. Justin decided to have a little fun and see what Brian did with it.

_I always want you to come : ) _

Brian laughed out loud at Justin's double entendre and imagined his bright grin staring at his phone as he sent it. _God how he missed that smile. _Despite his better judgment, Brian grabbed his phone, wallet and hotel key and headed to the lobby on his way for a little sunshine.

As he approached the gallery door, Brian's head caught up with him and he managed to regain self-control. He found Justin easily in the crowd and tucked himself behind groups of people trying to stay out his way. He marveled at Justin's confidence as various people approached him about his works. It was the same level of confidence Brian used to have in college; it was the same confidence he had finally found again with the client meetings earlier. Brian closed his eyes envisioning all that Justin could become if he didn't get in his way. He was interrupted by an older man tapping him on the shoulder.

"Well I'd know that face anywhere, you must be God" the man laughed heartily.

"Um, Excuse me?" Brian choked out.

"Young Mr. Taylor's inspiration… You must be Lindsay's ex-husband. I recognized you from your portrait. It's quite remarkable, don't you think? I'm James Snyder. I used to be Justin's teacher."

Brian nodded in recognition, "of course. Hello" he offered shaking the man's hand a noticing a large brown mark on his wrist.

James withdrew his hand quickly pulling his sleeve down, "You'll forgive my unfortunate beauty mark. Kaposi's sarcoma, one of the many horrifying aspects of this god-forsaken disease"

Brian tried hard to temper the overwhelming pity he felt for the man, "I'm sorry" he offered sincerely.

James nodded in recognition, "Justin doesn't know I have progressed to full-blown AIDS. Please don't tell him"

Brian nodded again, "I just came to see his work, and he doesn't know I'm here".

"I just hope when I do get to meet God, he does looks like you" James teased trying to lighten up the conversation.

Brian smiled, unsure of what to say.

"It's clear young Mr. Taylor has fallen quite hard for you and…." James stated, "You'll forgive the bluntness but it's one of the liberties of being a dying man….I can tell you feel the same".

Brian looked at James in dismay, "I care about him" was all Brian would admit to this relative stranger.

"I see" James smirked, "Care, do you? By the looks you keep sneaking at him, I would say you do more than care about him."

Brian shrugged, "It's complicated. I don't want him to sacrifice anything for me. I gave up a lot when I fell in love and it almost killed me."

James looked at Brian with a blank stare, "So if I am to understand. You love him and he loves you? But you won't admit it because you think by loving you, he would be sacrificing himself?"

Brian nodded slowly.

"Well that's about the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. When love is involved, no sacrifice is too great. Besides an artist needs his muse" James warned sternly gesturing to a sullen Justin drowning his sorrows at the bar. James left Brian to his consternation.

Justin started to get nervous when Brian didn't text back. The crowd was thinning out; it was almost nine by now, over forty-five minutes since his last text with Brian. Justin imagined he had pushed Brian too far and the man had gone cold again. He grabbed another drink from the bar and downed it quickly before anyone noticed he was drinking. Just as he set the glass down, Mariah made a beeline for him.

"It sold!" she muttered excitedly "Oh my! It's just incredible"

Justin looked bewildered, "Which one?"

"Face of God of course, I mean, they all sold but $3000! Justin, that was the highest priced piece in the show!" she explained.

"But I didn't want to sell it" Justin worried.

Mariah laughed, "Justin, it's $3000. Draw another one for Christ's sake"

Justin stood there feeling a little giddy from the drinks and the good news. Mariah pushed an envelope into his hand with the check for his work and flitted off to congratulate the other artists.

Brian let James words marinate in his head until he noticed Justin was packing up to leave. He crossed the hard-wood floor and tapped his shoulder.

"Hey" he said.

Justin spun around, smiling at the sexy voice, "Hey, you came after all?"

"Not yet" Brian teased, "but I'm hoping to soon"

Justin stifled a laugh, "Are you now? Well does this mean you've gotten your head out of your ass finally?"

Brian winced a little; he went right for the jugular with this dating thing. "Justin, tell me something"

Justin nodded.

"If we start to…um, date….and you get into Columbia. Then what? I don't want you to give up what I did."

"Jesus Brian, do you always over think things this much. I'm not suggesting we march down the aisle this Christmas in a couple of matching Vera Wang's and unless I really missed something in health class, I don't think we're at risk for any unexpected babies. Can we not just acknowledge that we have feeling for each other and be together? I'm eighteen. That's all I'm looking for. If and when we need to cross the New York Bridge, we will."

Brian's face lit up brightly and Justin blushed. "Okay" he said.

"Okay what?" Justin asked.

"Let's do it" Brian said.

"Say it" Justin laughed.

"Will you..go..out..with..me" Brian said slowly.

"Yes, but can we fuck first?" Justin laughed.

"I thought you'd never ask….." Brian smiled, kissing him passionately and pulling him out the door.

* * *

A/N "In Your Eyes" is the brilliant song by Peter Gabriel.


	17. Chapter 17

Brian blindly fumbled through his pocket for his hotel key unable to break the heated kiss they had been locked in since the elevator opened on the 5th floor. He finally freed the plastic card from his increasingly tight jeans and continued molesting Justin against the door as he slid it into the card reader slot. The card clicked and Brian pushed the door handle down but the door wouldn't open. Brian tried again with the same result and once more before breaking his mouth away from Justin and screaming, "What the fuck is the matter with this?" as Justin attempted to jam his hand down into his pants.

Justin shook his head and pulled Brian's mouth back on his. He would fuck him in the hallway if the door didn't open. His hands roamed over the body he had craved so much and he tugged at the offending fabric. "God, I want you so much" Justin moaned into Brian's ear.

Both men were about to abandon their search for a bed and consummate the overwhelming lust in the hallway when the door clicked open and they stumbled backward, Justin falling on his ass and Brian collapsing on top of him. The loud thud of their bodies hitting the floor was dampened only by the loud scream of the shocked woman standing over them holding an empty ice bucket.

"What the fuck?" Brian yelled, flailing about trying to untangle his limbs from Justin, "What are you doing in my room?"

The woman's shocked expression turned to amusement, "I believe you might be at the wrong room. I've been here since Saturday. This is room 501" she offered with a soft laugh pointing to the plaque on the door.

"I'm in room 501" Brian argued holding his room key out, the number printed on the jacket wrapped around the card.

The woman burst into fits of giggles and looked at Justin and then Brian, "Yes, I'm sure you are in room 501 at the Ritz, dear, however this is the Courtyard. Hey, if you boys need a bed, just give me a minute and I'm happy to trade with you."

Justin threw himself back against the floor partly in embarrassment and partly in overwhelming desperation, "Brian, we're at my hotel" he laughed, "Remember it was closer".

Brian swept Justin off the floor and reached into Justin's pocket for his room key. They wished the good-natured woman a brief but sincere apology as she shut her door behind her. Justin was panting he was laughing so hard but Brian was in no mood to abort their mission and quickly moved to refocus. He pushed Justin roughly against the wall and kissed him hard first to stop the laughter. As he pulled away, he gave him his best I-want-you-now look as he spoke, "I've been thinking about fucking you again for months now. So stop laughing and tell me what room you're in or I'm going to turn you around and fuck you in this hallway"

The intensity Brian fed him sent a shiver up Justin's spine and a flash of the angry hurried fuck they'd shared haunted him. He searched his face for signs of that same anger and confusion and sighed relief finding none. He was just as intense but now it was a look of pure sexual want. It made Justin's dick hard again. This new, confident, Brian was a welcome surprise; he had never been so turned on by the man. "I'm in 618" he offered, holding the stare that held both men connected in the moment.

Brian moved over about 25 feet to his left and bumped his hip against the stairway entrance as he grabbed Justin's hand and led him up the stairs silently.

Justin willingly followed comfortably settling into the more submissive role, letting Brian be his man, his top in every way that word stereotypically designated. As they entered the room, Brian had a playful sexy smirk on his face that Justin couldn't get enough of. Justin kicked his shoes off and started to remove his clothes when Brian stopped him.

"No don't" he growled in his ear, "Let me, let me do everything".

Justin moaned as Brian licked and sucked his neck, continuing to feed his hungry desire, "You're so fucking hot". Brian pulled his mouth from Justin's skin to take in the full sight of his aroused blond. He traced a finger over his lips; pink and full, slightly swollen from the kissing. His blue eyes dilated, darkened to almost a stormy blue color replacing the usual light hue of his baby blues. His pale skin was flushed red over his neck and face, a deep purple mark forming up near his earlobe at the spot Brian found formed goosebumps on Justin's skin when sucked. His whole body was warmed more than normal, heated with anticipation. Brian had never seen any man so ready to be ravaged. His entire body screamed for him to take him and Brian's lips curled up knowing he could fully own this man. He felt no reservations or fears this time. Brian's hang-ups about sex had all vanished; his instincts told him exactly what Justin wanted, what he needed. He would waste no time second guessing, nothing and no one had ever felt more right than taking Justin did at that moment.

Justin trembled under Brian's slow inspection. His mind racing with erotic thoughts and his muscles twitching wanting to grab on to Brian; pull him in and push them quickly to a place they both wanted to go. He clinched his fist instinctively knowing this was Brian's moment. This is the moment where he showed Justin the man he actually was; not the pusillanimous man a lifetime of self-denial and obligation had turned him into. No longer adorable; the man was a total stud; confident in his own skin, aware of just how sexy he was, unashamed to flaunt it and in total fucking control of his life.

Brian sank his fingers under Justin's shirt hem and pulled it free in one fluid motion. He studied the smooth, hairless chest and ran his hands over the hard, erect nipples begging for attention. Bending down he alternately pulled the pink nubs between his teeth biting gently before licking the pain away. Justin held Brian's head in place as he laid his first claim on his eager body.

"Oh fuck that feels good" Justin grunted, fisting Brian's hair.

Brian mentally recalled the layout of his suite. He didn't want to just take Justin to the bed; he wanted him in a new, more adventurous way. A column of the suite, a wet bar, a large shower…so many options to prop this man up against while he fucked his brains out. He unbuttoned Justin's pants and supported him by the waist walking him back against the nearest surface. They bumped up against the wet bar first. It had a waist-height counter, smooth black marble top, slightly cold to the touch. Brian pulled Justin's pants down and lifted him up to the counter. His pants and boxers falling to the floor once his feet were clear of the ground. Justin shivered against the cold surface but Brian quickly remedied this kissing him fully on the mouth, wet and warm. He lifted Justin's legs up to his shoulders and probed his hole with the head of his cock he freed from his pants.

"Fuck me" Justin begged sensing Brian's sudden hesitation. Brian's pause was only long enough to take the time necessary to remove his shirt and prepare himself but it left Justin exposed and hungry to be filled. Brian rocked back on his heels and reaching into his back pocket, retrieved the condom in his wallet. He rolled it on quickly, not wanting to lose momentum, and pushed forward letting his bodies primal instincts take them forward and shutting all his inhibitions off.

As he rocked into Justin, holding his slender hips for leverage, he kept his eyes open and fixed on his lover. Justin's head was tossed back, contorting his bodyline to allow Brian to slide more easily inside him. Justin kept his eyes closed tightly, breathing methodically as he relaxed into the sensation of being impossibly filled. Brian tempered his movements to Justin's reactions, stroking along the sensitive bundle of nerves and relenting when his face changed and his moans became too guttural, holding him at the edge. Brian loved this control, his ability to elicit the beautiful noises of ecstasy flowing from those perfect full lips.

Justin rode wave after wave, ceasing control completely. No longer able to speak in words; only able to grunt, moan and writhe in response. Only once before had Brian taken so much ownership in their lovemaking, just at the car, but this was so different. This fuck wasn't fueled by anger or confusion; it was filled with passion, a selfless desire to please, and it fed the fire between them to scorching new levels.

"Open your eyes" Brian ordered as he found the sweet spot inside Justin again.

Justin honored Brian's request and ran an adoring look up his sweat-filled torso until he met Brian's eyes now darken by lust. "Come for me" he commanded and thrust harder, wrapping his hand over Justin's cock and jerking in time with the movements.

Justin stopped his conscious attempts to hold back and allowed his body to react as instructed. He watched as Brian milked ribbons of come from his cock; spraying onto his chest and belly. Brian ran his hand over the mess, lubricating his movements over Justin's skin, the image combined with the sensation of Justin's pulsations, rocketed Brian in orbit as he convulsed through his own full-body orgasm.

Brian helped Justin off the counter and kissed him fully as they cleaned up and settled back into the bed. They continued gentle stroking and playful kissing while lying in each other's arms. Justin's mind celebrated the new dynamic between them.

"This was perfect" Justin murmured, "except for going to the wrong room, which was embarrassing as hell. What you just did to me that was heaven."

Brian smiled warmly basking in the compliment. He nodded silently.

"I'm sort of afraid to ask where you learned it" Justin teased.

Brian pulled away from Justin reading the insecurity, "I didn't learn it" Brian smiled warmly, "I learned you. I'm just starting to figure out your body, that's all"

Justin shook his head, "No it's more than that" he pushed, "You were different this time".

Brian reached over and grabbed a cigarette. "Yeah, I'm starting to feel like myself again. You should see my place; it's everything I ever wanted. It's so fucking me. I love it."

Justin kissed him and took the shotgun of smoke into his mouth as Brian exhaled, letting the buzz of the nicotine light up his brain, "Well zombie Brian was just as hot as you, but I like real Brian is so much better"

"Zombie Brian?" he laughed, "what the fuck are you talking about?"

"When I first saw you outside the gym, with Mikey, you were one person. You were so sexy, so confident. Michael adored you, everyone that left that gym looked at you twice and you loved it. That was the person I painted, the one I thought was the face of God. That was the man I thought you were" Justin continued, "Then I met happily married suburban father Brian, working ridiculously hard to line someone else's pocket book. It was like all that crap siphoned your brain out of your head. You were a shell, a zombie, it was disturbing."

"I couldn't have been that far gone, you still pursued me after all?"

Justin chortled at the memory of his first proposition, "Well you were kind of adorably lost. We'd be old men if I waited for you to make the first move"

Brian grew serious and kissed Justin firmly, "I was lost before you" he admitted, "I swear the last few months the only time I felt like I had any idea what I was doing was when I was looking into your eyes."

Justin warmed at the sentiment, "Damn, it's like that song I heard" he recalled.

"Song?" Brian asked curiously, "which song?"

"I'm not sure. I heard it on my way to the airport. It's an old song"

"Sing some of it" Brian requested amused.

"I don't remember all the lyrics, but when I heard it I thought of you. It goes something like:_in your eyes, the light the heat, in your eyes, I am complete"_

Brian groaned as he recognized the song and laughed.

"What?" Justin asked growing embarrassed, 'Too lesbianic?"

Brian stopped laughing, "Say Anything?"

"Huh?" Justin asked confused.

"Say Anything" Brian repeated slowly, praying for some sort of recognition in Justin's face.

"What do you want me to say?" Justin asked growing irritated.

"Justin, that song, it's from a very popular 80's movie called Say Anything, John Cusack holds a boombox over his head. Come on, you must have heard of it before."

Justin shook his head, slapping Brian's chest playfully, "Brian I wasn't even born until 1983; why are you always surprised when I haven't seen these movies?" he laughed.

"83? God you make me feel old" he huffed burying his head in the pillow.

Justin pulled the pillow down, "Oh poor baby. Tell me, do you think you can go again or do you need a little more time to recover old man? Maybe we should get you some Viagra so you can keep up with me!"

"Viagra? You little shit!" Brian called rolling Justin on to his stomach and showing him exactly how young and virile he still was.

After round two was completed, Justin suggested they try out the shower and without Brian's cast in their way, round three quickly commenced. As they exited the shower, Brian slipped his clothes back on.

"Are you leaving?" Justin asked trying not to sound too concerned but really dissapointed.

Brian slipped his watch on his wrist checking the time, "It's 11:00 Sunshine" Brian smiled, "You did say you wanted to go out, correct? Do you think that ass of yours will get you in to the New York clubs?"

Justin bounced almost giddy with excitement, "We're going dancing?"

"If you want" Brian smiled at the young man's excitement, "C'mon get dressed" he added picking some clothes out of Justin's bag and tossing them at him. He uncovered a thick blue butt plug in the process and smirked holding it up to him. "This explains a lot"

Justin blushed, "What?"

"Well you were so much easier to fuck this time, I thought maybe it was from, you know, being with other men"

"Fuck you! Are you saying I'm not tight enough?" Justin joked slightly offended at the thought of not be tight enough for his lover.

Brian pulled Justin in close, "That's not what I meant. I just fit perfectly in you now and before it was, well you were a virgin. I thought maybe…."

Justin nibbled at Brian's ear, "You thought maybe I've been whoring around, like you" he teased.

Brian moaned, "You'd have every right to…."

Justin smiled sweetly answering the question he was hinting around, "Brian, you're the only one; the only one that I've let inside me."

"Good" Brian managed to admit, "That's good. I'd like to keep it that way."

Justin nodded in agreement and finished getting ready.

As they headed to Therapy in a cab, Brian had to actively contain his excitement at having a night with Justin. All the attempts at being a carefree single gay man with his friends the last few weeks had gotten him laid, sometimes more than once a night, but it felt nothing like it did when he was with Justin. In his head he knew that it might be short-lived, their time together might have an expiration date, but it didn't matter.

As they exited the cab, there was a line about 50 men deep leading to a blackened-out double door. A large, hairy, burly man in really unflattering leather pants was checking ID's and Brian glanced at Justin nervously. He lifted the back of Justin's shirt up, taking a glance at that perfect bubble packed into tight jeans and smiled, "You got this" he jested, "but when we get home I'm getting you a fake ID"

Justin laughed, "You're too late. I still think my ass is enough but Emmett gave me one already as an early Christmas present".

Brian noticed security moving down the line as he joined Justin at the end of the line. "Watch this" he smiled, flipping Justin around and cupping his ass in full few of security as he kissed the line of his jaw. He left his eyes open, keeping tabs on the security.

The security man watched entranced by the display the two men were putting on and the crowd of drooling men watching their act. As he tapped Justin's shoulder and escorted them to the front of the line letting them in the club, Brian smirked at the success of his brilliant plan. Justin caught the self-satisfied grin of his lover and shouted over the blaring music, "Why are you gloating? It was my ass that got us here".

Brian pulled Justin by the front of his shirt to the dance floor and as he watched him dance he wondered why he had let Mikey talk him into playing the field and fucking around before having a boyfriend. This felt perfect. Besides Justin was the hottest guy in the place and by far the best dancer. Every man either wanted to be Brian or fuck him and the envy was palpable as they grinded together. They danced their asses off, oblivious to their surroundings, taking breaks only to take shots. Between the two of them, they had been cruised by practically every man in the place.

Justin enjoyed every second of watching Brian turn down offer and offer. Some of the men were really hot and he felt just the slightest bit guilty keeping him all too himself. After turning down a particularly enticing offer left Brian a bit flustered, Justin decided it was time to head to the backroom to shore up Brian's resolve. "Come on stud" he said shaking his head and pulling Brian by the belt into the dark, seedy room hidden behind the one way mirror that ran the length of the bar.

Brian let himself be led for a few steps and seeing Justin's intention, quickly pulled him into his chest and kissed him. He turned them around so that when they broke their kiss, Brian was closest to the entry of the backroom. Justin threw his head back and laughed at the lack of subtleness. It seems his top wasn't about to let anyone see him out of the alpha position. Justin didn't mind, he kind of liked it actually and willingly followed. As Brian claimed their corner of the room, he nudged Justin's shoulder to instruct him on his wishes. Justin rolled his eyes at the unnecessary show but sank to his knees obliging him with the blow job he originally intended to give in the first place.

It was nearly closing time when they emerged from the back. One more spin around the dance floor and Brian nudged Justin to the exit. As they left the club, Justin heard a man's voice yelling from behind, "Hey Kinney".

Justin turned first to find the owner of the voice. A nice looking brunette with large biceps in his mid-forties called again from the entry way, waving to get their attention.

"Brian, do you know him?" Justin asked kissing his neck in full view of the man.

Brian swung around, "Kinney, hey, Kinney" the man continued to rush them.

Brian's face changed in recognition, "Eric? Hey, fuck me, isn't anyone straight anymore?" he joked.

Eric's face lit up at the joke, "I guess not. I heard you got the account for your new agency. Congrats man, that's great!"

"Thanks, yeah. Maybe I'll get to work with you again?"

Eric shook his head, "Doubtful, I've moved up now to the VP office. You'll be working with one of my minions. He's good though, straight, but you'll like him anyway very artsy-creative type. Just don't go trying to steal him for um,….I'm sorry what's the name of your new agency?"

"Kinnetik" Justin answered for Brian, mainly to remind him of his presence.

Brian looked at Justin's pained look and immediately felt remorseful. "I'm sorry, Erik Bradford, allow me to introduce Justin Taylor. Erik works at Best Sports, one of the clients I just booked. Erik, Justin is, well um, Justin is my boyfriend"


	18. Chapter 18

As Justin left his hotel about nine the next morning he should have been exhausted but instead he found himself elated from the events of the past twenty-four hours. He earned a hefty fee for his work and garnered much attention from the art faculty at Columbia; his admission was practically guaranteed. Then there was Brian; his boyfriend, his actual publicly declared boyfriend. The label sounded strange to Justin presumably since he had never had one before. He rolled the word around his brain a few times until it felt more real.

The cabbie dropped him off at the entrance to the Ritz and handed him his duffle bag. Justin texted Brian to let him know he was there. The plan was to have breakfast before heading to the airport together so Justin checked the directory and found the hotel restaurant. He spied Brian walk off the elevator and admired the man's strut. He just watched him for a minute before giving a little wave to draw his attention.

"Hey" he smiled as Brian approached.

"Hey, you hungry?" Brian asked.

"Uh huh, starved?" Justin answered, "Do you want to eat here? It's outrageously expensive"

"Don't worry, my treat" Brian added and escorted Justin to the hostess stand.

"Thanks but I made some serious money last night. I can pay for my own." Justin laughed uncomfortably.

"The offer wasn't meant to imply that you were incapable. You said you wanted to date, I like treating when I date, so get used to it" Brian argued, pulling Justin's chair out for him as the hostess escorted them to a table.

Justin laughed, "I'm not a woman, you know?" as he sank into the chair.

Now it was Brian's turn to laugh, "Yes I've been sprayed with your come and sucked your dick; I'm well aware." he said is a hushed whisper.

"Well you've never dated a man before and you still have a straight man attitude about the man paying all the time; we need to adjust your reality because we are both men in this relationship."

_Relationship?_ Brian clinched his fists not ready for that word yet but staying mute on the matter. "I see your point. Tell you what, when we go out, I'll always get breakfast and you can always get lunch, deal?"

"What about dinners?" Justin laughed at the domesticity of pre-determining paying arrangements.

"Whoever last topped gets dinner…." Brian smiled amused at his own suggestion. Justin rolled his eyes knowing full well he wasn't likely to be paying for many meals.

"Fine" he smiled, "you win"

The waitress came and took their order and brought coffee for Brian. Justin watched sipping his milk as he poured six packets of sugar into the small tea-cup size mug.

"Is that really how you take your coffee?" Justin asked. "You never did it that way at home"

Brian smirked, "I think you will find zombie Brian didn't do a lot of things real Brian likes to do. Sugar is a vice; Lindsay would nag me about it so much I stopped drinking coffee the way I like it. Can you believe that?"

Justin nodded, "and now?"

"Now, I've made a commitment to myself. I am only doing what makes me happy with no apologies and no more fucking regrets. The only person I will ever make an exception for is Gus."

"What about me?" Justin asked a little hurt.

"What about you?" Brian said, unsure why Justin had a sullen face, "Being with you makes me happy, Making you happy; makes me happy. So I'd say you're in one of the better positions of my new life philosophy".

Justin lit up with a wide smile, "Making you happy; makes me happy too"

Brian relaxed at how easy it was to just be with Justin; they chatted through breakfast and continued their natural rapport on the way to the airport and while waiting for their plane. Brian took an earlier flight and gave up first class to be able to join Justin on his flight.

As they took their seats, Brian was disappointed that the plane was so much smaller than the flight to New York; way too small to attempt anything remotely adventurous. Justin noticed Brian's crestfallen expression as he stuck his laptop bag into the overhead bin. He laughed at little understanding perfectly what was on the man's mind, "Sorry" he offered simply, "looks like mile high club memberships aren't sold on this flight".

Brian shrugged as he squeezed into the window seat; while Justin took the aisle. Justin rested his hand on Brian's thigh and Brian placed his hand over Justin's but stopped short of lacing their fingers together. Brian initiated a G-rated discussion to keep his mind off of sex for the short flight asking Justin about Columbia and his favorite artists.

Brian sat back and listen to Justin excitedly talk about art and Columbia. He was amazed at the depth and passion Justin had for his craft and genuinely surprised to learn more on the thirty minute plane ride than over the years with Lindsay. The maturity and sophistication Justin showed all but erasing the tiny inkling of doubt Brian had about being with a man so much his junior. Justin was surely no average eighteen year old.

The parted ways in the airport, Brian's arms wrapped tightly around Justin as he offered him a farewell kiss. A few gawking strangers were met with a 'fuck off' expression from both handsome men.

"This weekend was amazing" Justin said planting one last kiss on Brian's lips.

Brian nodded, "Come over to the loft later; I want you to see it"

"I wish I could go with you now; my mom's expecting me for lunch" he pouted.

"I need to pick Gus up anyway. Are you going to tell her about us?" Brian asked "I need to give Linds a head's up before too many people know. The divorce will be final before Christmas. Would you mind if we waited?"

"…even Debbie" Justin added, "She'll be pissed if she thinks I'm lying to her. Plus I don't like the idea of being hidden or going back in the closet".

"Especially do not tell Debbie. She can't keep a secret to save her life" Brian said with a smile, "I'm not trying to hide you. I promise we can come clean to the family at Christmas. It's only two weeks"

Justin reluctantly agreed to not saying anything but refused to lie if asked directly. Brian thought that a reasonable compromise and they parted ways.

The days passed slowly for Justin. He was running out of excuses to tell Debbie where he was going and climbing out of Brian's warm bed every evening to return to his own twin bed at Debbie's was just cruel. Likewise, Brian had more than pushed the limits of believability for popping in to Debbie's and the woman was growing more than suspicious.

Three days before Christmas, Justin was sitting at the table with Vic and Debbie having breakfast when Brian popped over with Gus. "Gus wanted to see Grandma" he offered as they entered the house. A look of confusion on Gus's face more than giving Brian's flimsy lie away.

Debbie gave Vic a little eye roll and offered the boys plates of food. Gus claiming to have eaten at his mom's headed upstairs to play while Brian sat at the table. "OK spill it you two" Debbie commanded.

Brian shared a knowing look with Justin to confirm they agreed not to lie, he took Justin's hand over the table and confirmed what Debbie had already known.

"You are still a married man Brian Kinney and you, Justin, you have been lying to me since, since…..well how long exactly….?

"Just since New York" Justin said, "I'm sorry. We thought it best to wait until the divorce was final"

Debbie nodded, "and you Brian. You're old enough to know better than this."

"Debbie, the divorce is final as of today. That's why I came over; to tell Justin" he confessed, "I just told Lindsay when I picked up Gus. We are going to introduce Gus to the idea of Daddy's boyfriend and Mommy's girlfriend at the same time but Lindsay wants to come out to her parents first. I can't wait to hear that reaction"

"Lindsay's with Melanie still I take it?" she asked.

Brian nodded, "She wants to move in with her but we agreed it's too soon for Gus"

Brian let himself look at Justin for the first time since his announcement. "So you ready to come out again Sunshine? We might as well let this dysfunctional family in on our….._gulp_…..relationship."

Justin leapt into Brian's lap and kissed him passionately in front of Vic and Debbie as a response.

"They're like fucking honeymooners" Debbie laughed.

Justin nibbled on Brian's earlobe as he whispered into his ear, "You've earned yourself an early Christmas present mister".

Brian's eyes arched and for the first time since his and Lindsay's separation he wished it wasn't his time with Gus. His cock stirred under Justin's weight and it didn't help that he was wiggling back and forth on his lap, grinding his ass into the growing bulge.

As Gus came plodding down the stairs, Brian practically jetted Justin off his lap. "Ok that's enough Sunshine" he said in one breath leaving Justin laughing as he tried to conceal his hard-on from Debbie and his son.

"Dad, I'm bored. Can we go somewhere?" Gus whined.

"Gus, don't whine." Brian corrected his son.

"Tell you what Gus" Debbie said, "How would you like to make Grandma's Christmas cookies with her?"

Gus nodded and Debbie looked at Brian and Justin desperate look, "Boys, why don't you leave Gus with me for a few hours and go finish your… shopping. I'm sure there is a large, sparkly gift you need to purchase for your favorite babysitter."

Brian looked torn between Gus and Justin, "I don't want to leave Gus; I don't get to spend that much time with him".

Gus looked at his dad with his bog hazel eyes, "Daddy, I want to stay with Grandma. I can have dinner with you and Justin tonight."

Brian looked both relieved and hurt at his son's nonchalant attitude, "No buddy, it will just be you and me tonight"

Gus looked confused, "But you're supposed to have dinner with your boyfriend cause that's what boyfriends do"

Brian stammered, "Gus, sweetie, who told you Justin was my boyfriend?"

Gus dismissed Brian's question again in favor of stirring the cookie dough Debbie was mixing but Brian persisted until Gus explained shaking his head and taking a taste of dough, "Mommy said that Justin was your friend and Justin's a boy, so he's a boyfriend, right?"

Justin giggled and waited for Brian to come to some semblance of a response to Gus's first grade logic. He made a mental note to buy Gus another present as a thanks for all he was innocently doing to help Brian's coming out process.

Brian stammered again finding himself in new fatherhood territory; he looked at Justin suppressing his amusement and determined he was absolutely no help. At a loss for what to say Brian just exclaimed, "So Justin, do you want to come to dinner with Gus and I?"

Justin nodded and smiled as Gus obliviously went back to making cookies with Debbie. With Gus's clear approval, Justin and Brian gathered their coats and snuck out for some boyfriend time.

They were tearing at each other's clothes by the time they reached the front door of the loft. Justin pushed him inside, eyes dark with lust. Brian didn't protest; he remembered only too well how Justin could play the dominant partner and he was in a mood to be manhandled.

Brian tugged his jacket and tie off quickly, letting them fall to the floor, but when he tried to finish unbuttoning his shirt, Justin slapped his hands away and took over the job. Another rough, quick push and he found himself pressed against the leather couch. Justin's fingers at his belt and fly, reaching inside to grasp Brian's cock and give it a few slow, cruelly teasing strokes.

Brian gasped. Justin laughed "turn around", spitting into his palm, "and hold on".

Brian braced himself against the furniture. He wasn't afraid; he knew he could trust Justin to be in control. He forced himself to relax but it still hurt as he slid inside him. Agony and ecstasy, pounding into him, splitting him open, grinding him down. Justin gripped the back of his neck, holding him down, fucking him slowly until he was adjusted and quickly picking up speed. Moving against him with such force the couch skidded across the floor. Brian was surprised that he loved it, this time he wanted it- and more. He wanted it to go on forever and let oblivion claim him.

Brian's arms started to ache from clinging to the couch, his cock hanging heavy and swollen between his thighs. Needing more contact, desperate to come, Brian reached down and stroked himself, letting himself go. Finally Justin bit down hard on Brian's earlobe and sped up his thrusts, grunting like an animal when he came. He went limp for a few seconds, resting his weight on Brian's back before finally returning to his senses.

He pulled out and removed the condom, leaving Brian speechless still clutching to the couch naked and spent.

"I hope you know that was your Christmas present Sunshine" Brian finally managed to say collapsing onto his bed.

"What?" Justin protested, "You loved it" he teased.

Brian shook his head, "I thought we were coming over here for you to give me _my_ present"

"Oh yeah, that's right" Justin sighed as he moved down to take Brian's soft dick in his mouth. Before he could really get going a knock at the door interrupted them. Brian reluctantly left Justin to check on the door.

As he slid the door open just enough to see who it was, he cringed upon seeing Lindsay's face simply because of the awkwardness of it but let it go quickly upon reading her pained face. "Lindsay? What's wrong?"

He left the door open and grabbed a pair of pants to slip on. Lindsay came into the loft and burst into tears unable to get any words out to explain either her unexpected appearance or her crying fit. Brian's still guilty mind settled into the first plausible reasons for her distraught presence; Justin or Gus and he began a guessing game with Lindsay.

"Lindsay, tell me what the fuck is the matter. Are you upset Justin's here?"

Lindsay shook her head no.

"Is something the matter with Gus?"

"No…wait…you….have…Gus" Lindsay said between hyper vented breaths.

Brian explained Gus's whereabouts and grew tired of Lindsay's theatrics. "Lindsay just spill it already"

"My… parents ….hate…. me!" she finally cried, "They said I wasn't welcome anymore in their home because I'm gay"

Brian hugged his ex-wife and comforted her best he could listening to her ramblings about her parents rejection, "Lindsay, calm down. It's okay. Listen to me; are you listening?"

Lindsay nodded and tried to calm herself.

"You don't need them. You have me and Gus." Brian explained before adding, "…and Melanie" as an afterthought.

Lindsay shook her head, "I know".

"Now, you need to go home, take a bath, get dressed up, call your girlfriend and do whatever lesbians do when lesbians need to blow off some steam" Brian said as he coaxed her out the door. "Then tomorrow you and Melanie can come over for a late breakfast with Gus, Justin and me and we are going to make this little dysfunctional gay family of ours work because we need to show Gus how proud we are to be his parents and to be who we are regardless of what homophobic assholes think of us."

Lindsay smiled at Brian's rant, "You know, I think I like you better as my ex-husband" she joked.

He smiled catching the true meaning behind her words, "Yeah, I like me better as your ex-husband too."

Lindsay nodded and shouted a good-bye to Justin.

"Hey Lindsay" Brian called after her.

She turned to look at him, "I love you, you know. You'll always be family to me."

Lindsay put her hand to her heart, "I know love. Me too."

By the time Christmas day arrived, the official announcement to the family was highly anti-climactic. Debbie had seen to that and besides Michael's brooding; everyone welcomed Melanie and Justin as part of the new family dynamic.

They had finished opening presents and having their traditional Christmas lunch when there was a knock at the door.

Justin sprang up to answer it expecting his mother and sister but was surprised to find an older gentleman instead.

"Hello, can I help you?" he asked.

"I'm looking for Justin Taylor" the man explained, "I'm Rodney, my partner James Snyder, asked me to come deliver this" he added holding up a large package.

"Mr. Snyder?" Justin confirmed surprised but opening the door to usher the man in, "Is he all right?"

Rodney took off his hat and gloves and stomped his snow covered boots on the welcome mat. "I'm afraid James is in hospice. I brought him home to Pittsburgh last week. He doesn't have much longer"

Justin's eyes welled up at the thought of his favorite teacher succumbing to his illness. "I'm so sorry to hear that" he said, "Won't you sit down"

Upon hearing the news, the family quieted down and let Rodney explain his visit.

"James liked to collect works of unknown artists. He always joked that he was going to pay for his retirement by owning the first public offering of the next Picasso or Warhol" Rodney explained, "He bought this in New York"

Justin took the package and opened it; it was his Face of God painting. "Mr. Snyder bought this; for $3000?"

Rodney nodded yes, "He insisted I return it to you. He knew you didn't want to sell it"

"But why? I mean, why did he buy it in the first place"

Rodney continued, "For a few reasons. First, because he speaks very highly of your talent and he selfishly wanted to claim your first offering for his collection. Second, because he knew the high price would garner you the attention of the Columbia faculty and he wanted to make sure you would study there"

Justin was dumbstruck, "Why Columbia?"

"That was James. He always thinks he knows what's best. Says you belong at the center of the art world. That you're going to make a big splash. He made me promise that you would get in; with a full scholarship if you want it"

"Full Scholarship?" Justin repeated in disbelief.

"How can you promise that?" Debbie interrupted, not wanting Justin to get his hopes up.

Rodney smiled, "I'm sorry I should have explained. I'm the Dean."

Justin's eyes searched out Brian in the crowd of kisses and hugs being bestowed on him. He finally found him in the corner, staring at the painting of himself.

Justin pushed his way to Brian, grabbing on to him tightly and kissing him, relieved not to find coldness. "I can stay. I applied to PIFA"

Brian shook his head, "No Justin, we agreed. No sacrificing."

Brian wrapped his arms tightly around him and rested his chin on the top of his blonde hair. A heavy ache in his chest reminded him of why he stayed away so long in the first place. This was the feeling he hoped to avoid. Losing the man he loved was beyond comprehension.

Justin pulled back and looked at Brian, the Christmas lights reflecting on his skin. He looked ethereal. "Brian we agreed no sacrificing. What if I love you? What if I won't sacrifice you?"

Brian felt a weight lift just a little, "What do you mean _if_ you love me?" he teased.

"I do. I love you. I don't want to let you go."

Brian kissed him again for his honesty, "I love you too Justin; don't worry, we'll figure it out"

* * *

A/N This is the last official chapter in the story. I will post an epilogue to wrap it all up and put a nice bow on it for you. Hope you enjoyed!


	19. Epilogue

**_4 and a half years later..._**

"Is this the last box?" Brian asked, drenched with sweat and irritated that Justin hadn't just let him pay for movers this time.

Justin laughed, "Not exactly, I have two boxes full of DVD's with just about every movie made from 1977 to 1990".

Brian moaned, "You kept them all? Where do you think they are going to fit in my loft?"

"Uh, don't you mean _our_ loft?"

"Fine, where are they going to go in _our_ loft? Your apartment is like 450 sq ft, how in the world did you accumulate this much stuff during college?" Brian asked bewildered.

"Brian, you sent me the god-damn movies. Practically every month, a new John Hughes romantic comedy or Steven Spielberg directed action movie showed up with your care packages of condoms and junk food. Do you know how many condoms I threw out getting ready to move?"

Brian laughed amusedly at Justin's rant. It was true; the movie bit had kind of been their thing while Justin was away at college. Brian would buy them and sneak quotes into their conversation to test if he had watched him.

"You were supposed to use the condoms, Sunshine!" Brian lectured.

"Brian, I could fuck three men a night and not have used all the condoms you sent me. Hell I even kept the entire dorm stocked freshman year. I just put a bowl in the men's room and told everyone to help themselves".

"Well, I hope you used at least some of them yourself" Brian asked knowing full well that he had. He and Justin agreed to not be monogamous during the long time between his school break visits home and his occasional weekend trips but they never really discussed their activities. The only rules were no bottoming for anyone else, no overnights and no kissing on the lips. Brian found it more than easy to comply and rarely indulged.

Brian lifted the last remaining box to load into the U-Haul before Justin locked the door to his tiny studio apartment and dropped his keys off at the landlords. As they settled into the truck, Brian stared at his partner, amazed at the fact that he was finally coming home with him for good.

"I can't believe it's over" Justin sighed "It went so fast"

Brian smirked, "Speak for yourself".

To Brian, Justin's four years at college had been tremendously difficult. He kept himself busy building his company and spending time with Gus, but man could only live on phone sex and weekend visits for so long. Michael had turned out to be a big help; keeping him entertained and not letting him get to lesbianic pining away for his lover.

To Justin, the decision to leave was the hardest part. He did end up getting accepted to PIFA and it would have been easy to just stay in Pittsburgh but in the end, Columbia was a better fit and tuition was covered, the deal was just too good to turn down. Brian had been adamant they could make it work and once they settled into a rhythm of visits and chat sessions, it seemed that it would, Justin relaxed about it and thoroughly enjoyed his undergraduate studies.

They only had two major fights in their years apart. The first when Brian refused to attend Justin's high school prom and the second, two years later when Brian had cancelled their Spring Break snowboarding trip to Vermont to attend to a work obligation. Justin got over the prom easily enough; he hadn't really wanted to go that much anyway. Most of the kids at his high school had never accepted he was gay and High school was not a happy time. The missed Vermont trip hurt more. It was the first and last time Justin doubted they could make it work. Brian more the made up for the missed trip with tickets to Italy that Summer to celebrate Kinnetik's record profits and Justin's making the Dean's list.

As they drove, Brian filled Justin in on the latest happenings with Gus and his mom. Lindsay and Melanie had a commitment ceremony last Christmas on their fourth anniversary. Shortly after they decided to have another baby; using Michael as a donor when Brian declined. Mel was having a challenging pregnancy and as concerned as he was for her well-being Brian was relieved she was distracted enough that he had a reprieve from her constant interference when it came to Gus.

Justin, in turn, updated Brian on his job search after his numerous declines of Brian's offer for a job at Kinnetik. Justin did spend his four years wisely, making connections, internships and volunteering at various galleries. He had a few leads for positions that would allow him to continue to paint and try to make enough to be a not-so-starving artist.

"It's getting late" Justin mentioned as his stomach growled.

Brian laughed, interpreting the comments as a "Let's eat". Brian was amazed at how Justin could eat whatever he wanted and stay so trim. Brian, at nearly thirty five, spent a lot of time working out and watching his carb intake. It was difficult to watch Justin scarf down a cheeseburger and fries and not gain an ounce.

As they finished their meal, the waitress brought the check. Brian grabbed for it but Justin stopped him.

"Aaugh! I don't think so" Justin yanked the black leather folder containing the check from Brian's hand, "Remember our deal".

Brian rolled his eyes at how strictly Justin stuck to their "who pays" arrangement but let the folder go knowing it was pointless to argue. The ratio of dinner checks was quite unbalanced with Justin picking up perhaps 1 check for every 50 that Brian did, but those one off times were important to him so Brian never kept up a protest long.

Justin paid the check and they went on their way. It was late by the time they made it back to their loft. They hauled Justin's stuff into the elevator and methodically worked the cardboard containers up to the loft in an assembly line fashion. When the truck was unloaded Justin threw himself exhausted back on the bed and rolled around.

"I'm so happy I get to sleep in this bed every night, it is so much more comfortable than that dinosaur Murphy bed in my apartment" Justin exclaimed.

Brian watched enchanted by Justin's glee as he rolled around like a child on the king-size plush mattress, "Well hopefully, you're just as excited about the company as the mattress"

Brian kneeled on the bed and fell forward so he was lying on top of Justin. He stroked his hair and ran some sweat soaked stands through his fingers. "Are you really finally here to stay?" he asked still unable to believe he was here for good.

Justin nodded and kissed him gently, "You know that I am" he murmured.

Brian kissed along his jaw and neck, tasting the salty sweat from their move.

Justin moaned and looked at the landscape of boxes covering the floor of the loft, "Mmm, that feels good but I should unpack" he asserted before moving his neck so Brian could have better access completely contradicting his own words.

Brian took the invitation and undressed quickly, urging Justin to do the same. His head lolling back against the mattress, Justin breathed deep and looked down at Brian's body. Hazel eyes coupled with a sexy smile, broad shoulders tapering down into well-muscled abs and powerful thighs, a thick, meaty cock rising to meet Justin's own greedy lips. Salty pre-come burst onto Justin's tongue as Brian let loose with a full-throated growl, grabbing him by the back of the head to thrust all the way in. Orgasm crashed over Brian like a runaway train, wrecking and unraveling him.

Justin lifted his head smiling, "Guess I don't have to ask if you liked that"

"That, that was pretty fucking amazing. So now that we're living together, I guess you will still blow me?"

"Of course, I have to prove I was worth the wait"

"Well, I'm pretty fucking convinced already" Brian stated as he kissed his clavicle working his way down Justin's body to return the favor.

Justin fell asleep shortly after coming, totally exhausted from his move and their lovemaking. He slept curled inside Brian's arms, his true home regardless of where he lived the last few years.

When he woke up the next morning he was alone. Climbing out of bed and plodding to the kitchen for some coffee. He found Brian's note informing him that he had to pick Gus up from swim practice and that he was bringing home breakfast. Justin laughed as he wiped up the sugar granules that Brian had spilled on the counter, still amused by the ridiculous amount of sugar the man took in his coffee.

Just as he was settled onto the couch with the paper and coffee, Brian returned with Gus.

"Go take a shower buddy" Brian called, handing him his swim bag, there are some clean clothes of yours in the closet. I cleaned out the drawers for Justin's things.

Gus nodded, nearly eleven now he was growing fast and Justin thought it wouldn't be too long before he caught up with his own 5'9" frame. "Hey Jus" he hollered, "Glad you're back for good so Dad will stop whining about how much he misses you" he laughed as Brian playfully kicked his foot out hitting him square in the behind, shoving him towards the bathroom.

"Hey Gus" Justin called, "How's swimming?"

"Good, I broke my best time in 100 backstroke," Gus bragged proudly before closing the door to run his shower.

Brian set a bag of pastries on the counter and brought one to Justin and was rewarded with his million watt smile. They shared the paper and Brian looked over the business section watching Justin chuckling at the cartoon strips. "I can get used to this" he smiled sincerely.

"Me too" Justin said, "I can't imagine it getting any better". Justin let his foot run up Brian's side as they sat on the couch tickling him in the spot just under his rib cage.

Gus emerged from the bathroom, showered and dressed and holding a small black bag. "Here Justin" Gus tossed the bag at him. "I found this in the closet under my clothes"

"Gus, NO!" Brian cried recognizing the package, reaching for it but falling short, before Justin caught it.

"What?" Gus asked pulling a chocolate covered doughnut from the bag, "It's just a graduation gift, right?"

Justin pulled the small red velvet box from the bag, "Brian, what is this?"

Brian looked in feigned disgust at his son once again ill-timing. "Gus, I am praying someday you will gain some finesse for timing". Brian rose from the couch hoping to preserve a little of the moment he had actually planned. He found the CD and switched it on playing the song he had planned to play.

_Love I get so lost, sometimes_

_days pass and this emptiness fills my heart_

_when I want to run away_

_I drive off in my car_

_but whichever way I go_

_I come back to the place you are_

Justin held the box, hands trembling as Brian slid to the floor in front of him on his knees and removed the Sunday paper Justin was clutching in his other hand.

Brian started by taking the box from Justin and opening the lid revealing the simple engraved gold band and paraphrased the quote from When Harry Met Sally, one of Justin's favorites of the many they had watched together.

"I love that you crinkle your nose when you're looking for the exact right color of paint. I love that you can eat 2000 calories and still be hungry an hour later. I love that you light up like a Christmas tree when you get excited about something as simple as a pastry. I love that I can still smell your scent after you leave our bed. I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. I love that you make me the best homosexual, the best man, I will ever be. I'm asking you now because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." Brian paused to take a deep breath, "Justin Michael Taylor, will you marry me?"

Justin fingered the band and read the inscription, "Finally the real thing" remembering Brian's description after their first time he started crying and shook his head up and down, unable to speak.

"Yes, of course" he answered and flung himself into Brian's arms, kissing him deeply.

* * *

The End

Please let me know if you enjoyed this AU with elements of canon. I wrote this primarily because I was intrigued by the aspects of role reversal between Justin and Brian. I realize that I took Brian very OOC to accomplish this evolution as Justin helped him realize who he really was. Thanks for your patience during these less-Brian moments.

The 80's movies was just for fun because I'm married to a man much older than me and we feel our age difference mostly in lost cultural references and I thought it was a fun way to keep Brian cognizant of Justin's age while still showing him as more mature than Brian in most ways.


End file.
